Trapped
by TheLovelyRusher
Summary: Fear: An emotion excited by threatening evil or impending pain; apprehention; dread. James thought he was fearless. Until a gang of bullies take a Halloween prank too far. Will he ever be the same again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Happy Halloween my lil goblins and witches and pumpkins! So, for Halloween, I decided I wanted my treat to be James being totally, utterly terrified out of his mind and the boys coming to his rescue. It was going to be Logan, or Carlos, but then I thought, why not the unlikely one, the one who is the biggest and strongest out of all of them? *Laughs evilly while tapping my fingers together at my evil plan* neeheeheehee! Let's do this thing! Enjoy, pumpkins!**

**I own nothing but the bullies. Rated T only cause of the "F" bomb. Enjoy!**

"You cannot be serious," Logan said, staring with his mouth hung agape at his unbelievable friend's "costume".

"Um, this is the face of a serious James," the tall brunette boy said, staring at himself admirably in the mirror. Whatever Logan said about it, he absolutely _loved_ his costume.

"Whatever, let's just go, we are going to be late and I want to get this over with," Logan mumbled. It was Halloween night, and the boys were headed to a party at some creepy, old cemetery. Logan was the only teen in the entire Palmwoods who was less than excited about it.

"I'm ready!" Carlos said, hopping into the room jovially. Logan groaned. The boy looked ridiculous. He was all orange, and fat, with black makeup lining his smile and black triangles drawn onto his eyebrows. The boy was a pumpkin!

"Carlos, why?" Logan asked. Carlos giggled and patted his huge, round pumpkin costume.

"I like pumpkins!" Carlos said. The Latino was probably the only 17 year old boy who could get away with being dressed like that, because in all honesty, he looked adorable. "Hey James, where is your costume?"

"This is my costume," James said in a "duh" voice.

"James is being James for Halloween," Logan said. "Now can we please just go? Kendall!"

"Coming!" Kendall called. He bounded out of his bedroom, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt as usual, but this time his clothes were oversized and stuffed with hay, and he wore a straw hat, and his mother had done his make-up to look like he was a dead, zombie scarecrow. He even held a fake plastic pitchfork with fake blood on the metal tips. 'I am so going to win the costume contest!"

James squeaked. "Not against my face you won't!"

Kendall decided to ignore that and turned to Logan, who was dressed up as a doctor, of course, but for the first time in his life, Kendall's mom had finally convinced the shorter boy to let her do his make-up, so this year he was a particularly evil looking doctor. "Lookin' good, Evil-Doctor-Logie!"

Logan laughed. "Not so bad yourself, Scarecrow-Kendall from hell. Now can we please go so I can wash this nasty junk off of my skin?"

"Not before I take pictures!" Mrs. Knight said, running into the room with her camera. They were temporarily blinded by flashing lights followed by motherly coos of "Awes" and they were finally on their way to the party.

"I don't get why anyone would want to have a party at a cemetery!" Logan said behind the wheel of the BTRMobile. He was getting increasingly nervous. What kind of things happened at cemeteries? He wasn't sure, but it couldn't be good. Dancing on gravesites was just asking for your butt to be haunted. Not that he believed in that sort of thing. But why risk it?

"Logie, Logie, Logie! It's just a Halloween party," James said. "You dance, you drink some punch-but just the orange kind! Don't drink the red kind_! _Never,_ ever_ drink the red kind." James shuddered for a moment before continuing. "We get our costumes judged, I win the 100 bucks, and we all go home happy little monsters."

"But don't you think it's kind of, I don't know, scary to be in a cemetery at 11 0' clock at night on Halloween?" Logan asked.

"Pffbt!" James said. "It's not scary. Nothing scares James Diamond, remember?" It was true. James could not remember a time he had been scared on Halloween. Haunted houses never even phased him, and he laughed at chainsaw-wielders in the corn mazes. Every year, the boys would try to prank him to scare him out of his mind but every attempt failed. James always either wound up laughing or scaring the other boys instead.

Logan didn't say anything, just swallowed and concentrated on his driving. James noticed he was looking a bit pale underneath his make-up and patted his knee. He hated seeing Logan scared, even if the smaller boy was a total wimp.

"Look, if it's too scary, we'll get out of there," James assured him sweetly, all previous cockiness in his voice replaced by concern. "Just give it a chance and stick by me, you'll be fine."

Logan nodded and gave James a small smile, feeling a little bit better by his friend's considerate words.

"This is so creepy," Carlos whispered, waddling behind his friends as they walked up from the street and into the graveyard. It was hard to walk in his pumpkin costume. It was very dark and kind of foggy out. The air was chilly and the moon was almost full. The wind blew in sharp gusts, making the bare, dead tree's shake and rattle as if they were skeletons, and he could see the dark shapes of tombstones up ahead.

"Why are you whispering?" Kendall asked.

"Because, I don't want to wake up the dead," Carlos said. Kendall chortled.

"Dude, we are going to be dancing on dead people's graves all night. If that doesn't wake them up, I don't know what would," Kendall said. Logan groaned and froze in place. His legs had failed him. They refused to move any closer to the cemetery. He blushed at how big of a baby he was being, but he couldn't help it, he was scared of dead things.

"Kendall! Look what you did!" James said with a sigh. "Logan, there's nothing to be scared of, it's a Halloween party." James tried to move Logan, but the small boy wouldn't budge.

"Carlos, work your magic," Kendall said, gesturing to Logan. Carlos backed up a bit and rammed his huge, round body into Logan's back. Logan yelped in surprise and was sent flying forward and onto his hands and knees in the grass. The boys laughed and James hauled him to his feet and dusted him off.

"Carlos, you're dead," Logan said, even though they all knew it was an empty threat. "Look, you guys just go ahead and I'll wait in the-eep!" Logan cried, feeling his feet lift off of the ground. James and Kendall were on either side of the young genius, carrying him from under his shoulders to the graveyard, where he was placed gently on the ground. Carlos and Kendall immediately scattered, scoping the gravesite for their friends and cute girls to hit on. Logan sighed. He wasn't exactly a party type to begin with. He felt completely out of place. Even though James insisted he didn't mind, Logan felt like a lost and friendless puppy dog following the taller boy around all night.

"Cheer up Loges!" James said, handing his friend a cup of orange punch.

"Sorry James, this just isn't much fun for me," Logan said apologetically. He was tired and cold and spooked by all the tombstones surrounding him.

James was about to say something, but the tall boy was roughly shoved aside by some older teens. They looked like they could even be in their early 20's and they were drinking the red punch that James had warned his friends against.

"Hey fag, look out where you're going," one of the guys said with a smirk. "You're so fucking ugly." Logan's heart sped up when he saw the look of hurt cross James' soft features, but James quickly turned it into a mocking grin and turned to the guy.

"Yeah? Well your mom didn't seem to think I was so ugly last night," James said. Logan opened his mouth in shock, holding back a laugh. The dude just glared at James.

"You better watch your back tonight, Diamond," the mean kid warned, then trailed away with his buddies behind him.

"James, who were they?" Logan asked. He had never seen those mean guys before in his life, but James seemed to be somewhat acquainted with them.

"Enh, just some guys who have been giving me a hard time 'cause I beat them out for a modeling ad in the newspaper. That kind of stuff just comes with the territory when you're the face."

"Oh," Logan said. He was kind of surprised that James was being bullied and didn't tell any of them. "Does Kendall know about them?"

"Nah, I'm a big boy, I don't need to go crying to anybody every time someone makes fun of my immaculate hair."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Well, just as long as you're alright."

"It's fine, Evil-Doctor-Logie. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah! I know something that can cheer you up, dude. Look who's over there dancing by herself, just waiting for a hot, crooked doctor to keep her company." James took Logan by the shoulders and steered him in the direction of where Camille was literally dancing by herself quite wildly on a tombstone. All the guys surrounding her were watching her with their mouths open, but were too intimidated to approach her directly. "Are you just going to go let those guys stare at her like that?"

Logan shrugged. "Camille and I are long over, dude. If guys want to stare at her, they can, I personally can't do a thing about it no matter how badly I want to slap them for-"

"Loges! Go talk to her!" James said, pushing the skinny boy forward. Logan huffed and looked back at James, who watched him with encouraging eyes.

"Fine," Logan mumbled. He walked over to his ex-girlfriend, stood up on tip-toe, and tapped her shyly on the shoulder.

"Logan, hey!" Camille said, eyes lighting up when she saw her old flame. "You look pretty evil tonight, are you a demon doctor or something?"

"Uh, yeah, basically," Logan said. He hated how he always felt so shy around her. It was easy to kiss her but so hard to talk to her.

"Let me guess, Carlos' idea?"

"Of course." Logan cleared his throat and gave her a sweet smile. "You look really good Camille."

"Awe, thanks Logan," Camille said. She was wearing a green and white Eskimo costume. It was a very cute innocent costume, except the skirt was a little short, showing off her bare, long legs. Logan had to try his hardest not to stare at them.

"So, you having a good time?" Camille asked, breaking Logan from his admiring glances.

"Um, yeah, well no, not really," Logan said with a chuckle. "Dead people aren't really my thing, so you know."

Camille laughed. "You are the cutest. Come on, let's dance, it will take your mind off of the whole 'stomping-on-graves' thing."

Logan shrugged, stomach fluttering. He could feel his cheeks heating up. Why did he blush so easily? "Sure, why not?" He said, and Camille pulled him up on top of the large tombstone with amazing strength. It was kind of hot, he thought.

Logan forced the awkwardness of dancing with his ex-girlfriend on top of a grave with a huge angel of sorrow on top of it out of his mind and tried to enjoy himself. He and Camille made small talk, and he let his eyes roam around the cemetery for a minute. There were dozens of kids there, and he could see Carlos goofing off with a couple of his friends and Kendall flirting with some girl in a devil costume. Logan smirked at that. He couldn't see James at first, but he finally found him surrounded by the same group of 4 or 5 mean guys. He looked on in worry. He had a bad feeling about those guys messing with his friend, even though James had said it was fine.

"What's wrong, Logan?" Camille asked, following his gaze.

"Those guys, they keep messing with James," Logan said. "I don't like it."

Camille smiled. "You're so protective, Logan. Is James ok?"

"He said he is but I don't know. I mean, he can handle himself but he's outnumbered and James is kind of sensitive."

"Well, he looks like he's laughing right now," Camille said, squinting to see her friend. "He seems fine."

"Yeah, I'm sure it will be ok," Logan said nervously, than turned his attention back to Camille. He didn't want to be one of those annoying worry warts tonight. James was probably just making a joke back to their snide comments and would turn away and go find a cute girl to hit on. It would be fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James grinned, following behind his new group of friends. Sure, they had been treating him sort of meanly the past couple of weeks, but they apologized for it and they seemed pretty cool. Now, they were going to go show him something really cool. Well, they said it was really cool, but James had no idea what "it" was.

"Guys, where are we going?" James asked. They were getting a little far away from the party. The voices and music were sounding a little faint and the people were just dark shapes now. He wanted to get back to the party.

The oldest of the group, Cayden, smirked at his friend to the left of him. He knew James would be easy to prank.

"Just a little further James," Cayden said. James wanted to ask if they could turn back, but he didn't want to seem like a baby to them. To be honest though, he was actually feeling a little scared. They were now to a part of the cemetery that had been abandoned for decades. Everything was overgrown and neglected. The further they went, the more morbid the headstones looked.

The older kids lead the young teenager to a big stone structure, with a creepy looking door and no windows. It was gray and crumbling with age and a statue of a praying angel on her knees was on the roof.

"What is this place?" James asked warily. It looked kind of spooky, and he had an odd feeling of doom in the pit of his stomach just from looking at the cadaverous little building.

"It's an old mausoleum, check it out," one of the guys said, going up to the heavy door and pushing it open with all his might. Stone scraped against stone and it opened wide enough for a single body to go through. One by one, they squeezed through the tight entrance. James was the last one standing outside, looking around uncertainly.

"You aren't scared, are you?" Cayden asked with a taunting grin. James raised his eyebrows. No way was he going to be a wimp when these guys finally accepted him to hang with them.

"Psht, no," James said. He turned sideways and slipped into the building and immediately started coughing. The air was thick with dust. One of the guys lit a candelabra and the room was cast with an eerie orange glow. James bit his lip nervously, his nose burning from the stuffy air. He stayed close to the door. This wasn't a place he wanted to be. There were cobwebs draped in every corner and even a coffin against the back wall.

"I bet this place hasn't seen anyone alive in 20 years," one of the kids said, running his hand along the cold wood of the old, rotting coffin.

"What are these?" James asked, pointing to some plaques on the wall. Each plaque had a square cut out underneath them. He tried one of the small doors, but the cast-iron handle was locked.

"This is a mausoleum, dude. There are corpses inside of those doors," Frank said. He laughed when James let go of the handle with a start and wiped his hand on his jeans.

"Well, heh heh, I have had a ton of fun but the guys are waiting for me back at the party so…" James pointed his thumb towards the door and turned around, but Cayden grabbed him by the shoulder, squeezing tighter than necessary.

"Come on now, James. We're having our own little party in here, and it's just getting started."

James gulped. Something wasn't right. Who would think this was a fun place to hang out? He was pretty sure it was illegal to even be in here. He wanted to leave, but the group of guys watched his every move with a threatening look on their faces, and he didn't want to piss them off. He wouldn't stand a chance against all 5 of them. When James made no move to leave, Cayden patted his shoulder.

"Good choice, buddy. We're gonna play a little game tonight, fitting for Halloween, I think," Cayden said, a devious grin on his pointed features. James felt a chill run through his back, shoulder trembling under Cayden's beefy hand. He looked at the older boy questionably, and he was pulled over to the dark wood coffin. The top half was open, and James peered in, relieved to find it was empty. Torn red velvet lined the inside of the macabre box.

"Get in," Cayden said simply.

"What?" James asked incredulously. Was he really just told to get inside of a _coffin?_ No way! He was going to leave. He was getting the creeps really badly, and he just wanted to get his friends and go home now. But 2 of the guys shoved their hands on James chest roughly. The pretty boy stumbled backwards against the coffin.

"Guys, just let me go now, my friends are waiting for me!" James said. Panic bubbled up in his stomach. This was not a good idea. He was stupid, stupid! Why did he agree to go back here with them? He should not have trusted this shady group of boys.

"Come on, just get in. We have all dared each other to lay in this exact same coffin," Cayden lied. "It's how you get initiated into our group."

"No thanks, I would rather not. Let me go," James said. He was trying to sound calm, but his entire body was shaking now, as was his voice. He tried to move forward, but 5 pairs of hands held him back. His struggles were futile. He was going into that coffin whether he wanted to or not.

"All you have to do is lay in there for 5 minutes, and if you do you get to stay in our group. It is that simple," Cayden said.

James sighed angrily. He figured he better do what they wanted or this could end badly. He was really not looking forward to getting his face bashed in by a group of college bullies.

"Fine, I'll do it. But 5 minutes, that is it!" James said. He took a deep breath and hoisted himself into the coffin. The wood creaked and groaned as if it was haunted. James closed his eyes and gripped the edges of the coffin with white knuckles.

"Ok, lie down," Cayden said softly, tugging on James' shoulder so that the younger boy would lay back. James did as he was told. He felt his hair hit the mangy velvet, and then the back of his head. It smelled weird inside of their, like rot and dirt. Like death. Oh jeez, he wanted out of there so bad.

Someone was tugging at his fingers that were still hanging onto the wood so tightly he could feel splinters enter his skin.

'Let go, James," Frank said.

"W-why?" James asked, refusing to open his eyes or move his fingers. He was trying to picture himself on a cool, sandy beach, teaching hot girls how to surf. He could almost feel the salty water splash his face as he visualized the young, pretty girl fall off her surfboard in the shallow water with a cute giggle. A seagull squawked overhead and a small wave crashed several feet away from them. Sand seeped into his toes and-

"Ahhhh!" James cried out in pain. There was a loud creak of wood followed by something incredibly heavy landing on his knuckles. Throbbing pain shot through his hand and his grip loosened automatically. He brought his hand to his chest and cradled it gently.

"G-guys? What the hell, guys!" James screamed. It was suddenly so dark, and the air was somehow even stuffier than before. He heard a click above him, and faint laughter taunted him.

They had closed the lid on him. It wasn't on accident either, James knew it. It was their plan all along. It was some kind of sick prank. Any glimmer of hope that he would just have to stay in there for 5 minutes vanished quickly when he heard their immature chuckling fade away with each step they took, away from the mausoleum and back to the party where their actions would go unnoticed.

James panicked. Breaths came in short, tight gasps as he pounded on the walls and lid of the coffin, screaming so loudly he swore he felt something pop in his throat. Any rational way of thinking was completely gone, replaced by a haze of pure terror. James wasn't stupid, he knew that any oxygen would start depleting soon, even quicker if he kept hyperventilating like he was, but his brain wouldn't allow him the chance to calm down. The darkness was eating him, the tight confines of the box was making him nauseous. Nobody knew he was in here. He was alone, left to die amongst the bodies of the already long-dead.

Hot tears poured out of James' hazel orbs as he started sobbing loudly. He used all of his strength to break the lid off but it was locked tightly in place. He was trapped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~

Logan hadn't seen in James for nearly an hour. At first, he didn't think much of it, thinking that the pretty boy had such found a girl to make out with behind a tombstone, however unromantic that may be. He just spent the time dancing with Camille and enjoying the food and her company, but it was now getting late, the party was almost over, and James was still nowhere to be found.

"Kendall, have you seen James?" Logan asked. His blonde friend shook his head, tucking his newly won 100 dollar bill into his pocket.

"No, I haven't seen him all night," Kendall said. "He missed the costume contest. Any idea where he went?"

"Wait, he missed the costume contest?" Logan asked, alarm bells going off inside his stomach. James was looking forward to the contest for nearly a week, why would he miss it?

"Carlos, come here!" Logan yelled, waving at the bright orange, life-size pumpkin. Carlos nodded his head and approached his 2 friends.

"Hey guys! Where's James? I'm ready to go home now," Carlos said.

"We don't know, we haven't seen him all night," Kendall said worriedly. "Where did you guys last see him?"

"The last time I saw him was… Oh no," Logan said, voice trailing off. Anxiety gnawed at his gut. "He was talking to these guys, these bullies. They've been teasing James for the past couple of weeks. They were pretty mean, Kendall."

"_Shit," _Kendall said under his breath. "Follow me, guys." Kendall asked any remaining guests at the party if they had seen James. A handful said no, but finally they asked a guy who said he'd seen him.

'Yeah, he went off back that way with Cayden and his buddies," the dude said, pointing over to a desolate part of the cemetery.

"Thanks," Kendall said distractedly. He knew Cayden and his friends were bad news, having heard a couple stories about them through the grapevines. They liked to pick on teenagers, even though most of them were at least 20 years old. It was obnoxious.

"Is James ok?" Carlos asked, confused. The older boy's worried demeanors were starting to rub off on him and he had no idea what was going on.

"Don't know yet," Kendall mumbled. "James! Where are you?"

"James, answer us buddy!" Logan called.

"Guys, it's scary over here," Carlos said, nearly tripping on a giant, scraggly root coming out of a huge dead oak tree. All the statues seemed to turn from uplifting to eerie and even menacing, and it was too dark and quiet. "Can we please go back now?"

"We gotta find James, buddy," Logan said, than yelled out said boy's name. They proceeded to call for James for the next 30 minutes. They called him, they texted him, but there was no answer.

"God guys, what could've happened to him?" Logan asked, nearly in tears. Carlos wrapped an arm around him for comfort.

"I'm scared guys," Carlos confessed with a shiver. He had long ago ditched his huge pumpkin outfit because it was too big to walk in and now only wore an orange turtleneck and jeans.

"Let's just call him one more time," Kendall said. He once again took out his phone and dialed James' number. It rang, once twice-

"Hey do you hear that?" Carlos asked, lifting his head up and perking his ears towards a quiet, familiar sound.

"No, wha-"

"Ssh!" Carlos hissed, walking slowly towards the noise. It sounded so much like "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat dolls, which was James' ringtone. Carlos quickened his steps and broke out in a full run when he saw a flickering blue light lying in a pile of leaves.

"It's James' phone!" Carlos cried, picking the small device up.

"Oh my God. James!" Logan screamed, and Carlos and Kendall joined, but their desperate cries were unanswered.

"Where is he?" Carlos cried in frustration, kicking a nearby tree. His entire body was shaking in fear and anger, and Kendall and Logan didn't look much better.

"Whoa, did you hear that?" Kendall asked. He had heard a dull thumping noise come from nearby. The 3 boys hushed and once again, the thud could be heard.

"James, we're coming buddy hold on!" Kendall yelled, following the sound. It seemed to be coming from inside a small building right next to where they found his phone. Kendall looked inside of the strange structure. He pulled out his phone to illuminate the darkness. Another thud echoed inside of the small space, making the blonde boy nearly jump out of skin. He prayed it was James. It had to be his best friend.

"Please be you James," Kendall said, entering the building. Logan and Carlos were right behind him, holding onto his shirt tightly. They were both scared out of their minds, and frankly, so was Kendall.

"James! Are you in here?" Kendall yelled, and the room was filled with frantic thumping. Whoever was making that sound was no doubt in a panicked state. The boys inched their way through the dark room, the candles having blown out in the wind long ago. They reached a coffin that was slightly jarred with each thump. Kendall couldn't stifle the sob that escaped his lips, and he tore open the coffin.

He was met with loud, raspy gasping and choking. The thick, dusty air was filled with the horrible sound. Kendall looked down to see James squirming in the tight space, eyes blown wide and dark with sheer terror. It didn't even seem as if James was aware that his friends were there. The poor boy's skin was pale and his lips were tinged blue. Logan's stomach churned with anger and disgust at whoever did this to his innocent young friend.

"He was suffocating in there!" Logan cried out. It dawned on him quickly that if they waited even a couple minutes more to find him, James would not be breathing at all anymore. All 3 boys gathered the terrified boy into their arms and pulled him out of the coffin. They carried him outside and laid him on the cold, solid ground.

"What's happening to him?" Carlos whimpered. James was thrashing and screaming, tears and snot running down his face. He still was not breathing properly, and his screams were hoarse and faded in and out, as if he had been screaming for a very long time. His eyes were unfocused and his skin was cold to the touch.

"We need to get him to the hospital," Logan said immediately. "He's in shock. He's heading into hypothermia. Kendall, can you carry him to the car? We need to hurry."

Kendall quickly swiped a tear away and shoved his arms underneath James back and legs. He cringed in pity when he felt how soaked James' jeans were. He obviously peed his pants in a fit of terror. Whoever did this to James was going to pay. Kendall was raging. Carlos and Logan breathlessly struggled to keep up with him as he all but sprinted to their car. Kendall took the wheel while Logan held James in his lap in the backseat with Carlos.

"James, calm down baby, it's ok," Logan said, trying to cease the boys hyperventilating and snap him back to reality. "I gotcha, bro. It's me, Logan. Carlos and Kendall are here too, you're safe, you are not in the coffin anymore."

James let out a heartbreaking sob and buried his face in Logan's neck, grasping his shoulders tightly. Logan rocked him and sushed him the entire ride, and Kendall carried him into the ER.

"Help us, please!" Kendall said, feeling James become a dead weight against his chest. The taller boy had fainted from shock and lack of oxygen. The blonde burst into tears and he was surrounded by doctors. James was taken from his arms and they asked him questions a mile a minute. He answered them dully while he watched as they wheeled James away, feeding him oxygen.

"Who would do that to James?" Carlos said in a tiny voice as they waited to hear any word about their lifeless friend. Tears poured down his flushed cheeks and his lip quivered.

"Fucking Cayden!" Kendall growled, punching the wall next to him. Thankfully, there was no one else occupying the waiting room. Carlos jumped, not used to hearing that kind of language and force from his easygoing friend. "I'm gonna kill that kid, I swear to-"

"Kendall, calm down," Logan said sternly.

"He almost killed James, Logan! He probably thought it was some funny joke to frighten the kid out of his mind and suffocate him to death! He's probably laughing right now!" Kendall surged with anger, his body shaking with yet another sob. He buried his face in his hands and felt Logan and Carlos wrap their skinny arms around him. He melted into the embrace, holding onto them until the doctor finally came.

"James Diamond?" The man asked, and the 3 teary-eyed young boys looked up and nodded eagerly.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Hogarth, may I ask where the mother of James Diamond is?"

"She's in Minnesota," Logan said, his voice hiccupping. He wiped his tears away and stood up. "Mrs. Knight is his legal guardian but she's in San Francisco right now for some fall retreat. Is James ok? We're practically his brothers."

"Yes, James is doing ok now boys. He was suffering from shock and a severely low oxygen count but he's stable now. His temperature is back to normal and he is breathing fine on his own. He's awake if you want to see him."

"Yes please," Carlos said, jumping to his feet, and the doctor led the boys down the hall to wear James lay in his bed, clutching the sheets to his chest. He had a frightened look in his hazel eyes, tears falling from his eyes and trailing down his nose and cheeks.

"Oh James," Logan whispered, rushing to his bedside and wrapping his arms around the lithe boy. James started sobbing again, holding onto Logan for dear life.

"Logie, I was so scared!" James admitted, sniveling wildly. His voice was completely cashed from screaming for help and they could barely understand him.

"I know, bro. What happened?" Logan asked.

"They locked me in there, Logan. I thought I was going to die." James looked up to see Kendall and Carlos and spread his arms wider for the other 2 boys to join in on the hug.

"They'll pay for that, James," Kendall said, stroking his brown locks softly. "We were scared too, buddy. We couldn't find you and…" Kendall pulled away so he could get a better look at his friend. James still looked absolutely petrified, but he wasn't quite as pale. He was attached to an IV and Kendall could only guess that Doctor Hogarth was pumping the boy full of some kind of medicine to make him relax.

"You need to get some sleep now, buddy," Logan said, noting how sleepy James' eyes were getting. His hoarse words were starting to slur.

"No, I can't," James said slowly. The thought of sleep scared him for some reason. He just wanted to be in his friends arms, knowing that he wasn't alone and dying in that tiny dark space.

"It's ok, we're right here," Carlos said, running his fingers soothingly over the white bandages on James' fingertips. James had ripped his fingernails off in an attempt to free himself from the coffin. It made Carlos so sick to his stomach. What happened to James was cruel, it was brutal. He could never imagine suffocating slowly in a coffin. It was an unthinkable fate that made his stomach flip.

James nodded, grasping Carlos' hand tightly. He stayed awake until he couldn't any longer, the medication knocking him out cold.

"Think he'll be alright?" Kendall asked, stroking James hair off of his cool forehead. Logan nodded.

"I think so. He'll be scared of the dark for a while if not forever, but he can make it through this. He's got us, after all," Logan said. They stayed with James for the rest of the night, until he woke up from a surprisingly dreamless sleep.

"James, you alright bro?" Kendall asked when he saw James' eyes open up and look around. James nodded, relaxed by his friends presence. He was still scared, but it was manageable. He knew it was over now.

"Yeah, just can you guys do me a favor?" James asked.

"Anything," Kendall said without question.

James groaned. "Can we never celebrate Halloween again?"

**A/N Freaking… Butt… Chunks! I thought BTR was on at 7:30, not 7:00, and I missed it because I was writing **_**this.**_** Sad face… Please review! Did you like it, think it was stupid, was it random, scary, funny? Reviews are my fuel. And I worked hard on this and missed the new ep of BTR for it! Lol. Happy Halloween I love you all! **

**Ps, if you guys want me to add a second chapter of his aftermath, let me know! I just didn't want to drone this on and on and have you get bored so yeah, let me know please! **


	2. Chapter 2

_James fought against the hard wood walls closing in on him, suffocating him, pressing his ribcage until it threatened to splinter. He tried to scream, and his throat felt like it was being massaged with sand paper, but no sound could be heard._

_The walls were getting closer, closer. His lungs felt like someone was squeezing them, and he couldn't move no matter how hard he tried to kick his way out. James' mind got fuzzy and woozy with lack of air. He couldn't breathe anymore. He was drowning in the darkness…_

"James! Wake up now, it's ok!" Logan said, shaking the boy's shoulders quite roughly. Carlos was curled up in his bed, covers pulled to his chin, as he watched the scene unravel nervously. This wasn't the first nightmare that James had suffered from. Or what did Logan call them? _Night terrors, _or something like that. It had been almost a month since the Halloween incident, and nearly every night since then, Carlos had ran to Logan's room to fetch the smart boy for help after being woken up to the sounds of James' violent nightmares.

They scared Carlos. He was terrified by James' fear. And he knew Kendall and Logan were, too. He saw the surprise and pity on their anxious faces each night as they ran to James' bed to hold the flailing boy down to keep from hurting himself. One time, he knocked a lamp with his hand and the light bulb cut into his skin. Another time he put a fist into the wall.

Finally, James awoke from his fit with a loud, rattling gasp and immediately started sobbing. He was surrounded by Logan and Kendall's arms. All they knew to do was comfort him. Even Logan, who was super, ultra-smart and knew how to fix everything didn't know how to fix this. He couldn't take away James' fear. He couldn't change what happened.

"You're safe," Logan whispered to the sobbing brunette, rocking him gently. "You're not in the coffin, you're home. I'm here, and so are Kendall and Carlos."

James coughed and sniffed, taking in his surroundings. His night terrors always left him confused, as if he was in a different reality. It took several moments for him to realize that he was not in the musty, rotting crypt but in his warm bed.

"They're getting worse," James whispered, and his friends knew he was referring to his horrible dreams. They could tell his dreams were getting worse. Each night he screamed louder. Each night it was harder to wake him up.

"It's gonna be ok James," Kendall said, laying his friend back against the pillow. He wasn't sure if it was true or not. They're prayers and hopes were empty. James was not getting better.

"No, I'm not going to sleep this time," James said, sitting up and swinging his legs over the bed. What was the point of sleeping if it only ruined him more than he already was?

"Buddy it's 3 am," Logan said. "You need sleep."

"What sleep?" James said bitterly. "I haven't gotten a decent rest since… That night. I'm going for a walk."

"James," Kendall said, getting up to follow his friend out the door, but James put his hand up.

"Just… Don't. I need to be alone, guys." James grabbed a hoodie and left the apartment.

"What are we going to do?" Carlos squeaked, breaking the solemn silence. "He's so… Broken."

"It's because he won't talk about it," Logan said through gritted teeth. His concern was driving him angry. "If he would just open up and let us in, maybe we can help him through it."

Carlos and Kendall were quiet. It was true. James refused to talk about his dreams or what happened that night. Even though he had the dreams every night, he would claim he was perfectly fine every morning. For the first week, he actually had the nerve to deny it, but Logan yelled his ear off for thinking that they were really that stupid.

"He's obviously not ok," Carlos said softly, bringing his knees to his chest and nuzzling his head onto his soft, comforting pillow. "Why can't he just admit it?"

Kendall gave him a sympathetic look and patted his blanketed arm. "Just go back to sleep, 'Litos. We'll talk to him tomorrow, ok? We're going to do something about this. What he's doing isn't healthy and we aren't going to let him suffer any longer."

Carlos nodded and wrapped his small arms around Kendall's neck before settling back onto the pillow. Kendall gave him a warm, encouraging smile and went to turn out the dim lamp on Carlos' bedside table.

"Wait, don't," Carlos said, catching Kendall's wrist. His voice became slightly sheepish. "I, uh, leave it on please?" The Latino had become accustomed to sleeping with the light on, since his traumatized roommate couldn't fall asleep in a dark room anymore. Kendall nodded.

"Sure buddy. Good night."

"Night, 'Los," Logan said affectionately. They waited until Carlos closed his eyes and relaxed before they quietly left and headed to the living room, waiting for James to arrive home.

**A/N I am so sorry that was so short! This is picking up a mind of its own! It will most likely be one or 2 more chapters now haha. I love writing a scared, nightmarey James! Have a great night tomorrow! It's a big day for me, I am excited, and of course I'm going to be Kendall Schmidt. Of course…**

**Please review? I love hearing from everyone. Hope you are enjoying my little halloweeny story. Good night1**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Oh my gersh thanks so much for the reviews! I was not expecting this story to be popular haha! It was supposed to be just a spooky Halloween one shot and now it's just taking up a life of its own. Thanks so much everybody! Let's whump James a bit, shall we? He usually comes out of stories relatively unscathed so this is fun!**

"James, where have you been?" Kendall blurted out as soon as James walked through the front door. He cringed when he realized he sounded like a mother, but he had been beside himself with worry.

"Nowhere," James mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Logan and Kendall. All he did was go for a walk, it wasn't that big of a deal. He needed to be outside. It was too claustrophobic inside this little apartment.

"Nowhere?" Logan bellowed, making Kendall shush him so he wouldn't wake up Carlos. Logan cleared his throat and continued at a lower decibel. "James, it's 4 o' clock in the morning! You can't just storm out of the apartment and roam the town at any hour of night!"

"I wasn't roaming the town, I just went to the park and walked around," James said. "I needed some air. I was suffocating in here."

"You worried us to death, James," Logan said.

James chewed his bottom lip, looking guilty. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"If it happens again, I'm waking mom up," Kendall said.

"You wouldn't!" James said. But Kendall just gave him a look that meant he really would, turned on his heel, and went back to bed.

"Go back to bed, James," Logan instructed. "You need some sleep."

"Is he mad at me Logan?" James asked, ignoring the smart boy's orders. Logan sighed.

"No, James, we aren't mad at you. None of this is your fault. Go to bed, we're going to have a talk tomorrow."

"A talk? But Logan there's nothing to-"

"James! It's late, I'm tired, we have school in the morning…"

James nodded. Logan did look extremely tired. He was fully aware that his nightmares were causing not just him, but everyone, to be sleep deprived. He was screwing everybody up, just because of that one stupid night. He wished he could somehow put it behind him and forget about it, but he couldn't.

"Ok, Logan. I'm sorry I worried you so much."

Logan waved his hand tiredly. "It's ok. Good night, bro." James watched Logan recede to his and Kendall's shared bedroom before heading to his own bedroom. He snuggled down into his soft bed and yawned. Sleep sounded so inviting right now, but he didn't want to have yet another bad dream. He couldn't handle another one.

James suddenly tensed when he heard a rustling noise from across the room, and he looked over to see Carlos' head peeking out of the blankets, sleepy eyes studying him worriedly.

"James, you're home," Carlos said softly. James gave his smaller friend a warm smile.

"Yeah. Sorry about that buddy. I just needed to cool off. What are you doing awake?"

Carlos shrugged. "I couldn't sleep knowing you were away somewhere."

"I'm fine, Carlos. Please don't worry about me. Go back to sleep."

James was expecting Carlos to say "sweet dreams!" than lay back down and fall right back to sleep. What he was not expecting was for the young boy to scowl at him from across the room and snap at him.

"How are we supposed to _not _worry for you, James? You're my best friend and you keep acting like everything is all perfect when obviously, it's not! You can't even sleep and you look like the walking dead. I'll stop worrying about you when you quit acting so selfish." Carlos huffed in frustration and slammed his face into his pillow. James just stared at him in shock. That was very… _Un-_Carlos like.

"Carlos…" James said, unsure of what to say. Carlos was right. He should've known Carlos would be the first to snap at him, the Latino always was the most honest of the group. It was literally impossible for the smaller boy to keep any of his feelings inside of him, whether they were happy emotions or, on the rare occasions, upset ones like these.

"Leave me alone," Carlos said softly, more of a request than an order. James' heart sunk.

"I'm sorry bro," James whispered. It was all he could think of to say. Carlos shifted but refused to answer him. After a few moments of silence James gave up and buried his face in his pillow. Soft snores from Carlos soon filled the room, but James found himself sleepless for the rest of the night.

After a couple of hours of lying in bed, bored out of his mind, James decided to roll out from under his covers and start his morning routine early. He took a long shower and blow dried his dark locks, than styled them perfectly with sculpting spray and Cuda hairspray. He then put on his tanning lotion and applied extra eye cream for the dark circles underneath them. But even with so many beauty products, they could not hide how unhealthily tired James looked. Mrs. Knight would catch on too quickly, as well as Carlos, Logan and Kendall. His friends were annoyingly observant sometimes.

On his tiptoes, James quietly crept into Mrs. Knight's bedroom and sifted through the small make-up bag on her dresser. He found what he was searching for, a bottle of liquid cover-up, than tip-toed back to the bathroom and applied the make-up under his eyes. He smiled, satisfied. The dark circles weren't as prominent anymore.

After covering up his imperfections, James returned the make-up and decided to spend the rest of the morning on the couch, watching crappy cartoons on the big-screen. By 7:30, all the boys were awake and Mrs. Knight was shuffling around the kitchen, making oatmeal with one eye open and shouting endlessly for Katie to drag her "Lazy butt out of bed".

"James, you're awake early," Mrs. Knight said from behind her pot of oatmeal, stirring the gunk vigorously. James gave a tired grunt in reply. Mrs. Knight raised an eyebrow. Before James knew it, the mother-bear was standing over him, checking his temperature with the back of her hand on his forehead.

"Mama K!" James whined, ducking his head away from her hand. She gave him a stern look.

"James, you haven't been yourself lately. Are you doing ok? Does it have anything to do with…" Mrs. Knight lowered her voice, "The incident?"

"No, Mama Knight, I'm fine," James said. Of course Mrs. Knight had found out about the horrible prank gone awry immediately after it happened, but he down played it for her, a lot. She didn't even know about the nightmares, or so James thought. It didn't take a genius to figure out that such a young mind would be deeply affected after something like that, and Mrs. Knight knew everything that went on with her kids, whether they be her own children or her surrogate ones. She knew James well enough to know that he would want to keep some dignity and not talk about his nightmares, but it had been a month and it only seemed to be getting worse. Mrs. Knight was getting very worried for him. His behavior was not normal. She had hoped that with the help of his friends, he would recover just fine, but he seemed to just keep falling into a deeper and deeper hole.

"James, sweetheart, I know you're having nightmares," Mrs. Knight blurted, keeping her voice low even though the other boys were currently showering and getting dressed.

"What? Who told you?" James asked, feeling betrayed and ashamed. It was bad enough his friends had to know he was freaking out, but the fact that they told his "mother" made him downright angry.

"Relax, nobody told me, James. I'm a mother, I know these things. I also know that you aren't doing so good, are you?"

James groaned. "Mama Knight, I'm fine. The nightmares will go away in a little bit. It's only been a month. I just need some time."

"I know you need time, but you also need to talk to someone about this. I'm always here to listen to you and help you, and so are the boys. Take advantage of that, it will make you feel so much better. Ok?"

"Ok Mama Knight," James agreed, though he had no intentions of talking about his night terrors. They would go away on their own, he was sure of it.

Mrs. Knight patted James' cheek. "Ok. Come on baby, come get some breakfast. I'm making raisin oatmeal, your favorite."

James smiled. "Thanks, Mama Knight." The brunette boy followed her to the table and spent breakfast chatting away about the latest Cuda products and how excited he was to get them before they were even released to the public just because he modeled for their senior line so many months ago. He was trying to play it off as though last night never even happened, and it seemed to be working, but by 11:00 his face quite literally slapped his school desk and he started snoring away.

"Dude!" Kendall whispered harshly, jumping when he saw James head dip down and hit the desk. Carlos snickered at the sight and Logan looked amused and concerned at the same time.

"Mr. Diamond!" Ms. Collins scolded, slapping his desk with her ruler. James sat up with a snort of surprise and the small room erupted into mean chuckles. The laughter immediately ceased, however, when Kendall gave every teenager a menacing glare.

"James, falling asleep in class is unacceptable," Ms. Collins lectured. "If it happens again, you can stay after class for detention."

"Sorry Ms. Collins," James mumbled, his pasty cheeks turning bright pink. The tall boy struggled to stay awake for the rest of his lesson and ignored the worried gazes of his best friends. When the bell rang, James got to his feet and grabbed his bag so quickly he nearly tripped over his desk in an attempt to get out of the tiny, cramped room.

"James, dude are you ok?" Logan asked, running after him with Kendall and Carlos close behind him.

"I'm fine," James said stubbornly, making his way through the busy lobby so he could wait outside for their limo to arrive and pick them up.

"Are you sure? Because you're breathing kind of heavy," Logan said. James rolled his eyes. Logan picked up on _everything._

"I'm just tired, Logan." James shoved forward through the doors of the Palmwoods and stood at the curb with his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't care if he was acting like a defiant little kid. He was tired and he was scared and he hated being asked if he was ok every 3 seconds. Why couldn't his friends just let it go?

Logan sighed in frustration, sharing a look of annoyance with Kendall, who just shrugged.

"I want some fruit smackers," Carlos said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Too bad, we have to go to the studio. Freight Train will be here in 2 minutes," Logan said.

"But I'm starving!" Carlos complained, clutching his growling stomach. "Can I please have some quarters? Come on Logan, listen, I'm gurgling!"

"I don't want to listen to your intestinal gurgles," Logan said. He reached into his jeans pocket and handed Carlos a couple of dollars so he could buy more than one packet of fruit smackers.

"Oooh, thank you Logan!" Carlos said gratefully. He ran back inside the lobby just as their limo pulled up.

"Hey, Carlos will be out in a minute," Logan said as they piled into the limo.

"Cool beans," Freight Train said casually. He always arrived several minutes earlier than he needed to because he knew one of the 4 boys would be late every time.

5 minutes passed though and Carlos was still in the lobby, buying who knows how many fruit smackers.

'Ugh, where is he?" Kendall said.

"He's probably petting puppies or something," James said. "I'll go get him." Annoyed, James stepped out in the cool November air and ran into the lobby. Hazel eyes darted around the room until they landed on Carlos, huddled in the corner by the vending machines, looking small and frightened. 2 teenagers who were much bigger than him were taunting and laughing at the Latino shamelessly.

"Hey!" James growled, rushing towards the pitiful scene. "What the hell are you guys doing?" He demanded, grabbing one of the boys by the collar. These boys were big, but not as big as James.

"Whoa, just having some fun, no biggie!" The boy said, putting his hands up in surrender. James let go of the boy's shirt, but continued to glare daggers at him.

"Hey, aren't you that kid who got locked in that coffin on Halloween?" The other boy asked, eyebrows arching deviously. James felt his cheeks heat up and he looked away, avoiding eye contact with the mean boys.

"Who cares? Just leave my little brother alone," James said, too tired to think up a threat. He reached his hand towards Carlos to help him to his feet, but he was taken by surprise when the 2 boys teamed up and pushed him against the wall. James tried to squirm away but the bullies proved to be stronger than him when they worked together.

"Hey!" Carlos cried, jumping to his feet. He lunged forward to attack the mean boys, but he was too slow, and everything else happened so fast. Before he knew it, the supply closet near the vending machine was thrown open and James was tossed in quite violently. The door slammed closed and James' yells filled the room, along with the loud thudding of his fists against the door.

"Awe, is poor Jamie scared of the dark now?" One of the boys teased when he heard James' frantic cries of terror. By now a small crowd of residents were forming, staring at the scene in shock.

"Stop it!" Carlos yelled, trying to pull the bullies away from the door. "He's claustrophobic, guys. You're hurting him!"

"Whoa, what's his problem?" One of the bullies asked when James let out a shrill scream. He let go of the door handle, seeming to realize that he may have gone too far.

"Idiot!" Carlos cried, shoving the boy out of the way. He grabbed the doorknob and jiggled it, but it didn't budge. James' cries became softer but more heartbreaking. Carlos knew his friend was having a mental meltdown in the tiny room.

"James, it's ok man!" Carlos said. "I'm going to go get Kendall. The door is stuck, just hold on!"

James didn't answer. The pounding on the door ceased and all that could be heard were quiet sobs. Carlos ran out of the lobby and to the limo.

"Carlos, what took you so long?" Logan asked when Carlos swung the door open, a look of panic written across his cherubic features.

"It's James! He's locked in a supply closet and he's freaking out!" Carlos cried. Kendall's eyes widened in alarm and the blonde boy darted towards the lobby.

"James!" Kendall cried, pushing his way through the small crowd to where Mr. Bitter's was trying to open the closet. The bullies were long gone and James wasn't even sobbing anymore.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked Mr. Bitters. The middle aged man shook his head, messing with the door handle. "Is James in there?"

"Darn kids causing ruckus in my lobby!" Mr. Bitters said. "I was in my office trying to watch my soap operas when I heard all this screaming. I tell you kids all the time not to mess around in the supply closet!"

"He wasn't messing around in there, some bullies shoved him in!" Carlos cried.

"James, can you hear me?" Kendall asked, knocking on the jammed door. To his horror, his best friend didn't answer him. "James, it's me, Kendall! Are you ok in there?" Kendall pressed his ear against the door and listened for any signs of life. James let out a whimper of fear, and a scratching sound could be heard against the wood.

"Oh my God," Kendall gasped. "Why won't the door open, Mr. Bitters? We have to get him out of there, now!"

"The knob is jammed, it happens all the time," Mr. Bitters said. Kendall grabbed the man's shoulders tightly.

"He needs to get out of there, he's deathly afraid of tight spaces!" Kendall cried, knowing James was reliving the horrible experience all over again.

"Ok, let me go get my tools," Mr. Bitter's said, sensing the anxiety in Kendall's voice. He left to go get his tools from his office.

"Ok buddy, just hang on!" Kendall said, knocking on the door again. "We're right here, James. It's me and Logan and Carlos. You're going to be ok. We're going to get you out."

"Why isn't he answering you?" Carlos asked in a small voice. Kendall chose to ignore the question to avoid upsetting the Latino any further. It felt like hours when it had only been minutes before Mr. Bitters unattached the handle and opened the door. James was sprawled out on the floor, chest heaving as he hyperventilated. His eyes were wide open, pupils blown with fear. Tears flowed down his cheeks and landed in a puddle on the plush carpet. Kendall got on his knees and scooped James up into his arms, leaning his limp body against this broad chest.

"James, are you ok buddy? You're safe now, James. You're safe," Kendall said over and over again, rocking his best friend's body gently.

"James, please wake up," Carlos whimpered from beside Kendall.

"He's not with us," Logan said softly, pushing James' soft brown locks away from his pale face. "He's having a panic attack."

"Guys…" Carlos said, running his hand over the scratches on the wood door. He took James' hand and examined the broken skin. His fingertips were littered with splinters, drops of blood falling onto Carlos' palm.

"James, you need to wake up now bro," Logan said calmly, cupping the tall boy's cheek with his hand. "It's me, Logan. You're not in a coffin, you're at the Palmwoods. Wake up, buddy."

"L-Logan?" James moaned, the warmth of Logan's touch and his calming voice slowly allowing him to re-enter reality. "What happened?"

"Ssh, just breathe," Logan instructed with relief. He listened to James' heavy breathing until it started to become steady. "You had a panic attack but you're alright now." James wiped his eyes furiously, trying to hide his tears. Even though his heart was still pounding, his embarrassment took over.

"I-I know, I'm fine," James said, shakily rising to his feet. "W-we should get to work."

"Um, absolutely not!" Logan said incredulously. "You need to get to bed, James." The small genius looked to Kendall for help. Kendall caught on and grabbed James' arm.

"Come on, we're going upstairs," Kendall said sternly. James always listened to Kendall better than he did Logan for some odd reason.

"Carlos, you ok?" Logan asked as Kendall and James disappeared upstairs. The taller boys had opted not to take the elevator to avoid another attack.

"Yeah, that was just scary," Carlos said, clutching his helmet to his chest. "Hey, where did everybody go?"

"I scared them off with my Taser gun," a familiar female voice said. The boys turned to see Camille standing by the front desk, holding a small black gun of some sort in her hands.

"Whoa, you have a Taser?" Carlos asked, impressed.

"No, it's a prop I stole off the set of the movie I just finished filming," Camille said. "But I figured James would never live it down if half of the Palmwoods saw him freaking out in a closet so I told them all to get out before I electrocuted them."

"Camille, thank you," Logan said. "You're the best."

Camille shrugged. "Yeah, I know. But what happened in that closet? James seemed seriously scared."

"He's just really claustrophobic and scared of the dark, ever since Halloween," Logan said. Camille was one James' only friends who knew the details of what had happened on that night. Word had gotten around that James had been locked in a coffin, but nobody really knew that he had been only minutes from death and how much it truly affected him except for the boys and Camille. "He's not getting any better. It just keeps getting worse. I don't know what to do to help him," Logan admitted.

"Just be there for him, he needs you right now," Camille said, giving Logan a quick hug. Carlos stretched out his arms, silently asking for a hug too. The pretty brunette gathered Carlos in her arms and pecked his forehead. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Of course. Thanks Camille," Logan said. Camille nodded before taking a deep breath. Her voice faltered and she cleared her throat.

"Logan, he's going to be ok, right?" The young girl asked. Logan stared at the ugly carpeting on the floor, unsure how to answer that.

"I don't know, Camille. I honestly don't," Logan said sadly. Truthfully, he didn't know what it would take to help James recover from what happened. He just wanted the old James back.

**A/N Thanks to Twisted Illusions for the idea to have James locked in a closet! It was fun to write! More James whumpage to come. Please review?**

**Oh ps I am only sort of freaking out because it's after 2 am and there was a scary earthquake and I'm all alone and *hides under blankies and cried* that was scary. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hey guys! Sorry for the wait! Omg thanks so much for the reviews! Did you know every time I get a review, it's like my dream is coming true? I love it! Sorry I am the sappiest person ever but it's true. I love all of my signed-and anon-reviews! **

James' crying could be heard all the way out in the hallway. Carlos and Logan stared at each other, mouth agape, as they wondered what in the world was going on behind the door to their apartment. Only moments ago Kendall had taken a shell-shocked James upstairs. What could have happened in that short amount of time?

What disturbed them the most was when James let out a pained yell, and Logan burst through the door to see James laying on the couch and Mrs. Knight holding his hand in hers, doing something to his fingers.

"What is going on in here?" Logan asked, closing the door quickly so neighbors wouldn't here.

"Mom is removing the splinters in his fingers," Kendall explained softly. "He tore off what was left of his fingernails. Logan, who did this to James?"

"Justin and his friends," Logan said. "Why?"

Kendall seethed. He hated those guys. They were in some retarded show on television and picked on everybody. "I swear I am going to find those guys and beat the crap out of them." Kendall grabbed his jacket and made his way to the door.

"Wait, are you really going to beat them up?" Logan asked nervously, eyes never leaving the sight of his miserable, crying friend on the couch.

"If anyone asks where I am, tell them I went for a walk," Kendall said, avoiding Logan's question.

"But Ken-"

"Logan, I'm serious. Don't tell anyone. I just… I need to make someone pay for this, ok? James is suffering because of a bunch of dirtbags, and it's the only way I can help James."

Logan tore his eyes away from James for a moment to stare at Kendall. He had to hold back a gasp when he saw how… _Angry _he looked. His normally tan cheeks were beet red and his arms were literally shaking. "Dude, beating up a bunch of bullies isn't going to help James-"

"Logan, now is not the time for one of your pep talks, ok?" Kendall said, his voice getting more strained with every cry James emitted. He had to do something about this, _anything. _But he couldn't just sit back and watch James fall apart. He felt so helpless. Since he was at a loss of how to make him better, the least he could do was make the bullies that hurt him pay.

Kendall turned on his heel and quietly left the apartment. Nobody else but Logan even noticed. Carlos and Mrs. Knight were all focused intently on James. Logan sighed and left to get antiseptic and bandages form his first aid kit.

"No more," James whimpered, pulling his abused hand away from Mrs. Knight's tender hold. He cradled his shaking fingers to his chest and eyed the tweezers she held like they were an instrument of torture. His hands were burning with sharp pains. His fingers hadn't even healed fully from the last time he tore his nails off, which only added to the pain when the old wounds were reopened.

"Honey, we have to get all of the splinters out or else they might get infected," Mrs. Knight explained. James looked at the kind woman like she was the devil and curled in on his hand, covering it protectively.

"She's right James," Logan said, first aid kit in hand. He turned to Mrs. Knight and gestured to James. "May I take over?"

Mrs. Knight smiled fondly at the young doctor-to-be and handed him the tweezers. "Knock yourself out. I need coffee."

Logan thanked her and took over her seat in front of James. "Hey buddy. Can I see your hand?"

"No, just leave me alone," James said pitifully. It was obvious how much he was struggling to keep his tears in, but his emotions were becoming too much for him. He just wanted to break into sobs, but he didn't have the heart to do that in front of Logan and especially Carlos. Not to mention Mrs. Knight would probably send him to a nuthouse, and Kendall… Hey, where was Kendall, anyway?

"Where did Kendall go?" James asked.

"He just went for a walk," Logan said hesitantly. "Now let me see your hand." Once again, James resisted. "James, if you don't let me see your hand, I will take you to the doctor and you know I am a lot nicer than the doctor. Now give me your hand, you're bleeding all over the couch."

James cringed and let Logan examine his mangled fingertips. Logan hissed and clicked his tongue in sympathy, eyeing the wounds carefully. James all but tore his fingertips apart in that closet.

"This is going to hurt a bit, but once the bandages and medicine is on they won't hurt nearly as much," Logan told him. The junior doctor noticed a particularly large splinter in James' forefinger and decided to change the subject.

"Hey James, remember that one kid on our hockey team in Minnesota that always smelled like Cheetos?"

"Um yeah, why?" James asked, remembering a scrawny kid in the 5th grade that they had nicknamed "Cheeto" because he smelled like a stale version of the cheesy snack.

"I was just thinking of that time that you wanted so badly to impress the captain of our team that during a game, you tried to check that Deluthe kid and you end up accidently checking Cheeto."

James chuckled, it was probably one the funniest memories he had of his hockey games. "Oh yeah! I sent him flying across the ice and he knocked down like 3 people before flipping over the wall into the audience-ahhh!" James cried out, nearly jumping out of his seat at the sudden stinging pain in his finger. Logan held up a huge splinter of wood proudly.

"I got it!" Logan announced. James scowled.

"You tricked me!" James accused.

'No, I distracted you, there's a difference," Logan said.

"Whoa, that's gnarly!" Carlos said excitedly, looking at the piece of wood in awe. "Can I see it?"

"No!" Logan exclaimed, disgusted. 'It's covered in James-blood."

"Ew," Carlos said, wrinkling his small nose. Logan tossed the splinter into a petri dish.

"Oh, James by the way there's like, this huge sale on Cuda at the mall this weekend," Logan said.

James suddenly perked up. "Really? Which mall- _Owwwww!_! Stop doing that!"

Logan smirked, dropping yet another bloody piece of wood into the petri dish with a little "clink". "Relax dude, the worst ones are out. The next couple splinters aren't that big or deep."

James moaned and pouted, letting Logan torture his fingers for a few minutes longer. He was momentarily relieved when Logan wrapped a cold washcloth around his fingers and held it tightly, but it didn't last because after Logan unwrapped his hand, he poured stinging, burning, hellish antiseptic all over his wounds.

James thought he was dying.

"James, come on bro you are being dramatic," Logan teased when James let out a high-pitched shriek.

"It hurts, Logan!" James said. The tall boy had never been able to take pain well, but this was truly and excruciatingly painful.

Logan applied some medicine to the wounds, than wrapped them up with bandages with a gentle, agile touch.

"There, all better," Logan announced, admiring his work. James wiggled his fingers a bit. They did feel much better now that there weren't giant chunks of wood embedded in them.

"Thanks Logan," James said softly. "I um, I guess we can get to the studio now, Gustavo is probably going to chew our heads off."

"Uh-uh, I don't think so," Mrs. Knight called from the kitchen. James cringed. Jeez, she was like a bat. She could hear everything.

"Why not?" James asked, getting to his feet. He hoped Mrs. Knight and the guys weren't going to use what happened to him earlier as a chance to baby him to death, but apparently that was exactly what they were planning to do.

"James, you need rest," Mrs. Knight said, walking in front of him and folding her arms sternly. "You had an overwhelming day today and you look spent. I want you to lie down and get some rest."

"But it's only 1 in the afternoon!" James argued. Mrs. Knight's eyes hardened as she narrowed her gaze on the teenager.

"James, you know better than to argue with me. Go on to bed, I'll call you when it's dinnertime."

James sighed and ran a hand over his face. He didn't want to lie down, to be alone with his thoughts. He wanted-no, he _needed_ a distraction. He wanted to sing, and dance, and listen to Gustavo gripe his face off about how floppy his hair or how high his voice sounded. Going to bed this early would drive him insane. "Mrs. Knight, I appreciate you looking out for me but I really need to get to the studio." James awkwardly pushed past the motherly figure and headed to the door, pausing only to look over his shoulder for a moment.

"You guys coming?" James asked, avoiding Mrs. Knight shocked glare. He was expecting her to yell at him or freak out, but she just stood there, looking quite unhappy. She wasn't exactly used to any of her boys directly disobeying her orders.

"Um yeah, sure," Logan said. He was desperate to get out of the uncomfortable situation. He glanced at Mrs. Knight, grabbed Carlos' arm, and pulled the shorter boy out the door with James.

"Text Kendall that we will be at the studio," James told Logan, and the smaller boy nodded.

"Dude, Mama K is going to be so pissed!" Carlos said. The last time James had disobeyed her was in the 7th grade. He had gotten in a ton of trouble, and he didn't even live with her back then.

"She'll get over it," James commented bitterly. Logan nearly choked on his own spit. James never, _ever _spoke like this. Especially about Mama K. He was too sensitive and too… Good to act like a normal teenager when it came to Mrs. Knight. He always respected her and her wishes.

"You're gonna get in trouble," Carlos said worriedly, ignoring the warning glance Logan gave him. "She's going to get mad at you."

"Then let her, I really don't care Carlos," James said, storming through the lobby.

"Why is James mad, Logan?" Carlos whispered.

"He's just tired," Logan said. He was a bit taken aback by James' attitude. Even though James was dramatic, he was pretty even tempered. This behavior wasn't normal for him, and it worried Logan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kendall made his way to the Palmwoods Park, where he knew Justin and his buddies played basketball every day after school. He found the basketball court and watched the bullies play for a few minutes. He hated getting in fights, he really did. He didn't exactly believe in violence. His dad had always taught him against it. But Kendall also had anger issues and he needed to get out his anger somehow right now, before he imploded on himself. His first choice would have been to get revenge on the idiots who did this to James in the first place, but being that they didn't live at the Palmwoods, Kendall had no idea where they were and how to find them.

"Justin!" Kendall called after a few minutes of contemplating. He was thinking of just leaving, going to the studio where Logan texted they were, but the idea of a fight sounded too tantalizing at the moment. He pushed his father's words out of his mind and approached the group of boys confidently. He was sure he could take all of them. But his brain wasn't quite working well at the moment. Justin turned around, slightly surprised to see Kendall.

"Ken-dork? What are you doing here?" Justin said, holding his arm out so his buddies knew to stop playing the game and join him.

"I heard you hurt my friend today," Kendall said angrily, immediately starting the fight. He gave Justin's shoulders a hard shove. Justin laughed.

"What, that pussy James?" Justin taunted.

"Don't call my friend that!" Kendall warned, getting dangerously close to Justin's face.

"Why not? He's obviously a pussy. He can't even fight his own fights. He has to send you to do it for him."

"You hurt him today. Nobody hurts James and gets away with it," Kendall said, feeling a tight protective ball for James form in his chest. That was his best friend that was scarred for life. His best friend clawed his own fingernails off during a panic attack today. His best friend was scared to death, and there was nothing Kendall could do about it. Except for beat the living crap out of Justin.

And that's what he did. He unexpectedly drew back his arm and sent punch after punch into Justin's face and gut in an unusual fit of rage. His buddies stared, stunned and a bit afraid to do anything to help their leader. But when Justin fell to the concrete with a cry of pain, Kendall seemed to realize what he was doing. It was as if he was snapped back to reality after losing all control.

"Justin, dude I'm sorry," Kendall muttered, staring at his bloody fist in disbelief. He held out a hand to help Justin to his feet, but his buddies rushed at him, finally deciding to help Justin. Kendall ducked as several fists were aimed for his face. He dodged as many as he could and put up a fight for quite a while, but he didn't last long. The first fist to collide with his nose sent him reeling to the ground. As soon as he was down, he felt bursts of pain shoot through his body as the bullies kicked at his ribs, stomach, back and legs mercilessly. Kendall struggled to pick himself back up, but with each kick he was sent back to cold, rough concrete. After a few minutes of this, Kendall decided to just stay down and protect himself best he could until the beating stopped.

Finally, heavy, brutal blows ceased and he was left alone, breathless and crying. Kendall groaned, humiliated. What was he thinking, trying to take 4 guys down at once?

With a great heave of strength, Kendall tried to roll over and get to his knees, but his ribs screamed in protest. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe. He stayed on his knees for several moments, trying to calm down and regain his strength. But as soon as he tried to stand up, he fell right back down in a ball of pain. He had no choice but to lay there helplessly, clutching his throbbing middle and struggling to breath. After nearly an hour, he considered texting Logan or one of his friends to come help him, but his pride kept him from dialing their number. He was utterly humiliated, and he didn't want to undergo the lecture Logan was sure to give him. And Kendall never once lost a fight in his life. Even without the guys backing him up, Kendall always held his own in a fight and came out relatively unscathed. So he was rather ashamed to be the one bleeding on the ground instead of the strong leader he was supposed to be.

There was no way Kendall would call them for help.

The blonde dragged himself behind a tree, away from the public's eye just in case someone was to pass by, and curled in on himself. He wanted to fix things, but instead he was an idiot and only made things worse.

**A/N Meep, stupid place to end but I have to go now I hope you liked it, and I guess this could be some sort of a cliffhanger haha! I just can't stay away from Kendall whump, but it will be James whump too because James isn't exactly going to feel good about what happened to Kendall. Please review? Thanks love ya byeeeee! Um, ignore the typos if you saw any I can't proof read tonight!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Yeehaw a quick update! Thanks everyone for the reviews and alerts! Makes me so happy Oh and James looked gorgeous in that sweater in the BTR special. Like, yummy and sexy slurpness. Ugh why are they so adorable? I almost can't stand it. **

James nervously paced the break room of Rocque records back and forth, glancing up at the clock every 30 seconds or so. Kendall still hadn't arrived at the studio and it was past 6 in the evening, and he wouldn't answer his cellphone either.

Logan was getting nervous as well. He just had alarm bells going off inside of him all afternoon. He remembered the state of wellbeing that Kendall had left in. He was so upset. Logan had only seen Kendall that emotional a couple of times in his life, and each time Kendall had followed it up by acting irrationally.

"I think we should go looking for him," Logan said, breaking the worried silence.

"Right now?" Carlos asked. "Won't Gustavo get mad?"

"Screw Gustavo, Kendall could be hurt," Logan said.

"Why would he be hurt?" Carlos asked, and James turned to Logan and looked him almost accusingly.

"What do you know that we don't, Logan?" James asked.

"Kendall was upset earlier. He said he was going to go find those punks that hurt you and beat them up," Logan said guiltily, and James' eyes widened in terror. Justin and his friends were tough kids. No way would Kendall have been able to take them all by himself.

"Damn it," James said roughly under his breath. Carlos flinched at his choice of words but didn't say anything. The Latino was confused. Kendall had never been stupid enough to pick a fight by himself, and the only time he ever fought anyone was when they were picking on his buddies in front of him.

"The guys always hang out in the park after school, we could go try there first," Logan said.

"Logan, why didn't you tell me Kendall went off by himself?" James asked, balling his fists tightly. He cringed at the pain the pressure caused him, and he quickly loosened his fists.

"He told me not to," Logan said quietly, feeling like he was being attacked. He knew he shouldn't have let Kendall leave the apartment when he did.

"So? You should have told me, I could have stopped him," James said as Logan pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the park. Logan said nothing, just concentrated on the traffic, feeling incredibly guilty already.

"We are going to get in so much trouble," Carlos whined, throwing his head back against the seat. Gustavo would probably kill them when he found they left the studio on their break.

"We'll be fine Carlos," Logan mumbled. He pulled into the Palmwoods park and they searched the large, dark area for Kendall. The park was void of people, as it was dark outside and getting a bit chilly outside. Carlos pulled his jacket against himself tighter as they walked against the wind and called out Kendall's name.

"Maybe he's not here," Carlos finally said, speaking Logan and James' thoughts that the 2 taller boys were too nervous to admit. If he wasn't here, than where could he be?

"Kendall!" James screeched through the trees. The boys jumped when they heard a rustling noise nearby, and they saw a flash of golden hair several yards away.

"Guys?" Kendall asked groggily, shivering uncontrollably.

"Oh my God, Kendall, are you ok?" Logan exclaimed, rushing to Kendall's side. The blonde was trying to hold himself up on his arms, but he collapsed back to the ground, wincing in pain. "What happened, bro?"

"Ugh, I did something stupid," Kendall moaned, trying to suppress his incessant shivering. Not only did he not want to look weak, but the shaking jarred his bruised up torso. "Got in a fight, passed out a while ago. What time is it?"

"It's almost 7 at night," Logan said, assessing Kendall's injuries best he could in the dark. "We need to get you home. Can you walk?"

"Can you help me up?" Kendall asked, his cheeks darkening with a thin layer of blush. Logan nodded and silently asked Carlos' assistance, and together the 2 small boys brought Kendall to his feet. The blonde boy swayed on his feet and fell against Logan, nearly pushing the tiny brunette to the ground.

'Whoa!" James exclaimed, reaching for Kendall and supporting him from under the arms. "Put your arm around my shoulders and I'll help you to the car."

Kendall nodded and did as he was told. He felt his body practically being dragged across the concrete, shoes scrapping behind him, and he was nearly exhausted by the time he got to the car. The boys drove home in silence.

"Dude, how are we going to get Kendall inside without Mama Knight noticing?" Carlos asked as the entered the lobby.

"I'll distract her," James said. "Just wait out in the hall until you hear me say "lucky comb.'" James entered the apartment. Mrs. Knight was busy in the kitchen, cooking up a pot of spaghetti. He went straight to the bathroom and immediately started wailing dramatically.

"James! What in the world is going on?" Mrs. Knight, rushing into the tiny space and clutching her chest in surprise.

James tore open the medicine cabinet and the doors underneath the sink and gestured to them, flailing his hands around miserably.

"I can't find my Cuda Hairspray, and I have a date and I'm freaking out!" James cried. "Please help me look? I can't find my _LUCKY COMB! _ Either," James said, yelling out the lucky comb part.

Mrs. Knight just stared at him, dumbfounded, than rolled her eyes. "Honey, you aren't going on a date tonight. You sir, are grounded. You deliberately ignored my requests…"

James tuned out Mrs. Knight's voice and nonchalantly glanced at Logan and Carlos practically carrying Kendall across the hall, nearly collapsing under his weight. Their chests were heaving and their muscles were quaking as sweat beaded on their foreheads. Kendall just looked annoyed, trying to walk by himself, but the other boys seemed to insist on carrying him.

"…Do you understand me, James Isaac Diamond?" Mrs. Knight finished, staring at the teenager expectantly.

'Yep, got it, grounded. Bye!" James said, waving his fingers at Mrs. Knight and pushing past her to get to Kendall's room.

"Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" James asked, sitting on Kendall's bed next to the blonde boy. Logan was busy examining his purplish torso.

"Ugh, sore," Kendall groaned. "Am I gonna live, Logan?"

"Well… I'm not so sure about that," Logan said.

"_What?" _Kendall cried, sitting up with a jolt. He cried out in pain and cradled his ribs with a wince. Logan pointed to the doorway with a grimace of sympathy. They were so dead.

"What is going on here?" Mrs. Knight demanded, stomping into the bedroom. "Oh my God, Kendall! Explain, now!" Mrs. Knight ghosted her fingers over the bruising on her son's chest and stomach. Kendall gaped at his mother, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

"Uhhh," Kendall said, his heart pounding in his chest. He knew he couldn't lie to his mother. There was no way he could look into her eyes and outright lie, even if it meant getting in trouble. "I got in a fight, mom."

Mrs. Knight looked stunned. "Kendall Donald. What is going on with you boys, huh? You are such good boys and now both of you are in trouble." She looked at James accusingly. He turned red and ducked his head. It was on very rare occasions that Mrs. Knight got upset with her children. "Kendall, I'll fix you up and then you are grounded. No video games, television, skateboarding, guitar, dates, or junk food for 2 weeks. You can come home from the studio and go straight in your room. You and James will have plenty of time to think about your behavior. A fight, Kendall? Really? You know better than this!" Mrs. Knight rubbed her forehead and left to go grab an ice pack and a wet washcloth to wipe off the dried blood on Kendall's face.

"Mama Knight is mad," Carlos said quietly.

"No duh," Kendall said, putting his face in his hands. "Ugh, this whole week has been crazy. This whole month has been crazy, actually. I'm ready for it to be _over."_

James sadly looked at his shoes, his floppy bangs covering his eyes so nobody could see the hurt expression in his eyes. The only reason why this month was crazy was because of him.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna head to bed early," James said, turning to leave the crowded bedroom.

"But dinner is in 15 minutes," Mrs. Knight said, entering the room with an armful of supplies.

"Can you just save some for me for later? I am really tired," James said. He scurried out of the bedroom without another word.

"That was weird," Logan said softly. He made a mental note to be sure to check on James later on to make sure he was alright.

Mrs. Knight laid icepacks against Kendall's tender, marred skin and had him swallow a couple of Tylenols before cleaning his face up.

"Too many injuries in one day for me," Mrs. Knight said, dabbing Kendall's nose gently. She couldn't stand to see her children hurt in any way. It made her sick to know Kendall was bleeding.

"I'm really sorry mom," Kendall said sincerely. "Those guys hurt James. I had to do something about it. You don't know the crap James has been going through. I just want to fix it for him."

"I know you do baby, but some things are out of your control, you know that," Mrs. Knight said, pushing Kendall's bangs off of his forehead lovingly. "You can't fight fire with fire. Or else this happens." Mrs. Knight gestured to Kendall's torso. She grabbed a sweatshirt and helped him into the warm fabric. "I'll go get dinner for you. I want you to stay in bed."

Kendall nodded and watched his mom leave. He could see the disappointment in her eyes as she spoke to him. He instantly regretted ever trying to fight those goons.

"You ok?" Logan asked, noticing Kendall was still shivering. He covered his body with a warm comforter and patted his shoulder.

"I guess so," Kendall said halfheartedly.

"Hey, you didn't mean for this to happen. You were only trying to help," Carlos said, trying to offer some comfort.

"Then why do I keep getting the feeling I made things much worse?" Kendall wondered softly.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James buried his face into his pillow, fighting the exhaustion that the events of the day had brought. He just wanted to sleep everything away. He wanted to wake up and find that everything had gone back to normal, the way they were supposed to be.

He hated this. He hated it so much. He was sick of the nightmares, he was sick of his friends treating him like a delicate flower. He hated being teased in school. He hated the knowing, pitiful glances that all of his friends and acquaintances gave him. He felt so incredibly weak, yet there was nothing he could do to help himself. He was afraid that he was going to be scared for the rest of his life. That the fear would never go away. He couldn't live like this. The fear was taking over not only his life, but the lives of his friends as well. Kendall was in pain and in trouble because of him. Logan and Carlos were worried sick. It was only going to get worse as the days went on and the fear progressed.

Suddenly, James heard somebody open a door and felt somebodies presence in the doorway. He shut his eyes quickly and evened out his breathing, trying to pull off the illusion that he was sleeping.

The figure crept closer to him and he felt a gentle hand lay on his shoulder. "James, you awake?" Logan's voice whispered. James refused to acknowledge him and kept his face in the pillow. Logan sighed, not convinced that James was really asleep.

"Good night James," Logan whispered, rubbing his shoulder blades for a moment. James relaxed into the touch, but still kept quiet. After a minute Logan gave up and left the dimly lit room for his own.

About an hour later, Carlos entered the room and got dressed for bed, than silently slipped underneath his covers. James could feel Carlos' eyes on him for several long, and a little bit creepy, moments. Finally, soft snores could be heard from across the room, indicating the younger boy was fast asleep.

James rolled onto his back and folded his hands behind his soft locks, staring at Carlos' glow-stars on the ceiling. He grabbed his Ipod, knowing this was going to be a long night.

A few hours passed, and James was fighting to stay awake. His eyes burned and his mind felt foggy. But he could not deal with another nightmare. He needed a break. He would rather be tired than have to endure another night terror.

But over the low volume of his Ipod through his earplugs, James could hear a strange, muffled sound coming from the other side of his wall. He glanced at the clock. It read 1 AM. He pulled out his earplugs and listened carefully. It sounded strangely like a coughing sound.

James threw his bare feet over the side of the bed and lowered himself onto the freezing wood floor. He tiptoed out of his room and into Kendall and Logan's room. Logan was snoring away. He was always an extremely heavy sleeper. But Kendall was coughing into his pillow, his thin body quaking in pain with each hack. He sounded horribly congested, and when James got closer, he could see tears running down his pale face.

"Kendall, are you alright?" James asked, concern churning in his stomach. Kendall jumped, not realizing that somebody was next to him.

"I think so," Kendall rasped, rolling onto his side. He moaned and held his ribs, waiting for the pain to pass. His mom had told him it would hurt for a while, but he didn't think it would be this bad.

James sat next to Kendall nervously. Logan was better at this stuff than he was, but the junior doctor was sleeping and he didn't want to disturb his slumber. "You sound sick," James noted, listening to Kendall's sniffles and coughs.

"No, I'm not sick," Kendall said with a chuckle, though he wasn't quite sure he believed his own words. His chest felt heavy with gunk, his throat scratched and ached, and he felt generally overheated and tired.

James felt Kendall's forehead and frowned. "You feel warm, dude. What's wrong? You can tell me, you know I won't freak out like your mom or Logan and baby you or anything."

Kendall sighed. "I don't feel very good. But don't tell mom, please. Can I just have a couple more Tylenols? My ribs are killing me."

"Yeah, no problem," James said. He left for the bathroom and found a bottle of Tylenol, than brought the bottle and a glass of water to Kendall, who thankfully drank down the pills. "You must have gotten sick from sleeping in the chilly weather all day."

"Mmm, it's just a cold, no biggie," Kendall said. He took a deep breath that rattled his ribs and moaned. James reached out and rubbed his arm. He would have rubbed Kendall's back, but he was afraid that would only hurt him even more.

"I'm really sorry bro," James said softly.

"Why are you sorry?" Kendall asked, his heavy eyelids starting to flutter shut. James noticed his ill friend's exhaustion and ignored his question.

"Just go to sleep," James whispered. His palm rubbed circles into Kendall's shoulder and the blonde slowly slipped into a deep sleep. Every so often he would cough or moan. James felt terrible. It was his fault that Kendall was sick. It was his fault Kendall was beat up left to rot in the park all day. If it wasn't for him, Kendall would be healthy and pain-free.

James rested his hand on Kendall's forehead, making sure that his fever wasn't anything dangerous. He was only warm, not burning, so James took that as good thing.

"I'm sorry Kendall," James said one more time. A tear rolled out of the corner of his eye and splashed onto Kendall's cheek, and the brunette gently wiped it away before heading back to his bed, where he knew a long, sleepless night would be awaiting him.

**A/N Ok so I listened to Elevate on the aol listening party and just… I can only say one thing about it: I was crying. It's beautiful. I am so impressed. Yay boys! I am so proud of them. I wish they knew how much they just influence my life and take everything away. They are seriously such a bright, warm light in my life. **

**Um, anyway, I hope you liked this and please review, they are Narwhals! Ps, tell me your favorite song off of Elevate if you have one yet!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Happy Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my crazy life, and my amazing friends and the adventures we share together. I'm thankful that I get to help raise two tiny angel boys, and the joyous and stressful learning experiences that go along with it. I'm thankful for my insane family, and for my cute lil van. I am thankful for the amazing studio that I have the privilege of dancing at. I am thankful for my gift of dance and writing, and I am so thankful for ALL of my readers. Every single one of you is special to me, even if I have never met you or even talked to you! You guys have a special place in my heart. I love you! And, of course, I am thankful for our boys Carlos, James, Logan and Kendall. They do wonders to my life, and I love them!**

Carlos blinked his heavy eyes at the sunlight that poured into his bedroom, slowly slipping out of a deep sleep. The young Latino yawned and flipped onto his stomach, hoping for a few more minutes of sleep, but for some odd reason, something seemed slightly different than most mornings. For one, he felt well rested, which was an unusual thing lately because of James' constant night terrors. The other reason was that James' bed was empty. Usually James was asleep in the morning, because it was the only time he could sleep without a lot of night terrors.

Despite his wish to continue his undisturbed sleep that he was in desperate need of, Carlos was too curious to find James to fall back to sleep. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and shivered when his toes brushed the cold floor. He lied down on his stomach and rummaged through the stack of random items under the bed to find a pair of slippers. When he finally found his fuzzy blue slippers, he padded into the kitchen to find James cooking up pancakes. Carlos' eyes lit up. It had been ages since he had some of James' ultimate chocolate chip syrupy pancakes.

"Oh, are those pancakes?" Carlos exclaimed from behind the brunette's shoulder. James jumped 3 inches off of the ground and flung pancake batter through the air, startled by the sudden, loud voice.

"Oh, Carlos you scared me buddy," James said with a nervous chuckle, wiping batter out of his long lashes with a towel. "What are you doing up so early?"

Carlos shrugged and sat at the bar, watching his best friend while he cooked breakfast. Nobody really knew this, but James was the best cook Carlos ever met besides his mom.

"I don't know. I guess because you didn't wake me up all night so now I feel great!" Carlos said. James flinched at the comment. Carlos didn't mean to hurt his feelings and James knew that, but he couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty that he was the reason why his friends were sleep deprived.

"Hey, wait a minute," Carlos said slowly, his chocolate eyes scrunching up and his cheeks puffing out in an excited grin. "You didn't wake me up all night! That means you didn't have a nightmare! James, you slept without a nightmare!"

James smiled sadly and stirred the rest of his pancake batter bitterly. "Yeah, I guess so buddy."

"Is that why you are making pancakes, James, to celebrate getting better?" Carlos asked innocently. James nodded as he served Carlos the first batch of buttery, chocolaty pancakes.

"Yep, that's why I am making pancakes," James lied, forcing his fake smile to stay glued upon his exhausted features. James was only making breakfast because he was bored of lying awake in his bed for hours.

The 2 boys ate in silence for a while the other boys slept. It didn't take long for Carlos to realize his friends were missing.

"Hey, where are Kendall and Logan?"

"They're sleeping, so don't wake them up," James said. It was only 7 AM, and it was a Saturday, meaning they were free until Gustavo called them into the studio. "Kendall's sick."

"Kendall's sick?" Carlos asked in surprise, a piece of pancake falling out of his mouth. "Kendall is never sick. What's wrong with him? Did he eat a bad corndog?"

"No, Carlos, it wasn't a corndog. He stayed out in the cold all day with injuries so he has a chest cold," James said with a guilty sigh. "We'll just let him sleep, ok?"

"Oh. Does Mama Knight know?" Carlos asked.

"No, she and Katie left a couple hours ago to go visit some relatives, remember? If she found out, she would be here babying him to death and he hates that," James said. "It's just a cold. We can take care of him ourselves." James looked up from his pancakes, not so hungry anymore even though he had only eaten half a pancake. Carlos was already finishing his 3rd pancake.

"Carlos, you should go back to sleep," James said, studying his younger friend. "You look tired. I want you to catch up on sleep."

"I'm not sleepy, James," Carlos said after chugging a glass of milk. He watched James throw on a jacket and a pair of slip-on shoes.

"Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes," James said. He was the only reason why his friends were tired and ill and he felt strangely protective over them all of a sudden. He led Carlos to his room, closed the shades, and pushed the Latino onto his bed. Carlos lied down and snuggled under the warmth of his blankets. Ok, maybe he was more tired than he thought now that he was in his comfy bed with a full tummy.

"Where are you going, James?" Carlos asked. His usually overly-pretty friend never went out in public with tousled hair and just a hoodie and jeans like he was wearing right now.

"I just need to get out of the house for a little while, get some air. I'll be home in a few minutes. Good night."

"Don't you mean good morning?"

"Just go to sleep, 'Litos." James left Carlos' room and quietly slipped into Kendall's. The blonde was sleeping peacefully, but he looked pale and he was hot to the touch. James let his hand linger on Kendall's forehead, gaging his temperature. He didn't seem feverish enough to wake Logan, so James just placed a glass of water and a bottle of pills on his bedside and left the apartment. He was only gone for a few hours to walk around the mall and clear his head, but he was greeted with a livid Logan when he arrived home.

"James Isaac Diamond! Where have you been?" Logan exclaimed. James stumbled backwards when the small boy practically jumped on him and stood on tip-toe so that they were eye-level.

"Um, the mall," James said, blinking and looking at the flooring below him. It was kind of creepy when an angry Logan looked you directly in the eye. It was like he was reading your soul.

Logan sighed and backed off. "Dude, you're supposed to be grounded. Mrs. Knight specifically put me in charge of you and Kendall's punishment. You aren't supposed to leave the apartment except for school and for the studio."

"Sorry, I forgot. You guys were all sleeping and I got bored," James said. "And you won't have to worry about Kendall sneaking off, he's too sick to go anywhere." James sighed and sat on the orange couch, curling his long legs beneath him. Logan tilted his head to the side, giving James a confused glance.

"What do you mean he's sick?" Logan asked, looking from Kendall's doorway to James' now sprawled out figure on the couch.

"Don't tell him I told you," James mumbled with a long, loud yawn. He buried his face in a brightly colored throw pillow, feeling incredibly tired. Even stopping at his favorite coffee shop on the way home couldn't fight his exhaustion. He listened to Logan rush to Kendall's room before slipping into a half-asleep state.

"Kendall, buddy you ok?" Logan whispered, shaking the blonde boy's limp shoulder gently. Logan was displeased to find his best friend under a pile of blankets, snoring away with a stuffed up nose and flushed cheeks. Kendall muttered something unintelligible and nearly disappeared under his blanket fort. Logan frowned and pulled back the covers a bit so he could feel Kendall's forehead. As he anticipated, he was burning with a fever.

Kendall groaned and let his eyelids flutter open, a bit upset that he was woken up and even more upset that James must have told Logan. "I'm fine Logan, just a cold."

"Your fever says it's more than just a cold," Logan said, picking up the bottle of Tylenol and studying it. "I'm going to bring you something that will help with more of your symptoms. Just hold tight ok?"

Kendall nodded, and the simple movement sent him into a coughing fit. Logan listened to the congested hacks from the bathroom and brought him some stronger fever and pain reducers and some cough syrup.

"Did James tell you I was sick?" Kendall asked, clutching his throbbing ribs. Logan cringed under Kendall's feverish emerald glare.

"Yes," he squeaked, spooning up a serving of cough syrup for Kendall. The blonde opened his mouth and swallowed the medicine with a sour expression on his face.

"I can't believe I got sick," Kendall whined with a cough.

"I'm sorry," James' tired voice rang through the doorway. Kendall and Logan looked up to see James leaning against the door frame with sleepy eyes and a frown.

"Hey, I thought you fell asleep," Logan said.

James shrugged. He had woken up from his half-sleep to hear Kendall coughing violently and got concerned. "I just wanted to check on Kendall. How are you feeling, buddy?"

"'Been better," Kendall mumbled, squirming to find a comfortable position. Being on his stomach put too much pressure on his ribs and laying on his back caused his stuffy nose to drip into his throat, making him cough more which only caused his bruised up ribs to scream in pain. Finally, he curled up on his side with his arms protectively holding his middle, as if to keep himself together with each shuddering cough he emitted.

"I'm sorry Kendall," James said again. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I just want to sleep," Kendall said, missing the guilty tone that plagued James' soft voice.

"Alright buddy, we'll check on you in a bit," Logan said. He nudged James and led him out to the living room.

"Are you ok James?" The young doctor asked, noticing that he seemed to be acting kind of unusual.

"Yeah, why?" James asked, trying to play it off like he was perfectly fine.

"Well, you went to the mall looking like you just woke up, you're acting all mopey, and you seem really tired."

"Nope, I'm fine," James replied, flashing him a pearly-white grin to prove it. Logan studied him for a minute longer before nodding.

"Alright, I'm going to make some lunch for us. Can you go wake up Mr. Lazy and tell him corndogs will be ready in 15 minutes?"

James saluted and went to Carlos' room to wake up the sleeping Latino by bouncing a pillow against his scrunched up face. Carlos sputtered and sat up, confused by the rude awakening. He laughed when he saw James looking with an innocent look on his face, even though he was holding a pillow behind his back nonchalantly.

James you suck," Carlos said with a giggle, pouncing on the taller boys back and wrapping his arms around his neck. James laughed and spun around a couple times to make him dizzy.

"Do you want some corndogs?" James asked, shifting Carlos' weight so he wouldn't slide down his back.

"Yeah I want some corndogs!" Carlos yelled. James laughed and gave Carlos a piggy-back ride to the kitchen, than slipped him onto a chair.

"Ssh, don't wake up Kendall," Logan hissed, placing 3 glasses of chocolate milk on the table.

"Oh right, Kendall's still sick," Carlos said. "Is he getting any better?"

"No, it's going to take a couple of days 'Litos," Logan said, amused. Carlos frowned while sucking on his straw, savoring his delicious chocolate milk for a moment before remembering something.

"Ooh, James, did you tell Logan the good news?" The hyper Latino asked, practically bouncing in his chair. Logan smiled and cocked an eyebrow at a confused James.

"Oh, I'll tell him," Carlos said excitedly. "James slept all night without one nightmare, Logan! James is getting better!"

Logan's eyes widened and he turned to James with a proud, crooked smile. "Really James, You slept through the night without a nightmare?"

James was frozen for a minute, and he took a long sip of chocolate milk to gather his thoughts. He was briefly reminded of the Twix commercials while he took a moment to think up a lie.

"Yep, I didn't have one nightmare last night," James finally said with a grin. That wasn't really a lie, was it? He really didn't have a nightmare, because he didn't _sleep._

"Well that's great buddy, keep it up," Logan said as if James could actually control it. He gave the tall brunette an affectionate pat on the shoulder before tending to the corndogs baking in the oven. James smiled, but it slowly melted into a sad frown as soon as Carlos and Logan were distracted by other things.

He didn't even realize the lies he was starting to build, and Carlos and Logan didn't even realize how fooled they were by them.

**A/N Oh no! James is starting to lie to them about his nightmares, and he's only getting guiltier. Thanks for reading and please review? And what did everyone think about their gorgeous rendition of the National Anthem? It was simply breathtaking. Love those boys! Enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and black Friday! Mine was crazy. I literally didn't get any sleep over the holiday. I am so glad it's over, despite all the fun I had and all the sugar I engulfed over the past 48 hours. Ps Ihop's eggnog pancakes and gingerbread hot chocolate will keep you buzzing for 38 hours straight haha. **

**I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I don't like writing Mrs. Knight so I kicked her out of the story. Cause I have the power wham-pow! **

James nestled into the couch, resting heavily against the arm cushion, too tired to even really keep his head up straight. His long legs were curled up next to him, poking Logan in the side. Every now and then Logan would shove his legs off the couch but James would just hoist them back up and purposely jab Logan in the side with his toes. Logan would give him a "really?" look and smack his knees, and James would just grin. Hey, something had to entertain him to keep him from falling asleep, and the superhero movie playing out on the HD television in front of them was not doing the trick. Carlos seemed to be the only one who was enjoying the movie. He loved superheroes, and he was currently upside down, his bottom half on the couch next to Logan and his top half hanging off like it was the most comfortable thing in the world.

"Carlos, sit up dude," Logan warned him, peering over the couch to look at the Latino's beet-red face, his cheeks squished by his protective, shiny black helmet.

"But I'm comfy!" Carlos argued, his chocolate eyes never once leaving the bright-green superhero bouncing around the screen.

"You're going to get brain damage, and you don't need any more of that, trust me," Logan said. Carlos pouted and folded his arms around his chest, but didn't make a move to obey the young genius.

"Why doesn't he listen to me?" Logan wondered with a sigh, looking over to James for assistance. James got up and stepped over Carlos, than sat next to the Latino.

"'Litos, sit up," James said with a mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes. When Carlos shook his head like a defiant 4 year old would, James reached down to tickle around his exposed bellybutton with his bandaged fingers, causing Carlos to squirm and squeal, his arms flailing to cover his tummy. In a matter of seconds, Carlos was a giggling heap on the floor, pleading for Logan to help him while James mercilessly tickled his middle and under his arms.

"Don't help him, get his feet!" James said deviously, attacking Carlos' sides. Logan grabbed one of Carlos' struggling legs, tore off his slipper, and tickled his foot, making Carlos practically screech with laughter.

"Guys, guys stop!" Carlos cried in a hoarse voice between squeals.

"Never!" James said, continuing the tickle fest. Carlos grew weaker and weaker, and it was easier to hold him down to subject him to endless tickles.

"Guys?" A rough but soft voice asked from behind the couch. The boys ceased their tickle fight as it took a moment for them to recognize the voice.

"Oh, Kendall," James breathed, taking in the blondes ill appearance. Kendall could hardly stand up straight, and he was a pale gray color. He was clutching his ribs and his eyes were sleepy and half-closed like he just woke up.

"Did we wake you up? I am so sorry!" Logan said, helping Kendall around the couch so he could sit down and rest. Kendall shook his head and waved his hand.

"It's ok," Kendall said tightly. He coughed harshly a few times, followed by a groan of pain. James' stomach clenched at the sound. Kendall was obviously miserable, and he couldn't stand seeing him like that, especially when he was the reason for it. His mind immediately started thinking of ways to make him feel better, but he was at a loss. This was Logan's expertise, not his.

"Do you want to watch the movie with us Kendall?" Carlos asked when he finally caught his breath, recovering from the tickle abuse. Kendall shrugged and buried his face in the couch cushion. James and Logan shared a worried look.

"You ok, buddy?" James asked sweetly, rubbing his shoulders gently. The brunette loved having his shoulders rubbed when he wasn't feeling well, so he hoped Kendall would be comforted by it, too. Kendall didn't answer. He was too tired and sick to move or speak. James reached over and moved the hair from his face so he could feel his forehead.

"Logan, he's really hot," James announced, withdrawing his hand. Logan replaced James' hand with his to gage Kendall's temperature. The sick boy squirmed, obviously uncomfortable with all of the attention.

"I'll go get the thermometer. Just hold tight buddy," Logan said. He quickly disappeared to the bathroom and James sat next to Kendall, studying his pale face.

"What's hurting you, buddy?" James asked softly, knowing that Kendall was suffering from more than just a cold. The older boy was always quite good at hiding his pain but at this point, he wasn't even bothering to hide it. He looked ready to burst into tears at any moment.

Kendall closed his eyes and took in a couple of labored breaths, which only worried James even further.

"My chest," Kendall whispered. The blonde shivered and started coughing once again.

"He sounds so sick," Carlos whimpered in James' ear.

"It's ok, bro. Can you get me a glass of ice water for Kendall?" James asked. Carlos nodded eagerly and ran to the kitchen. While Carlos fetched water, Logan came back with the thermometer and slipped it under Kendall's tongue.

"He sounds congested, Loges," James commented while they waited. Logan frowned and listened carefully to Kendall's soft, ragged breaths.

"You're right, good ear James," Logan said after a couple of moments. "I'll go get him some cough medicine." Logan disappeared again, leaving James to check Kendall's temperature.

"One-oh-two point six. That sounds high," James mumbled, wondering if he should call Kendall's mom.

Kendall violently trembled with a sudden cough and tears pooled at the corners of his eyes at the painful shock radiating through his ribs. "James," he croaked, looking at the brunette with pleading eyes.

"It's ok, I'm here," James said, throwing the thermometer aside so he could wrap a throw blanket around Kendall's shaking body. He wished he knew what to do. How could he fix this? It was all his fault, Kendall getting beat up and left out in the cold for hours upon hours. James caused this, and he wanted nothing more than to make Kendall better.

"Here Kendall, take this. It will help your congestion," Logan said, holding up a spoon filled with purple liquid to Kendall's white, chapped lips. Kendall nodded and parted his mouth so Logan could give him the sticky medication. Kendall swallowed harshly, wincing as the thick, sweet liquid slowly trickled down his aching throat. He followed it with the glass of water Carlos handed him. The little Latino looked at him expectantly, hoping that the glass of water would somehow cure him in a matter of minutes.

"Thanks guys," Kendall said tiredly.

"No problem, we're here for you bro," Logan said. "Just get some sleep ok?"

Kendall didn't need to be told twice, and he drifted off to sleep right after James slipped a pillow under his head and tucked him in snugly.

"Let's just watch another movie to pass the time," Logan said. It was only 3 pm, and he knew that the rest of the day would move slowly. Carlos put in Shrek 3 for them to watch and Logan made some snacks. James nibbled on his bowl of Chex Mix distractedly. Due to lack of sleep, he wasn't hungry at all and he had been eating inadequately the past couple of days. Even the smallest amount of food made his stomach feel uncomfortable. He had no idea what was happening on the television and he could care less, all he knew was that the little gingerbread man screeching his ear off was getting on his last nerve. He felt zoned out to the entire world except for one thing: Kendall. Every time the sick boy would moan or shuffle or sniff, James' eyes would dart over to his sleeping form and wouldn't leave until he was sure Kendall was fast asleep.

"Dude, are you ok?" Logan asked after the 20th time James adjusted the blue and white blanket draped over Kendall's body.

"Yeah… Why?" James asked his voice spacey and distant. His only focus was on Kendall.

"I think you should take a nap," Logan said. "Kendall will be fine, but you're starting to look just as bad as he is."

"Yeah, you do look pretty bad," Carlos said with a mouth stuffed full of cheddar snacks.

"Thanks Carlos, for your input," James said acidly. "But I don't need a nap."

"But maybe you're not all caught up on sleep. You know, cause of your nightmares. James Diamond doesn't sparkle without his 8 hours, right?" Carlos said. "And you have been getting a lot less than 8 hours a night the past month."

"Carlos, I am sleeping fine and I don't need a nap," James snapped, even though his eyelids felt like they weighed 3 tons, and his mind was buzzing, begging him for sleep. Just a short rest, maybe 15 minutes…

James suddenly shook his head at the thought while mumbling a silent "no" too himself, causing Logan to raise his eyebrow, confused and a little weirded out.

"You are whack dude," Carlos mumbled, turning away from his friends so he could finish the hyper movie on the television.

"You're really worried about him, aren't you?" Logan wondered, slightly in awe by James' compassion. It was no secret that James cared deeply about his friends, but he was never this benevolent about it, so eager to help.

"It's my fault he's sick," James whispered. His voice was so quiet he was sure nobody could hear it, but it even caught Carlos' attention.

"It's not your fault, James," Carlos said, looking at his big brother with stern, chocolate eyes. James looked down guiltily. Logan gave him a sympathetic glance and rubbed his broad shoulders.

"Carlos is right, James. Why would you think that?" Logan asked as gently as possible, careful not to scare James away. Lately he had been noticing that James was acting quite closed up, something that was very unlike the usually boisterous young man.

"If Kendall hadn't needed to protect me, than he would be perfectly healthy right now, not burning up with fever and practically crying in his sleep. If I wasn't such a… Such a baby," James said spitefully. Logan could hear the disgust in James' voice. He was upset with himself for something beyond his control.

"No, James that is not true," Logan said, swiping away a long lock of auburn hair from James' cheek to reveal tears glistening in his hurt eyes.

"You're not a baby," Carlos said, placing a hand on James' knee. "You're the strongest person I know."

James scoffed, as if to say "Yeah right." He didn't expect his friends to understand. A strange, pressured feeling settled over his heart as he started to realize he would have to deal with this completely on his own. They would never be able to understand, and James didn't want them too. He didn't want them to know that he was scared of his own shadow, and that being in between 4 walls for too long caused him to feel panicked. They would never understand how utterly helpless and scared he was.

"James, what's wrong?" Carlos asked, watching James' lip quivered with some unspoken resolve he suddenly seemed to have.

"N-nothing," he said, wiping a tear from his cheeks.

"But you're crying-"

"Carlos! It's _nothing,"_ James said sternly, a little louder than he really intended, making the younger boy jump slightly. "I'm fine, ok? I'll be fine."

Carlos stared at him with wide eyes for a couple moments before his small shoulders slumped. He glanced at Logan solemnly, than turned his attention back to Shrek, watching the obnoxious donkey and green ogre duo in silence. Logan sighed, annoyed by James' mood swings, and the tallest boy pinched his eyes shut, trying to ward off the oncoming headache that crept its way in. He didn't mean to upset Carlos or cause the sudden uncomfortable tension in the cozy living room, but he almost believed his own words.

…Almost.

**A/N Thanks so much for reading! Do you know how much I love coming home to a full inbox and such sweet reviews? I love it as much as I love diet Pepsi, which is A LOT. Yeehaw! Love you guys, thanks so much! I hope you all are still likin'this story!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Yes I know I suck. You can all attack me with rabid raccoons now. PS thanks for all the reviews and reads you guys make my heart happy! **

James had never been more tired in his life. He felt absolutely _drained._ He was finding it hard to concentrate, or talk, or even move. It was 10 pm and 2J was slowly getting ready for bed. Carlos was brushing his teeth and singing one of their songs, but James couldn't recognize the tune due to the fact that the singer's mouth was filled with toothpaste. Kendall was already fast asleep on the couch, and Logan was doing dishes in the kitchen. James was situated on the couch with Kendall, where he hadn't really moved from all day long. It was a lazy day for all of them. And James was quite thankful for the sedentary day. He felt like he couldn't function even if he wanted to.

"James you should head up to bed," Logan said. He was done washing the dinner dishes and now went around the small apartment, turning off any lamps that were on.

"Nah, not tired yet," James said, but his voice betrayed him. Logan could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but he knew arguing with James would be futile. The taller boy was stubborn when he needed to be. Logan even considered James to be more stubborn than Kendall at times.

"Alright buddy. Try to get to bed soon though. And no more nightmares, ok? Maybe they're finally over," Logan said. But James just continued to frown at the television and barely shrugged. Logan walked over to his best friend and wrapped his arms around his neck, taking James by surprise.

"It's going to be ok James," Logan assured him in that gentle, fatherly tone that just came naturally to him. James smiled, leaning into the warmth that Logan's arms provided.

"Thanks Logie," James breathed, squeezing his small friend against his chest before releasing him. "Good night, buddy."

"Good night James," Logan said. He ruffled James' hair and smiled, than headed to his room. James sighed and leaned back against the couch. He felt a little better after Logan's random brotherly affection, but he was still sleepy. He almost laid down to rest for a bit, but he suddenly remembered the horrible nightmares that had been plaguing him for the past month as soon as he shut his eyes. He didn't want to experience those feelings again. He didn't want to feel like he was trapped anymore, in that tiny space. So tiny, that he couldn't even move. He didn't want to remember that he was just forced to lay there, arms pinned at his sides. He couldn't sit up, and he couldn't breathe. All he had to do was wait and pray for help to come as panic set in and clouded any rational thoughts. It was too much for him to take. He refused to go through it ever again. It was bad enough that it happened once, but the fact that he had to relive it night after night after night? That was just cruel. It was a cruel punishment for just being naïve little James. Sure he shouldn't have trusted those jerks, but he didn't deserve to be tortured like this. It just wasn't _fair._

By the time 2 AM rolled around, James was still wide awake on the couch. Kendall was slumped against him, his sweaty blonde head heavy on James' shoulder. The sick boy had woken up a few times during the night from his sickness and struggled to get comfortable, moaning and clutching his ribs. Finally he settled against James about an hour ago and had been sleeping like a rock ever since. James envied him. He wished he could sleep like Kendall was, peaceful and dead to the world. But for James the only thing that waited for him beyond the walls of sleep was more pain and fear. James wasn't as scared while he was awake, at least right now anyway, and there was only one reason why. Right now he had Kendall next to him to protect him. But in his dreams, he was alone. He had nobody to protect him. What if he went to sleep, and he never woke up? What if he just stayed in his night terror forever in some sort of morbid, terrifying coma until he finally slipped from the world?

James gulped and clutched Kendall tightly, searching for his older friend's presence. He wished he could wake the sleeping boy and tell him how scared he felt. He wished he could ask for help. He wished he could have Kendall hold him and rock him until he fell into a dreamless sleep. He wished he could go find the boys that did this to him and just _scream _at them, whatever good that would do. He knew retaliation fixed nothing. He would still be the scared little boy he had been since it happened. But a small piece of him wanted those boys to know how screwed up he was because of that stupid little "prank". He wanted them to know that not only did they ruin his life, but they ruined the lives of his brothers around him, because now they had to deal with the mess it caused no matter how hard James tried to hide it. No matter what, James would never be able to hide it. It was only a matter of time before they found out, and James dreaded it with all of his being. He wanted to be strong for his brothers. Sure, he was dramatic and goofy and crazy and that's how they knew him for, but ever since he was little he always wanted to be strong for them, he always wanted to be their rock in times of need. Carlos and Logan were so small and innocent, and poor Kendall couldn't carry the weight of leadership all by himself. He always wanted to help Kendall carry that weight, share it with him, but how was he to do that when he was paralyzed with fear _all the time?_

James yelped and shivered when a hand suddenly shook him from his debilitating thoughts. He turned to see Kendall gazing at him with feverish green eyes. He missed the trepidation in his emerald orbs, thinking instead that Kendall was only awake because he didn't feel well and not because James had unknowingly woken him up with his quiet sobs.

"Are you alright Kendall?" The brunette asked, reaching out to lay his palm on Kendall's sweaty forehead. Kendall didn't answer James. He instead just stared at him and ignored the question, studying his sad features. James frowned, confused. "Kendall buddy, what's wrong?"

"You're crying," Kendall finally said, pointing to his tear-stained cheeks.

"What? No I'm not," James said. He felt his cheek with his fingers and realized that it was soaked with his own tears. No wonder Kendall had looked so stunned. Normal people don't break into sobs at night without even knowing it.

James quickly wiped his face with the heels of his palms and put on a smile. "It's nothing Kendall, don't worry about it. How are you feeling?"

"I feel sick," Kendall said hesitantly, and James knew he wasn't going to let what he just witnessed go without interrogation. "But James you-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" James snapped angrily, much louder than he intended. His heart plunged with guilt when Kendall visibly recoiled, sinking against the back of the couch. He could tell Kendall was trying to mask the hurt in his soft green eyes by the way he blinked his lashes rapidly and averted his gaze to the floor.

James sighed and put his chin in his hands. He thought about saying something, anything to erase the rejection on Kendall's confused, startled features. But nothing came to mind. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to let Kendall know what he was thinking.

Several moments of awkward silence was broken when Kendall went into a coughing fit. His body heaved and shuddered quite violently with each breath he struggled to get in. James quickly closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Kendall to steady him.

"James," Kendall choked out in a pleading, broken voice. "I don't feel so good, James."

"I know, I'm sorry," James said softly. He hugged Kendall tighter, hoping to alleviate some of his pain. "It'll be over soon, ok? Just let it out." He patted Kendall's back to help him, but the coughing only got worse. James brought him water and tried to give him some cough syrup, but Kendall only coughed them both right back up before he could fully swallow them. James feared that his constant coos of "It'll be alright Kendall" were false. He knew his friend was really sick right now, and he had no idea what to do.

James' concern turned into panic when Kendall slumped against the couch, curling up on his side. His coughs grew weaker and his quick breaths began to rattle, and tears were prickling at the edges of his pained eyes.

"James, I can't breathe," Kendall gasped out. Tears were flowing down his scarlet cheeks now from the force of the coughs and the throbbing in his ribs. James put his hand on Kendall's cheek and wiped the droplets away tenderly.

"Ok buddy, I'm gonna help you just hold on ok?" James screwed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate through the tired fog that loomed over his mind. Kendall was wheezing now and James made the quick decision to scoop him up into his arms, grab the car keys off of the bar in the kitchen, and headed down to the parking garage.

James felt his heart pound a bit too quick for his liking and a growing feeling of dread spread through his stomach. Kendall was limp in his arms as he struggled to breath and James willed himself not to have another panic attack, for Kendall's sake.

"We'll be at the hospital soon Kendall, just hold on ok?" James said, and he was surprised by how calm his voice sounded when he felt ready to explode at any second. He raced to the emergency room, gathered Kendall into his arms, and carried him through the automatic doors.

"Somebody help me, my friend can't breathe!" James shouted. It was a matter of seconds before Kendall was whisked from his arms and wheeled away past double doors. Everything was a whirlwind and it left James feeling alone and panicked.

"Sir, your friend will be fine," a kind nurse said soothingly. "I need you to fill out these forms for me, please. Is there a number we can call to get a hold of his mother?"

"Yes, it's 555-3234," James said, relaying the information emotionlessly, as if he were a robot. "But she's not here, she's on vacation. It's just me and him and our younger brothers."

"Ok, that's fine," the nurse said in that same tone of voice, as if she were talking to a scared 5 year old. "I'll give her a call while you fill these out, ok? You can have a seat over here." The nurse handed him a clipboard and lead him over to the large waiting area. He barely noticed when she slipped away. He sat down on an uncomfortable gray chair, feeling a bit dizzy. He rested his face in his hands for a minute, trying to calm his beating heart.

"Oh man, Kendall," he groaned, voice barely a whisper. Nothing like this had ever happened to Kendall before. The teen was usually so healthy. It was James' fault that he had gotten so sick. If Kendall had never been left alone and beat up in the cold all day, he would be sleeping in his own bed without bruised ribs or fevers.

Carlos and Logan's faces suddenly flashed across James' mind and he knew he had to call them and let them know what was going on. He prayed Logan left his cell phone on as he dialed the number. It rang a few times before a drowsy, small voice answered.

"Jamie?" Logan asked, barely even conscious yet.

"Yeah, it's me," James said. He winced when his voice, after trying to keep it steady throughout the whole ordeal, started to waver and weaken.

"Why are you calling me dude?" Logan asked, under the impression that James and Kendall were both safe and snug on the couch.

"Kendall's sick, Logie. I brought him to the hospital. He couldn't breathe. I think it's 'cause of his ribs. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. Just get here as quick as you can, ok? I.. I'm scared."

"Yeah, buddy I'm coming just hold tight. Let me get Carlos up."

"Ok," James said, feeling like a small, helpless child.

"And James?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Kendall… Is he ok, do you know?"

"I don't know Logan," James said. His voice cracked pitifully and he had to stifle his tears. Logan said his goodbye and hung up so he could grab Carlos and get to the ER quickly.

James felt alone, even though the waiting room had several guests in it, all of whom stared at him as if he was nutters. James ignored their worried glances and buried his face into his hands, but he could still feel their eyes upon him, probably scrutinizing how big of a freak he was, how big of a screw up.

James took a deep, shuddering breath, praying for his friends to show up or a doctor to come alleviate his stress and tell him that Kendall was perfectly healthy now and ready to go home. He looked up the clock that read 2:25. They should be there in about 15 minutes…

"James, hey you with us?" A soft voice asked. James couldn't recognize who it belonged to. He was in a heavy daze, almost as if someone had punched him out. Sounds seemed far away and when he opened his eyes, everything was blurry.

"Huh?" He groaned, trying to take in his surroundings. He almost forgot where he was until he remembered how sick Kendall was and that he had to take him to the hospital. James blinked and looked up to see Logan staring at him worriedly, a strong hand clasped on his shoulder. Carlos stood slightly behind him, clutching Helmet to his chest. "Is Kendall ok?"

"I don't know, we just got here a couple seconds ago," Logan said, taking a seat beside James but not removing his comforting hand when James' quivering shoulder. "Are you alright man?"

"Yeah, I just dozed off for a minute there, or tried to anyway." James glanced up at the clock and saw it had only been 12 minutes since the last time he checked it. Logan frowned sympathetically and rubbed James' shoulder blade.

"Hand me those forms and I'll fill them out for you," Logan said, reaching out for the clipboard.

"Huh? Oh, sure," James said. He handed Logan the papers and the smart boy got to work on Kendall's medical history and their insurance information. When he was finished, he handed it back to the nurse and about ten minutes later, they found themselves walking down the hall to the room Kendall was resting in. The doctor had explained to them that Kendall had suffered from bronchial spasms due to a combination of his hurt ribs and a really bad case of bronchitis, but he was alright now that he had taken a breathing treatment, steroid shot, and some antibiotics.

James hated how pale Kendall appeared when he entered the stark white room. He seemed to blend in with the white sheets just fine, except for his skin was just a tad more grayish than the bed. The poor kid was _still_ coughing, although it was nowhere near as violent as before. His eyes were dull and gray but they lit up a bit when he saw his friends standing in the doorway nervously. He tried to smile and beckoned them in with his fingers.

"Kendall, what happened?" Carlos asked. He was the first to speak and the most clueless as to what was going on.

"Got sick," Kendall rasped out. His throat was ravaged from all of the coughing he had done earlier. He sounded horrible. "I'm good though."

"No you're not, don't say that," James said softly. Guilt was heavy in his voice and Kendall sighed.

"They have me on like a ton of medication, I'm fine," Kendall said, but he really did not feel well at all. "Can we go home now?"

"No, we need to stay about an hour, the doc wants to make sure your fever goes down," Logan said. "Just rest, ok? You don't look so good. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?"

Kendall was too weak to roll his eyes at the "20 questions," but he wanted to. "My chest does, and my ribs. But it's kind of like a dull, fading pain because they gave me pain medicine."

"Can you breathe ok? That's what's important," Logan said.

"Yeah, I can breathe now," Kendall said. "It was scary though because- whoa, James!" The blonde suddenly cut off, watching the tall brunette waver on his feet. It was obvious he was about to faint any second. "Carlos, catch him!" The blonde shouted quickly, reaching forward out of instinct, which only made him scream because a pain shot up through his abused ribs. Carlos, luckily, turned around just in time to catch James from face planting right on the tile floor.

"James, are you ok?" Carlos cried, struggling to hold James' dead weight in his arms. Logan helped the little Latino drag the larger boy to an empty chair and sat him down gently, anxious to find out what was happening to his friend. James' eyes were half closed and he was hardly conscious, but he seemed to be holding on the best he could.

Logan knelt in front of him and patted his cheek to wake him up fully. James moaned and blinked. The lights suddenly seemed way too bright. "James, hey wake up bro. It's Logan. Are you ok?"

"Mmhmm," James grumbled. He sat up straight, feeling groggy like he had just woken up.

"What happened, James?" Logan asked. He curled his knuckles and swiped away a long strand of auburn hair from James' face. "You look pale. Why didn't you tell me you feel sick?"

"I'm not sick, I just…" James trailed off. He wasn't really sure what had happened exactly, but it was unnerving. He basically just felt overall exhausted.

"Hmm, no fever," Logan announced, feeling James' forehead, which was cool to the touch. "Are you sure you're ok? Any headache, nausea?"

"I'm fine Logan," James said tiredly. How many nagging questions would he be forced to answer? He looked over to the hospital bed, trying to ignore Logan's examination, to find Kendall hunched over and silently crying.

"Kendall? Kendall, are you alright?" James asked with contrition. He ran to Kendall's side and the blonde nodded, putting his hand up.

"Yeah, it's just my ribs don't worry," Kendall assured him. It hurt, but the pain was fading as quickly as it came.

"Hey James, I'll stay with Kendall and take him home when he's ready," Logan said. "Go home with Carlitos, ok?"

James shook his head, agitated at the thought of leaving Kendall. "No, that's ok. I'll stay with Kendall. You can take 'Litos home and get him in bed if you want to."

"It's not Carlos' rest I'm worried about," Logan said. "It's yours. I want Carlos to take you home now. You aren't looking so good."

James' eyes flitted from Kendall to Logan, back and forth. Logan was serious, dead serious. But Kendall looked so sick. He had to stay with him. It was his fault he was in the hospital in the first place, he couldn't just leave him.

"Logan," James started. "I-"

"James, go home," Logan said firmly. "You nearly fainted, you're obviously ill... Let Carlos take you home, ok?"

"Yeah buddy, I'll tuck you in and everything," Carlos offered sweetly.

"You had a stressful night," Logan said. "I'll take care of Kendall. I promise he'll be fine."

James nodded, even though his lips pulled down into a pout. He leaned forward and gave Kendall a quick hug. Carlos put his arm around James' shoulders and led him down the hall and out to the parking lot. The cold, brisk air rudely whipped James in the face. It was unusually cold for LA, and they hurried to the warmth of their car.

The ride home was silent. Carlos kept glancing over to James, checking to make sure he was ok every couple minutes. James was having a hard time staying awake. His eyes kept drooping closed, and the fact that Carlos had the heat on kind of high wasn't helping his sleepiness any. Finally James clicked off the heater and rolled his window down all the way to help keep him awake.

"Dude it's cold," Carlos whined, but James welcomed the cold air stinging his eyes.

"It feels good, I'm hot," James lied, giving Carlos his famous puppy dog eyes, the same one that got him meatball subs and cute girls time after time. Carlos sighed.

"Fine, keep it down," Carlos said, defeated. A few minutes of awkward glances and silence went by. "Hey James?"

"Mmm?" James mumbled, lost in thought as he stared out the window.

"Did you get any sleep at all tonight?" Carlos asked. James turned to face Carlos and winced under his scrutinizing glare. He hated how worried Carlos looked. James looked down and bit his lip thoughtfully.

"Yeah, a couple hours, why?" James asked. Carlos just looked at James, his stomach twisting in a mixture of anger and concern. He knew James was lying, he knew it in his gut.

"I just hate it when you lie to me is all," Carlos said calmly. He parked the car in the parking garage while James stared at him, mouth agape in muddlement at Carlos' unexpected, sharp words.

"Carlos," James said when he finally found his voice, but Carlos was already out of the car and making his way to the lobby. James ran after him, unsure what to say. He was caught, and there was not much he could do about it. "Carlos wait, what makes you think I'm lying to you?"

"What makes you think I can't tell?" Carlos shot back, walking briskly up to 2J. James wordlessly followed Carlos into their apartment, and Carlos headed to their bedroom and pulled back the covers of James' un-slept in bed.

"Carlos-"

"Lie down," Carlos said, patting the bed. James huffed, took off his shoes, and did as Carlos told him too.

"What are you doing, 'Litos?" James asked, perplexed.

"Tucking you in, like I promised I would," Carlos told him. He brought the covers up to James' shoulders, and the tall boy caught the sadness glinting in the Latino's sweet mocha eyes. James felt guilty. Since when did James ever allow himself to lie to Carlos? Sure, he admitted to lying to him about the girl at camp but that was when they were little and it was stupid. He never lied to Carlos about important things, and Carlos never hid the truth about anything. The Latino was the most honest boy James knew.

Carlos finished making sure James was comfy and strode over to his bed, where he laid down in exhaustion, too tired to even kick off his shoes. Carlos didn't function well when he was woken up in the middle of the night. James was surprised he even stayed awake this long.

"Carlos?" James asked. He felt bad to disturb the young boy, but he was worried about something.

"Yes?" Carlos asked, rolling over so he could see James.

"You… Um, you aren't going to tell Kendall or Logan, are you?" James asked, and he cringed when he realized how horrible that sounded. How could he expect innocent Carlos to lie for him? He knew exactly what his small friend was thinking at that moment, he could see it in his dark eyes. He was taken aback that James would actually allow him to bear that kind of weight on his shoulders. But Carlos simply shook his head.

"No, that's your responsibility," Carlos said simply. "I'm going to sleep now. I hope you do, too." With that, Carlos clicked off his bedside lamp and fell into silence, which soon turned to slow, soft snores.

James laid awake, tears threatening to flow from his eyes down to his pillow. He let them go quietly, knowing Carlos was already dead asleep and wouldn't notice. He had thought Carlos would be easiest to fool, that Carlos would believe that he was ok because James was Carlos' big brother and he always trusted everything he told him. But now Carlos was the one to hide James' self-destructing secret.

"I'm sorry Carlitos," James whispered over to his sleeping brother who he prayed was still his best friend.

**A/N Thanks for reading. Hope the long chapter made up for the delay. Happy New Year! Be safe.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Thanks for the reads and reviews! Why do 98 percent of men in Tulsa remind me of Jett Stenson? It's gross. **

**Pretty much, Twisted Illusions has helped me with every chapter here on out. She comes up with ideas, she talks with me while we're at work or in the middle of the night about what's to happen… It's amazing. Her support is amazing. So give her some love! Thanks Courtney! **

James tensed underneath his blankets when he heard a dull thud in the apartment. He had been lying sleepless for nearly 2 hours, and paranoid images ran through his tired mind at why there would be noises so late at night, or rather so early in the morning.

James slowly rose to his feet, his heart thudding in his ears. His head spun when he stood up, but he ignored it and grabbed blindly for a weapon in the darkness near his bedside. He grabbed the first thing his hand clasped around and quietly crept out of the peaceful bedroom, ready to attack whatever intruder found its way inside of his beloved apartment.

He heard a shuffling movement in the living room and he tiptoed into the large room, armed with his weapon. He raised it menacingly and searched the pitch-black room until he saw 2 dark figures near the door.

"Get out of my house!" James screeched, running at the 2 men in hopes of scaring them away.

Logan yelped in confusion and surprise and turned on the foyer lights just in time to see a wild-looking James coming right towards him and Kendall with a rainbow-haired troll doll raised above his head, its brightly-colored triangle-shaped hair pointed right towards them as if it were a knife.

"Dude!" Logan cried, putting his hands up to his face to shield himself from the oncoming impact out of instinct. He squinted at James' weapon, its pudgy, wrinkly features and beady eyes staring at him tauntingly. "Is that a troll doll?"

"Huh?" James asked, lowering his "weapon." "It's just you guys!"

"Of course! Who else would it be?" Logan asked, exasperated. He seemed to be struggling under the weight of Kendall, who was looking ill and leaned against him tiredly.

"I dunno, a robber?" James mumbled. He dropped his embarrassment of a weapon to the floor and felt his cheeks flush red-hot.

Logan eyed James warily, questioning if James was alright with his eyes. The tall boy ignored it and went towards Kendall to help him to the couch.

"You're losing it bro," Kendall said, leaning into the soft orange cushions with relief. His ribs were screaming at him to quit moving.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," James grumbled. He sat next to Kendall and felt his forehead with the back of his hand. "You're still so warm. Are you doing ok?"

Kendall grunted in reply, and James whipped his head towards Logan for a proper answer.

"He's on a lot of medication right now," Logan explained. "But he should be fine now, just really sick. But his breathing shouldn't act up again or anything. He just needs bed rest and medicine and lots of _babying."_ Logan put a taunting emphasis on Kendall's least favorite word, making him mumble an obscenity that they couldn't understand.

James nodded. "I can do that. What does he need now?"

"Sleep," Logan said. "We all do. Get your butt to bed James, I got it from here."

"I'm not tired," James said through clenched teeth. He didn't take his eyes off of Kendall as he stroked his blonde hair off of his sweating forehead. The blonde had already fallen asleep due to the strong pain medication that he was on.

"James…" Logan started.

"I'm going to stay with Kendall just a little while longer. Please?" James voice went from bitter to pleading in one sentence. Logan sighed, too tired to argue.

"Ok, make sure he drinks something and get him in bed," Logan said. "Oh, how's Carlos doing?"

James shrugged. "I guess he's ok."

"You _guess?"_ Logan asked. "Well did he take tonight hard? Is he upset?"

"I don't know, he's asleep, ask him yourself when he wakes up," James said snippily.

Logan studied James for a moment, taken aback. He wanted to snap back at him or at the very least call him out for being rude, but something inside of him made him bite his tongue. He would deal with his mood swings tomorrow.

"Whatever, good night," Logan said dejectedly. James watched sadly as the smaller boy stomped to his room. He hated it when he snapped at one of the younger boys. It was different with Kendall, they got into small arguments here and there but they always understood each other's anger problems and would forgive and forget immediately after they blew out the steam that they were notorious for holding in. But as for Carlos and Logan, it was more or less a rule that you don't yell at them.

James pondered following Logan into his room to apologize, but right as he was about to do so, Kendall let out an anguished moan in his sleep, stopping James in his tracks. He fussed over Kendall in a way that would make the blonde extremely agitated, but since he was half asleep and feeling incredibly sick, he let James stroke his hair and coo to him as if he were a child.

"It's ok Kendall, I'm right here," James whispered.

"I'm cold," Kendall whispered, reaching around for a blanket. James grabbed one from off the back of the couch and laid it over Kendall's tormented body. He then made some hot tea in the kitchen and poured it into a thermos so it would be easier for Kendall to drink.

"Hey man, this will make you feel better," James said, handing the thermos over to the shivering boy. Kendall grasped it gratefully with feeble, shaky fingers and took a sip.

"Ahhh!" He cried out when the hot liquid scorched his tongue. He threw the thermos down and whimpered, causing James to jump in alarm.

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"It's hot," Kendall said when his tongue had cooled off a bit. With a grunt of pain, he leaned forward and grabbed the thermos, this time blowing on it to cool it off before taking another sip.

"Kendall I'm so sorry," James whined, face-palming because he was so frustrated with his actions. _Of course_ the tea would be hot, and he didn't even warn Kendall or cool it down!

"I can't stop screwing up," he muttered, figuring Kendall wouldn't hear that, but he did.

Kendall stared at James, confused. He almost didn't say anything as he was too sick and tired to talk at the moment, but curiosity got the better of him. "Dude, what's the matter?"

James sighed and sat down. "Nothing, just go back to sleep ok?"

"Not 'til you tell me why you are all 'Oh, lo and behold, poor pitiful me' all of a sudden," Kendall said, trying to keep his voice light even though exhaustion was creeping around the edges. When James didn't say anything and just stared at the carpet, Kendall chuckled and patted his back.

"Dude, it was just hot tea. I didn't even think to blow on it first. I'm fine, no big deal."

"Right, it's just tea," James said, but it was more than just the tea. He was messing up everything lately. All starting with the stupid idea that those idiots wanted to be his friend's, his incompetence had been literally ruining his best friend's lives. Now Kendall was sick, Logan was annoyed, and Carlos was upset, not to mention they were all exhausted.

"Good, now go to sleep," Kendall mumbled, too tired to hear the mystery in James' voice. If Kendall hadn't been under the influence of way too much pain medication, he would have heard that James was most definitely hiding something.

James tucked Kendall into the couch and sat beside him. He felt strangely comfortable on the large, soft couch with his best friend. His eyes lulled shut a couple of times, but he would catch it quickly. Finally, he took out his laptop and started playing some annoying, repetitive video game that Carlos liked to play. As soon as he thought of Carlos, James' mind went straight to the Latino. He felt really bad for what had happened just a few hours earlier. He knew he was being unfair and immature. He had to deal this on his own, not bring poor Carlos into the middle.

About an hour passed and James felt as if he was in some sort of a weird trance caused by Kendall's steady snoring and the flashing lights on the screen. It was like he was in a daze, almost asleep yet still awake, and he had to force himself out of it, blinking several times and rubbing his grainy-feeling eyes.

James looked over at the clock and saw it was 4:15 AM. Just a few more hours and the boys would all be up. He reached over and felt Kendall's forehead, relieved to find that though he was still warm, he wasn't burning up anymore. Maybe something was going right, James thought with a sigh. The antibiotics and fever medicine were obviously already doing their jobs. All he wanted was for Kendall's pain to go away. It literally, physically hurt him to see the blonde suffering so much.

"Please get better," James whispered, stroking the bangs off of Kendall's forehead. The brunette laid his head, feeling very tired. He wondered how exactly he would last until morning. It was easier in the morning, because so much was going on with the boys that it kept him awake and alert. But when it was this dark and quiet, it was impossible not to fall asleep. Finally, James felt his eyelids shut for a final time and his mind became distanced. He fought for control but he had none over his own body and mind, he didn't have a choice but to succumb to the darkness.

James was barely fully asleep when the dream started. This time it was different, he wasn't in the coffin. It was his friends who lay in the caskets this time. Kendall, Logan and Carlos were trapped in 3 separate coffins, only they were glass instead of wooden. They were screaming and fighting to get out, but their motions and frantic cries for help were silent, although James could clearly tell they were saying "James!" over and over again. They were calling for him, they knew he was there watching them die, but he could nothing about it as he seemed frozen to the spot. The look of terror and panic etched into their faces as the pounded on the lids had James at desperation's edge. The urge to vomit was intense. He fought against whatever was holding him back, but it wouldn't budge.

And suddenly, he was in his coffin again, the one he seemed to be familiarized with by now. It smelled the same, of rotting wood and blood from his own fingers. The same smell that he had left it in so many weeks ago. It looked the same, felt the same. He had this dream every night for the past month. Yet each night, it was only more terrifying than the last. But usually, he was met with utter silence in his coffin. This time, he could hear the pounding and screaming of his friends calling for him to help them. It was deafening in his ears, almost to the point of painful. He could also hear low, strangled cries as the horrifying claustrophobic feeling washed over him, and he realized that he was the one making the pitiful noises. His cries woke him up, and he coughed to clear his throat, which was scratching from yelling in fear like that.

James' body was shaking violently. His heart was pounding. The nausea he felt in his dream still lingered around and he swallowed thickly, praying that the feeling would past. He was abashed and confused, wondering where he was for a moment before he recollected that he was on the couch with Kendall.

"Oh no," James whispered, glancing over to Kendall to make sure the sick boy hadn't heard his loud fit of terror. Thankfully, his pain medicine still had him snoring. James sighed. That would have been messy had he heard the dream. His relief was short lived, however, when he looked up to see Carlos, who was standing near the kitchen, juice box in hand and fear and betrayal clouding his dark, innocent eyes.

"You said you weren't having the dreams anymore," Carlos whimpered. James was still too frightened from his dream and too groggy to form an answer for the young boy. Carlos threw his juice box onto the floor, where red liquid exploded onto the linoleum, and he ran back to his bed in a fit of heartbreaking cries.

James let out a single sob and put his suddenly pounding head in his hands. Soft crying was heard from Carlos' bedroom. Each tiny sob was like a dagger to James' heart. He couldn't take it anymore. He was still feeling nauseous and a bit claustrophobic from his dream. Even his heart was still pounding.

James stumbled to his feet and dizzily made his way to the balcony, where cool air greeted his flushed face. He made his way to the railing over-looking the pool deck and stared at the blue, wavering water below. His stomach lurched painfully and he doubled over the railing, letting everything he had eaten that day rise back up so it could pour out of him like a volcano into Mr. Bitter's plants.

James clutched the railing and panted miserably, wishing Logan was out here with him. He needed comfort. The shocked brunette had to bite back cries for help when his stomach lurched again. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable vomit to come up. Tears leaked from his eyes as he threw up again, only this time not quite so violently. When he was sure he was finished, James slumped to concrete balcony with his long, shaky legs curled up under him. The dream was worse than any others he ever had and left him deeply disturbed. Never before had a night terror come up with his friends involved, and it was literally sickening. He could still hear their panicked voices, growing weaker and weaker with the lack of oxygen. He knew that the images would haunt him for a very long time.

"I want my mom," James suddenly whimpered aloud. His own voice startled him, but when he realized that they were true, he curled into a ball and started sobbing, leaving pools of tears on the concrete. He wanted his mom, no- he _needed _his mom as if he were an infant again. He needed her to rock him and hold him and love on him, he needed to hear her words whispering over and over again that he would be alright and that she would protect him. Only then, when he was safe in her arms, would he feel peace again.

**A/N Awe I made myself sad with that. So what did you all think? Please tell me in a review if you liked it or not! I have some pretty intense and angsty things planned for this so stay tuned. Love you all. And once again, thanks Courtney!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Ahhh I have a dilemma! Idk what to do! Here's the stitch: So, there's this really amazing dance program at the University of Central Oklahoma that I have been just dying to go to and I FINALLY GET TO GO THIS YEAR! AND there is a really cool camp in Kansas that I have been on the waiting list for 2 years to work at with my best friend and I FINALLY GET TO GO. And this morning, I find out that they are both the same exact week in June. WTF is wrong with my luck? HOW DO I CHOOSE JUST ONE? *slams face on the counter and sobs***

**Anywho thanks for all the reviews and reads, now let's get this show on the road shall we!**

"James… _James!"_ Logan shook James' shoulder roughly, but the brunette was in a deep sleep, despite the fact that he was shivering violently. He looked like he had been crying, judging by his red and swollen tear-streaked face. His arms were wrapped around his torso protectively and his pink lips were twisted into a distraught frown.

"James, what's wrong?" Logan yelled nervously, hoping that his loud voice would awaken the unconscious boy. He was at wits end. He had no idea what was wrong with his friend and why he wouldn't wake up.

Deciding it was way too cold outside to allow James to sleep outside any longer, Logan shoved his hands underneath James arms and heaved upwards with all of his strength. He struggled to lift the tall boy up, his muscles quivering with the strain, but he just couldn't hoist him into his arms. He needed help.

Logan ran inside the apartment to Carlos' room. The little Latino was cocooned up in his comforter, but Logan wasted no time in unraveling him and forcing him awake.

"Lo-Gan!" Carlos whined with a pout, squeezing his eyes shut and grasping blindly for his discarded covers.

"Carlos wake up, I need your help. I think something might be wrong with James," Logan said breathlessly.

Carlos' eyes shot open and he sat up, concern etched upon his sleepy features. "What happened?"

"Follow me, I need help bringing him inside I can't do it by myself."

"Well where is he?" Carlos asked.

"Just follow me," Logan said, taking Carlos by the wrist and dragging him out to the balcony.

"What happened to him? He looks terrible!" Carlos cried out, catching sight of the curled up, miserable ball that was James lying on the cold concrete balcony.

"I don't know. But you get his legs and I'll get his arms," Logan instructed. Together, the 2 small boys were able to easily lift James and get him to the safe, comfortable couch.

"He doesn't seem physically injured in any way," Logan said, brushing auburn strands of hair out of James' eyes. "And he's not running a fever. He looks like he had a rough night, though." Logan put his forehead in his hands and rubbed his temples with his fingertips, feeling a headache forming. "I just wish I knew how to help him."

Carlos bit his lip as he covered James' sleeping body with a warm blanket. "I don't think he wants help, Logie," The young boy said, ignoring the questioning look he got from his friend. "Is it ok if I go back to sleep? It's only 6 AM and I'm sleepy."

"Of course it's ok, 'Litos. Thanks for your help buddy," Logan said. Carlos nodded and quickly scurried to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Logan sighed and tried to figure out what Carlos' comment had meant, by James not wanting any help. He wondered if Carlos was aware of something he wasn't.

James' body suddenly tensed beside Logan as he let out a small whimper. Logan put his hand on James' back and rubbed gently.

"Jamie, what's wrong buddy?"

James sat up with a start, gasping for air from another nightmare. His stomach rolled uncomfortably and he squeezed his lips together, praying the sick feeling would pass. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Logan staring at him with concern. James prepared himself for an onslaught of questions from his smaller friend, but instead he felt a warm, comforting hand rest on his cheek.

"Are you alright, James?"

James coughed and brought his blanket around him tighter. "Yeah, just cold," he said. "Freezing, actually."

"Well it's no wonder, you fell asleep on the balcony last night dude. What's up with that?"

James shrugged and fidgeted with his blanket. He hated lying to his friends, loathed it, really. It felt weird and unnatural and wrong. If there was anybody he could tell anything too, it would be Logan, and Kendall and Carlos too. They promised each other they would always swear to tell the truth after a peewee hockey game in 4th grade, when Logan was too scared to tell James that he accidently broke his hockey stick. But that was back when they dealt with silly, miniscule grade school problems. This was not just about a broken hockey stick that their parents could easily replace.

"James?" Logan prompted. "Why did you sleep on the balcony?"

"I just went out to get some air and fell asleep ok?" James said, looking over to where Kendall lay on the opposite end of the couch. "Kendall had a rough night and I was up taking care of him until like 4 AM."

"Well why don't you get some sleep than? I'll take over taking care of Kendall."

James shook his head, strands of hair flinging around wildly. "No, no, that's ok. I'll make some breakfast. Want some eggs?" James didn't even wait for Logan to answer and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for his friends. He found that cooking kept his mind off of things, kept him awake.

When James was in the middle of scrambling the eggs, Logan's cell rang. James paid no attention to it until Logan's voice said,

"Oh hey Gustavo how are you?"

James ran into the living room, eyes wide. "_It's Gustavo?" _He mouthed. The pale boy nodded and held his hand up to shush James.

"…Um, no I think we need at least one more day off," Logan said, reaching over to feel Kendall's forehead. "Kendall is still running a bit of a fever and James isn't doing so well at the moment."

"LET ME TALK TO HIM!" James suddenly shouted, trying to pull the phone out of Logan's hands. He was dying to go to rehearsal. Ever since he was little, singing and dancing set him in a whole other world, away from all his pain and distractions. He wanted to be in that world right now. He needed to be in the studio.

"James, what are you _doing?"_ Logan whined, squirming out of the taller boys grasp. James snatched the phone away and held it to his own ear. Logan "humphed" and sat on the couch with his arms crossed in a pout.

"Hey Gustavo, it's me, James. Do you need us to go to the studio today?" James asked hopefully.

"No, Kelly forbade me to let you dogs work until Kendall was completely healed. You're lucky we don't have anything pressing to get done at the moment," Gustavo said, though he didn't sound very annoyed. He was kind of enjoying his time away from the loud, grumpy teenagers. "But there's a CD release party tonight in downtown LA at a nightclub for 'Lil Crank-Crank' and Big Time Rush was invited. It's good publicity and whoever is healthy needs to go."

"Ooh a party?" James said. He raised his eyebrows and looked up at Logan, who stared at him questioningly.

"What party?" The smaller boy asked.

"Gustavo wants us to go to a CD release party can we go please, can we Logie please?" James jutted out his lower lip and pleaded. Logan rolled his eyes and grabbed the phone back.

"Gustavo, it's Logan again. Do we really have to go to this party-"

"Yes we do!" James said. "Logan, I haven't partied in weeks! And remember, if I don't party, I might die!"

Logan wrinkled his nose. "What? You're not gonna die-"

"Maybe flirting with cute celebrity girls will make me feel better!" James said quickly. "Please, Logie? I'm dying holed up in the apartment all the time."

Logan sighed. He wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, but James was looking kind of desperate the way he was now on his knees with his hands folded and eyes wide with hope.

"Fine, put James and Carlos on the guest list, Gustavo. I need to stay with Kendall." Logan hung up and turned to James, who was saying "thank you, thank you, thank you" over and over again while hopping up and down.

"Don't get too happy yet," Logan said, even though he himself was happy to see that, despite his bad night, James was still his hyper, party-obsessed self. "I'm not letting you go to that party unless you go to bed and rest and for a few hours. You look exhausted."

"But I'm fine," James said. Logan frowned and ran his thumb along the dark circles beneath James' hazel eyes.

"I can tell you haven't been getting much sleep. You need to try, James. You look so tired all the time. It's hard to see you like that. You'll feel so much better if you go lie down for a bit."

James sighed, slumping his shoulders with defeat. Logan was so persuasive. He couldn't tell little Logie "no" when he was only worried for his friend.

"I'll finish breakfast and watch over Kendall. Get some sleep," Logan said gently, and only compassion could be heard in his voice. James couldn't deny that.

"Ok," James finally agreed. He headed to his room, which was quiet and dim and warm. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, than slithered down underneath his comforter. It did feel nice to lie down in his bed and rest his aching, exhausted muscles. He let out a contented sigh, pushing away memories of the other night from his mind. He was completely aware that he had basically had some kind of mental breakdown just a few hours ago, and he didn't want to remember the details.

After a few minutes, James realized it was awfully quiet in his room, too quiet. Carlos always snored. _Always._

"Carlos, you awake?" James asked, peering over his blankets to the bundle on the bed across from his.

The lump on Carlos bed rustled a bit, but didn't speak.

"Carlitos I know you're awake, you can't fool me," James teased. Too his surprise, Carlos did not speak a word. James frowned, a bit offended, and walked over to Carlos'. He sat down next to the lump and reached his hand under his comforter. His fingers met Carlos' bare foot and started tickling, making the Latino giggle and kick.

"Ha! I knew you were awake," James said.

"No, I'm not!" Carlos said, curling his legs in so James couldn't reach his feet. James could hear the dejection in his voice.

"Carlos, are you alright?"

"…"

"Come on, 'Litos. Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Do you really need to ask me that?" Carlos asked acidly. James blinked, not used to hearing Carlos sound so… Mad.

James put his hand on his younger friend's back and rubbed gentle circles, something Carlos always loved. But this time, the Latino wormed away from his touch and turned on his side. James retracted his hand sadly.

"Gustavo is making us go to a party tonight," James said, not giving up. Carlos was pretty easy to break, most of the time anyway. He just wasn't the type to stay mad forever. "It'll be just the 2 of us, like the old days. The Super Hollywood Party Kings of Hollywood."

Carlos was stubborn this time. He didn't even look at James, let alone speak. He simply ignored James, which only made the brunette feel even worse. The silent treatment was making him a little angry.

"Come on Carlos, say something," James pleaded. He just needed to hear his best friend say that it was ok, that he forgave him. Carlos was everything to him, and now he felt like a disappointment to the kid who he considered a younger brother.

"Please don't be mad at me Carlos," James said in a small voice. He hoped his friend could hear the desperation in his voice, but apparently he didn't, because instead of turning around and giving him a huge bear hug like James was hoping for, he rolled out of bed and wordlessly left the room for the kitchen to eat breakfast.

Stunned, James blinked back a tear and buried his face in Carlos' pillow, and he wondered if it was possible for him to feel any lower than he did at that moment.

**A/N Oh no, will Carlos and James ever be friends again, or is their fight only going to get worse? Sorry if this seemed like a filler chapter, but it's all leading up to the party, because of course, I can't just let the boys go have a fun, enjoyable night. **_**Something**_** bad has gotta happen, right? ;)**

**Please review! Reviews make me want to post the next chapter quicker, and the party scene will be worth it!**


	11. temptation

**A/N Thanks for all of the reviews and reads! Follow me on twitter Channy_Girl20 if I get enough followers from FF, I am going to open up another twitter account especially for you all! I will post updates and answer any questions and you guys can contact me about my stories or whatever else. But I want to make sure I have some followers before I open it up!**

**Oh and I don't own any brands of alcohol that may come up in this, or Sprite, or Mountain Dew. But I do own Lil' Crank-Crank. Holla!**

"You're awfully quiet," Logan noted, leaning forward to study Carlos, who sat on the floor at Logan's feet.

"Hmm?" Carlos asked distractedly. His small legs were tucked up to his chest, chin resting on his knees and honey brown eyes fixated on the flashing movements of the TV screen.

"I thought you'd be all excited to go to a party tonight with James."

Carlos shook his head, causing his helmet to shift lopsided. The Latino adjusted his beloved hunk of plastic and continued to watch the Spongebob Movie. "I don't want to go, Logan. I don't feel good. I think Kendall gave me something." Carlos nodded to his blonde friend, who had been sleeping peacefully all day and was showing signs of becoming well again.

Logan arched an eyebrow in concern and slid to the floor beside his smaller friend to get a better look at him. His tan cheeks were ruddy and his huge eyes were damp. Logan knew right away that he was not sick, but upset.

"Carlos you're not sick," Logan said gently. Carlos pouted and grabbed Logan's wrist, flopping his hand against his forehead.

"Yes I am. I'm warm, see? Feel," Carlos insisted. Logan rolled his eyes and pressed his knuckles to Carlos' cool forehead.

"You don't have a fever, Carlitos. What's going on? Are you and James fighting or something?"

Carlos released Logan's wrist and sighed, wrapping his arms around his sweatpants clad legs. Logan frowned and placed his hand on Carlos' back.

"James is getting better, buddy. He's just having some problems right now. He'll be ok. I bet once he's sure that Kendall is completely better, he'll be back to himself. His nightmares are going away and everything. Stuff like this, people just need to grow out of at their own pace, and that's what James is doing."

Carlos played absent-mindedly at his toes as he considered Logan's words. To him, it didn't seem as if James was growing out of his fear. It was only getting worse. He was watching his best friend crumble. And he had no idea how far James' self-destruction would go.

"Go to the party, have some fun," Logan said. "You guys need it. Maybe some social interaction is what James needs. Just keep an eye on him, ok Carlos? Don't let him out of his sight."

Carlos looked up at Logan. That was something he had never heard before. Usually _he _was the one being watched over. _He_ was the little brother. He'd never been in charge of being the protector before. He suddenly felt a bit nervous about the party. He had a bad feeling in his gut. He would feel much better if Kendall could come with him, but the blonde was still in pain from his ribs and running a fever. There was no way he'd be capable of even standing up on his own, let alone go to a crazy Hollywood party.

"Ok, I'll watch him," Carlos said with false confidence. Logan smiled and nodded, giving Carlos' cheek a pat.

"That's my boy, 'Los."

Carlos gave a tiny smile and curled into a ball, trying to shake the unsettling feeling that was beginning to curdle in his stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~

James emerged from his bedroom after a couple hours of restlessly tossing and turning in his bed. Despite how heavy his eyes were, how boggled his mind was, and how exhausted and achy he felt, he just could not fall asleep. Kendall was constantly on his mind. Every time he would hear a weak cough or whimper from the living room his entire body would tense, and he had to fight the urge to jump out of bed and run to Kendall's side to make sure he was alright.

It's not like he hadn't tried to sleep. He wanted to, really. He wanted to become oblivious to the stress and fear that was plaguing his life recently. He wanted to be temporarily lost in blissful darkness, but that luxury would not come to him. And every time he would start to drift off, he would feel a nightmare coming on and he'd jolt himself awake before he fully fell asleep. It was an annoying, frustrating process, and he finally gave up on a nap. It was useless and only making him even more tired and upset.

"James, you're awake," Logan said as his tall friend shuffled into the room, going straight to Kendall's side. James made a sound of acknowledgement and kneeled beside Kendall's sleeping form.

"He's doing fine, James," Logan assured the worried boy. "His fever is down to one hundred degrees. The antibiotics are doing their job."

"Does he still hurt?" James asked, pressing his palm to Kendall's forehead gently. Logan nodded sadly.

"Yeah, but I just had him take some more pain medicine a couple hours ago so he's alright. He's pretty much just been sleeping all day. He'll be ok, James. You know that right?" Logan's chocolate eyes searched for James' tired hazel ones. He studied the taller boy, assessing his current state. James appeared extremely sleep deprived, just like he had the night that he fainted in the hospital. There was no improvement. If anything, he looked worse. The bags under his eyes were painfully noticeable, and he lacked his usual rosy blush across his high cheekbones.

"Are you ok bro?" Logan couldn't help but ask, placing his hand on James' arm. But to his surprise, the younger boy shook off the comforting gesture.

"I'm fine. The nap helped," James said, averting his eyes to Kendall's body. He soothingly stroked Kendall's golden hair away from his eyes. Logan scowled, but didn't press him for the truth.

"Ok," Logan said simply. "Can I make you something to eat though?"

James shook his head forcefully, as if the thought of food made was sickening. "No Logie, you don't have to."

"There are still leftovers from breakfast," Logan said quickly. Once again, he placed his hand on James' arm, but this time his grip was a bit tighter, more pleading. "Let me get you some food."

James was about to shove Logan's hand away, a bit annoyed, but when he saw the worry glinting in Logan's innocent eyes he relaxed and patted his small fingers instead. "Ok, I'll eat some breakfast."

Logan sighed with relief when James agreed. Eating was a good sign. The smart boy hurried to the kitchen to heat up a few pancakes and a jug of syrup in the microwave.

"Are you still not talking to me?" James asked when he and Carlos were alone.

"Nope," Carlos squeaked, forcing a blank stare to stay on his cherubic features.

"You know that answer can be taken 2 ways," James said. "And by the way, you just talked to me."

Carlos let out a frustrated whine and stomped to his room. James winced, though he was a bit amused. He always found the little boy kind of funny when he was mad. He just hated the fact that he was the reason why the usually happy-go-lucky kid was so upset.

"Your pancakes are ready," Logan announced from the kitchen.

"_Oh goodie,"_ James thought to himself, placing a hand on his gurgling tummy. He was too sleep-deprived to be able to eat much at all, but he made his way to the kitchen and slowly chewed a few bites of pancakes for Logan's sake. He ate as much as his unhappy, exhausted stomach would allow and quietly scraped the remaining pancakes into the trash can when Logan was too busy doing dishes and humming to himself to notice.

"Do you want some help?" James asked, taking a plate from Logan's hands to dry the painted porcelain.

"Uh, sure," Logan said. He smiled gratefully and picked up a different wet plate to dry. James started humming the song Logan had been singing and they quietly did the dishes together. Logan wanted to ask if James was certain he was alright, but he didn't want to make him annoyed and ruin the moment, so he decided to hum along with his best friend and savor the sudden, but welcome, change in behavior.

"I'm going to go get ready for the party tonight," James announced after the final dish was dry.

"Ok," Logan said, a little bewildered by the enthusiasm in James' voice but otherwise fooled by his false grin. He had this burning hope inside of him that maybe James truly was getting better.

James disappeared into the bathroom for hours, showering and doing his hair and picking out the perfect clothes to wear. By the time he emerged it was nearly time to leave. Carlos had changed out of his cartoon pajamas and was now dressed in a long sleeve red shirt and black jeans.

"Hey you ready Carlitos?" James asked, spraying one last shot of cuda on his perfect hair. Carlos pouted and said nothing, but James ignored it. He approached Kendall, who was half awake and curled underneath a pile of blankets, watching television. He mussed his hair and gave him a small smile.

"Are you feeling alright buddy?" James asked. Kendall groaned.

"The next person who asks me that gets a hockey puck in the groin," The agitated blonde remarked. "I'm fine."

James put his hands up in mock defense, but he knew the joking words were a sign that Kendall was in fact feeling much better. "I'll see ya tonight, Kendall. Logie, take good care of him."

"As always!" Logan said, not bothering to look up from the medical novel he was engrossed in.

"Well have fun tonight, looks like you have some crazy company," James joked. Logan scowled and threw a small square pillow at his face.

"Hey you messed up my bangs," James whined. He set the strands of hair back in place and grabbed his car keys. "Come on, 'Los!" He headed out to the car and Carlos, who was the only one _not_ in a somewhat good mood, sulked and followed behind him.

"Why do we even have to go to this party?" Carlos asked halfway there. "We don't even know who Lil Crank-Crank is and he doesn't know us."

"So? It's been weeks since we partied, Carlos. It's been since… Well…" James trailed off, refusing to let the memories seep into his mind. "It'll be fun, 'Los. We can hang out with each other. It's been a while. I miss you."

Carlos scoffed and pressed his face against the cold passenger window, squishing his chubby facial features. "I don't see why you have to pretend everything's ok when it's not. Don't you think it's kind of mean? Kendall and Logan care about you and you're not letting them in! What if Logan was having problems and he tried to keep it secret from you? Don't you think they can help? I mean I know I'm not much help but they're older and smarter, they'll know how to help you."

"Carlos, I'm fine I swear. I just had a couple rough nights with Kendall being sick and everything."

"You're lying to us about having nightmares!" Carlos said. "We never lie to each other, never ever!" Carlos' voice was high-pitched now and his cheeks flared scarlet. He was clearly very upset, but James continued to play it off as nothing.

"Carlos, let it be ok? I promise I'm fine," James said. "Let's just go to this party and have fun."

"Fine," Carlos mumbled, sinking into his seat and crossing his arms, and he was silent the rest of the drive.

An hour later, after dozens of photos were shot and questions were asked by paparazzi and news press while they were waiting in a huge VIP line, the 2 boys were inside a loud, large nightclub. Music blared off the state of the art speaker systems and purple lights flashed everywhere, while fellow celebrities swarmed around them.

But even all of the lights and sounds didn't make James feel awake. If anything, they made his mind blurry and his eyes heavy. After about an hour of mingling and chatting with friends and other celebrities, he started getting sleepy and, if honest with himself, not feeling very well.

"Hey let's hit the dance floor!" James shouted over the pounding music to Carlos when his wandering eyes saw a huge dance floor out in the middle of the club. Maybe that would make him feel more alert. Carlos turned around, hearing the sound of James' voice but not able to make out what he said exactly.

"What?" Carlos shouted back, squinting in the dim light to read James' lips. Even in the odd, purple light he could see how pale James was. He looked almost ill.

"I said let's go dance!" James said, pointing to the bustling floor. Some young guys were free-styling for everyone and it looked entertaining.

Carlos shook his head and grabbed James' wrist. It didn't seem like a good idea to stay at the party any longer.

"No, James you don't look so good!" Carlos said, leaning in close to James' ear. "Maybe we should go home!"

"But we just got here!" James said. "I'm fine. Come on let's go show up those free-stylers!" James grabbed Carlos wrist and pushed through the crowd, ignoring the younger boy's protests. He wanted Carlos to believe he was fine, he wanted to prove to him that he didn't need any help, even though his head was starting to pound in time with the music and he felt like he could fall asleep at any moment. As he pushed through the dizzying sea of people he accidently stumbled and nearly fell to the ground, losing all sense of balance as his head started swimming.

"Whoa! James!" Carlos yelled, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him up. "Dude, what was that?"

James rubbed his brow and blinked. "Nothing, I just got a little light-headed. Nothing to worry about!"

"Light-headed?" Carlos asked gently, placing a hand on his older brother's shoulder. "James, that doesn't sound good. Let's go home. Please?"

"No, I'm fine!" James remarked, ignoring his forming headache. He was _fine._ There was nothing wrong with him, couldn't Carlos accept that?

"But Logan put me in charge of looking after you and you look sick now! You're really exhausted and I think we should leave."

James didn't realize exactly what Carlos had said until a moment later. He felt betrayed and stupid. Logan sent Carlos to look after him as if he was a little kid?

"I don't need a babysitter, Carlos," James snapped, over-reacting as usual. "Quit babying me! There's nothing wrong with me! Just stay out of my business."

"You can barely stand up, James!" Carlos argued, his voice rising in frustration. "I wanna go home now!"

"God I liked you better when you were giving me the silent treatment. I don't need to hear this," James said acidly. Carlos' chocolate eyes darkened. He was sick of arguing.

"Fine, if you don't want somebody to care about you that I don't care," Carlos said, stomping away and getting lost in the crowd before James could really react.

"Carlos!" James yelled, immediately feeling guilty. But Carlos didn't turn around. He continued to stomp away until his shiny black helmet was no longer visible.

James put a hand to his forehead and sat at the nearest open booth. He sunk into the squishy fabric and let his face hit the blue table with a smack. Dancing didn't sound very appealing anymore. He knew Carlos was right. If he looked as bad as he was feeling right now, it was no wonder his friend was worrying about him so much.

"You look like you need a drink," A male voice said. James groaned, wanting to be left alone, but he turned his head and peered up at a waiters purple face. Everything looked purple in this stupid club. James didn't even _like_ purple. More and more he was wanting to go home, but he was too tired to go find Carlos.

"Can I have a sprite?" James asked weakly. Sprite always made him feel better. Whenever he was sick, Logan would get him a huge fountain sprite from the gas station, because only fountain sprite tasted really good.

For some reason the waiter, a blonde who looked to be in his early 20's, chuckled. James didn't know what was so funny.

"I was thinking something a little stronger than that," the waiter said when he was finished laughing at the confused boy.

"Oh. Mountain Dew?" James asked. He just wanted something cold and refreshing on his parched throat, and he was kind of annoyed that the waiter started laughing again.

"This party is one of the biggest this club has ever had, live a little. You look like you've had a rough night," the waiter said sympathetically. "How about a Samuel Adam's? Or Budweiser?" The waiter added when James wrinkled his nose in confusion. Suddenly, the young boy's hazel eyes lit up with appaled realization when he recognized the names as beer.

"_Beer?_" James cried, taken aback. Couldn't his waiter tell he was only 17? He was about to open his mouth to say that he was underage, but he quickly shut it when the waiter placed a drink menu in front of him. He remembered being warned by Gustavo, before they attended their first party as a band, that clubs in Hollywood rarely I.D'd the celebrities, and that they should be careful and always so no when offered a drink. The 4 boys never touched a drink in their lives. They had been raised better than that. But none of James' friends were around to stop him, and the prospect of having a couple drinks was tempting.

_Nobody has to know,_ James reasoned with himself. He lifted his head of the table and gave the waiter a smile.

"What do you recommend?"

**A/N EEK! Ok, I'm sorry I have to leave it off there but I have a party to go to. How ironic. Haha. BUT if you review, I will post the next chapter very soon. As in 24-48 hours soon. But you gotta review if you want to see what happens next! I need to know ya'll are still interested ;) Love you guys! XO and hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!**


	12. wasted

**A/N Thanks everybody for the reviews and patience! You guys are the bestest! **

**Previously on Trapped:**

_"This party is one of the biggest this club has ever had, live a little. You look like you've had a rough night," the waiter said sympathetically. "How about a Samuel Adam's? Or Budweiser?" The waiter added when James wrinkled his nose in confusion. Suddenly, the young boy's hazel eyes lit up with appalled realization when he recognized the names as beer._

_"__Beer?__" James cried, taken aback. Couldn't his waiter tell he was only 17? He was about to open his mouth to say that he was underage, but he quickly shut it when the waiter placed a drink menu in front of him. He remembered being warned by Gustavo, before they attended their first party as a band, that clubs in Hollywood rarely I.D'd the celebrities, and that they should be careful and always say no when offered a drink. The 4 boys never touched a drink in their lives. They had been raised better than that. But none of James' friends were around to stop him, and the prospect of having a couple drinks was tempting._

_Nobody has to know,__ James reasoned with himself. He lifted his head of the table and gave the waiter a smile._

_"What do you recommend?"_

"Everyone's been ordering these tonight," the young waiter said, pointing to a picture of shot glasses on the menu.

"Oh. What are 'Nuclear Jag-ger bombs?" James asked, pronouncing the drink exactly as it was spelled. The waiter arched his eyebrows in amusement. He realized this boy was completely inexperienced with drinking. This would be fun.

"Those are 'Jagerbombs,'" The waiter explained. "They're shots mixed with Redbull and Jagermeister, and Nuclear just means they're made with a shot of vodka."

"Oh, ok," James said. He never even heard of Jagermeister before, but he loved Redbull. And besides, the drinks looked really small, so what could it hurt?

"I'll have one then." James said. His stomach dropped at his own words, yet he felt a rush of excitement run through his veins. He was guilty and exhilarated at the same time. He had never ordered a grown-up drink before. He felt like he was at his 21st birthday.

"Just one?" The waiter asked. "How about I bring you 3? First one's on me. I know you'll love 'em."

James bit his lip, wondering if 3 of them were a good idea. They were awfully small though…

"Deal," James said. The waiter smiled and announced thst would he would be right back. A few short minutes later, James was holding his very first drink in his hand, eyeing the brownish liquid with excitement. He expected to be nervous, at the very least. Any normal day and his stomach would have been gnawed raw with guilt, but for some reason he didn't pay any attention to the idea that it would be illegal and morally wrong to drink the poison liquid that he was staring down. It never crossed his mind that it was dangerous, addicting, or that if his friends found out they would be tragically disappointed in him. And it wasn't like he didn't know all of that in the back of his conscious, he just literally didn't care. He ignored what he should have been feeling and brought the shot glass to his lips. He gulped down the burning substance with a gagging cough. His eyes watered and his throat felt like it was on fire. He blinked rapidly and choked while trying to swallow every drop.

"You alright?" The waiter asked, feeling kind of bad that he made the poor kid choke. But James looked up and grinned, already feeling the rush of the toxic, strong alcohol mix.

"Whoa," Was all James could say, and the waiter laughed, taking another shot off his tray. The blonde knew for a fact that the kid would not be able to stand up by the time he was finished. He didn't feel one ounce of remorse for being the one to make James terribly drunk. He thought it was funny.

James took the glass from the waiter, his hand already shaking. This glass was easier to drink. It still burned, but it was smoother and he didn't choke him this time. A rush of heat ran through his blood and warmed his stomach, and he noticed with pleasant surprise that the pounding headache deep in his skull was completely gone. Suddenly, all of his senses were heightened by fifty percent. Noises were louder, the lights were brighter, and he felt warm and tingly.

"You ok? Jagerbombs work pretty fast," the waiter said. He wanted to get the kid drunk, not kill him, and he already seemed buzzed.

"I'm great," James said, reaching for the 3rd and final shot. He didn't even notice the way his words slurred, or how when he tried to grab the drink the waiter had to place it in his hands because he was off by several inches.

After the 3rd drink, it didn't even dawn on James that he was drunk, despite the fact that his mind was buzzing pleasantly and he felt strange. Like he was lightheaded again only this time it didn't make him feel sick. Truthfully, he felt good. Alert and happy, instead of exhausted and ill like he had been 15 minutes ago. When he tried to talk and joke with the waiter, he had to shout to hear his own voice because his ears were ringing. When he made a move to get up and go to the dance floor, the waiter caught his arm.

"Whoa, careful you'll fall on your face," the young man warned. James found this hilariously funny and started laughing so hard he wheezed.

"I won't-I won't _fall,_" James slurred loudly. He hauled himself up off of the booth and the world spun around him. The purple, flashing lights were like a sporadic tornado, and the floor felt like a rollercoaster. He started cracking up laughing at this. The waiter laughed too, entertained by the young, drunken boy. He dared James to go hit on a brunette young actress who was swaying her hips in a red dress on the dance floor, surrounded by guys watching her. He gladly accepted the dare, put on his best sexy face, and stumbled to the dance floor to unknowingly flirt with a girl whose boyfriend was just feet away.

~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~~~

Carlos had had enough of sulking in the corner of the crowded nightclub. He hoped that by now James had cooled down so that they could finally go home. He searched through the hundreds of people for his friend, but could not see the familiar face among all of the celebrities.

"James!" Carlos cried, but his voice was carried away by the blaring bass and loud voices. The Latino was getting worried now. He hadn't seen James in half an hour, and he was willing to apologize or whatever it would take to go home. He didn't like this club. There were a lot of underage kids drinking martinis and beer as if it were soda. It wasn't his scene. It actually kind of scared him. Carlos was innocent. He would much rather spend his night playing video game with his friends than party, and at a club like this, he only felt safe with his buddies at his side.

"James come on I wanna go home!" Carlos yelled when, for the 6th time, a skimpy-dressed girl tried to hit on him. He hurried to the dance floor, hoping James would be there, but all he could see was a circle of people. He could hear what sounded like a fight breaking out in the middle of it all. Carlos rolled his eyes. He didn't understand why people wanted to waste their nights getting drunk and getting into brawls. It didn't sound very fun.

Carlos poked his head through the circle to see if any of the onlookers were James. He sighed when he didn't see his friend anywhere. Carlos' stomach was in knots now, and he was close to tears. He felt lost in this giant club, unprotected and alone. He needed James.

A purple light flashed in the circle and Carlos got a quick glimpse of dark, long, perfect brown hair that looked oddly like James'. The Latino jumped up and down, trying to see over all of the people in front of him that were blocking his view. He tried to push through the crowd, but it was too tight and they were too focused on the fight that was brewing to even notice the small boy was trying to get through. Finally he crouched onto his hands and knees and crawled through the crowd's legs until he was inside of the circle.

"James, no!" Carlos screeched. He had looked up just in time to see a beefy hand belonging to a large guy collide with James' jaw. The Latino watched his friend fall to the wood floor with a painful thud. James writhed on the ground, clutching his throbbing face. The thug who punched him leaned over, about to deliver a blow to his stomach, but Carlos sprang to his feet and jumped onto the older guy's back, stunning him.

"That's my brother!" Carlos screamed.

"Get off of me!" The guy bellowed, throwing himself backwards to dislodge the hyper boy on his back, but Carlos held on tightly and pounded his fist into the back of his neck. He sneaked a glance to the floor to see how James was doing. He was holding his jaw with one hand while struggling to get up. He seemed very dizzy and Carlos wondered if he had hit his head.

The distraction proved to be a handicap to Carlos. He was thrown off of the larger guy's back and a fist collided with his nose, sending him stumbling backwards into the crowd. Several hands caught him and held the dazed boy up.

"Alright break it up!" A voice yelled with authority. The music had ceased and the wild lights stopped flashing. Carlos and James were dragged unceremoniously to a back door and dropped to the gravel roughly. The metal door clanged shut and locked behind them.

"James! James, are you ok?" Carlos exclaimed, crawling to his friend, who lay motionlessly on the gravel parking lot. James groaned and rubbed his jaw, confused.

"What happened?" The drunken boy asked. Was he… Outside? He didn't remember ever going outside. And why did his jaw hurt so much?

"You tell me!" Carlos yelled, sitting Indian style on the uncomfortable, tiny rocks and wondering how in the world James had gotten into such a violent fight. He whimpered loudly when he saw the rocks were splattered with blood. A few more drops dripped off of his face and splattered to the ground.

"James I'm bleeding!" Carlos said, pressing his palm to his heavily bleeding nose. Tears automatically escaped from his eyes. He hated blood.

The brunette didn't seem to process this information. He just continued to lie there, mumbling incoherently about something instead of taking care of the younger boy, which he normally would have done. Carlos looked at him, hurt.

"James don't you care?" The Latino asked with a tiny sob, holding his shirt to his nose to stop the bleeding. When he still didn't get an answer, Carlos got to his feet and pounded on the metal door, even though he knew it was useless. He could hear the loud music had resumed and the party had gone on like nothing ever happened, but he needed to get James help, just in case he hit his head. He was acting very out of it.

Carlos scanned the deserted parking lot with his eyes. They were behind the huge building and not one car or person was around. The Latino's heart raced. They were both hurt and alone, and it was dark save for a couple of dim street lights.

"Come on Jamie, we gotta get to the car," Carlos said, bending down to help James up.

"No, I can't," James slurred, wavering as he struggled to get off the ground. He fell right back down before he was halfway up. Carlos was extremely concerned now. He got on his knees and placed James' chin in his hands, peering into his dark, unfocused eyes. His pupils were dilated and his hazel irises were glassy. However, Carlos' fears that James had been hit in the head were changed when the older boy's over-powering breath washed over him. It smelt strongly of alcohol. Carlos let go of his face and fell back onto his butt in surprise.

"James you're drunk!" Carlos accused, horrified.

"No I'm not," James said, and Carlos could barely understand his slurred words.

"Dude how could you?" Carlos groaned, putting his face into his hands. He felt scared and helpless and betrayed. What was he supposed to do now?

"Carlitos, you're bleeding," James said, finally noticing that his best friend was injured when he saw blood seeping between Carlos' tan fingers. James reached for his wrists, but Carlos pulled them away and glared at James. He didn't even care that he was bleeding anymore. All he cared about was how James was so drunk he couldn't even stand up.

"Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you do this to me?" Carlos yelled with disgust. He had never known his voice could sound so angry. His entire body was shaking with rage. "You're 17 James! We promised each other when we moved to LA that we would never do anything like this!" More tears poured out of Carlos' eyes, mixing with blood and dripping onto the gravel.

"I'm sorry Carlos," James said tearfully. "I don't know why I did it. I'm so sorry." James tried to crawl into Carlos' lap, but the Latino pushed him out and stood up.

"I don't even know you anymore," Carlos said, allowing his anger to get the best of him. It was either that or break down into crippling sobs. He would rather let anger take over his heartbreak this time.

"I didn't know I would get drunk," James said. He moaned and pressed his hand to his temple. He was impossibly dizzy and his head was starting to hurt. "Don't be mad-"

"Save it James! We're going home!" Carlos hauled James to his feet and started walking ahead of him. James tried to step forward, but his body felt heavy. He couldn't move without being hit by strong waves of nausea and dizziness. The sensation of walking on air was no longer pleasant, but sickening. Fear ran down his spine when he saw his friend walk away from him.

"'Don't leave me," James said in a tiny voice. Carlos turned around, hearing pain in James' voice. "Please. I don't feel so good."

"You should have thought about that before you got wasted," Carlos snapped, not realizing at first what was really happening. James let out a sob and slumped to the ground. He was panting and crying now, and his shaking hands clutched his middle as a tremor wracked his body.

"J-Jamie?" Carlos asked softly, sitting next to his friend. Something was wrong. His cheeks were a deep red and his eyes blinked furiously, trying to focus on the world spinning violently around him. James was beyond wasted. His young body couldn't handle the toxic amount of alcohol that he consumed.

"I don't feel good," James whimpered. His hands went from his stomach to Carlos' arms, grasping wildly as he silently plead for help.

"I don't know what to do," Carlos sobbed. He intertwined his fingers with James' sweaty ones and squeezed, trying to comfort him. James was crying now, tears and perspiration rolling down his cheeks. His headache was back, only much worse, and his insides were burning and twisting as it revolted the booze and Redbull. Carlos could only watch helplessly as James gagged a few times, his stomach constricting painfully.

"Carlos," James whispered, more crystal drops of pain leaking out of his innocent hazel orbs.

"It's ok, I'm right here," Carlos soothed, rubbing James back. "You can throw up James, you need to throw up. Logan always says it's your body's way of getting rid of harmful substances."

"No," James cried, but he couldn't fight it. He rolled onto his stomach and started vomiting onto the rocks. Carlos cringed as the acidic smell and horrendous sounds of gagging filled the night air.

"I'm sorry," Carlos said. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands, trying to block out the sounds of his terribly ill friend. He was angrier at himself now than he was with James. Logan asked him to watch over James, keep an eye on him in his unstable state, but instead he had stormed off childishly, leaving him all alone. It was his fault James was puking his guts out.

"It hurts," James croaked when his episode was over. His stomach ached and his throat was on fire from the booze coming right back up. He moved away from his mess and into Carlos' lap, leaning heavily against his chest. Carlos didn't push him out this time. He stroked his sweat-drenched bangs out of his eyes and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Are you ok now? Do you need a hospital?" Carlos asked. James shook his head.

"I'm ok I just… I need to sit here for a while," James said. He was coming down from his vicious high now and needed to rest before he could move. His body was in torment right now and he was afraid to move. "Don't leave me Carlos, please," he said, burying his face in Carlos neck.

Carlos wrapped his arms around James' waist, finally accepting the temporary role of big brother. He looked up at the sky and blinked back tears, trying to hold it together for James. "It's ok, I'm not going to leave you buddy. I'll stay here with you until your better."

James relaxed against Carlos' chest and melted into his warm, compassionate arms. There was something healing about Carlos that just came with his nature. Despite his nausea and headache, he was comforted in Carlos' embrace, content in listening to his soothing, deep voice whisper encouraging words in his ear.

Time passed slowly as James rested, trying to control his breathing and tears. His stomachache faded into a faint queasy feeling, and his headache wasn't quite so intense, but still noticeably there.

"I'm ok now," James said in a raspy voice when he realized the world was finally steady. He was merely woozy as Carlos helped him stand. The Latino wrapped an arm around his waist and assisted him to the car.

"Do you hate me?" James asked as they drove to the apartment.

"I could never hate you James," Carlos said. "I love you. You know that."

James nodded and wiped away a stray tear. "I love you too, 'Litos."

"If you did, you'd never drink again," Carlos said. "Promise me?"

"Oh I promise. I am never going through that again," James said, rubbing his temple.

"Ok, I trust you," Carlos said. "It was a mistake, right?"

"Right," James agreed. "It will never happen again. I learned my lesson."

The exhausted duo arrived home and quietly crept into the apartment. Kendall and Logan thankfully were sleeping, and Carlos led James to his bed and tucked him in, then brought him water and aspirin. James took it gratefully and settled into his warm pillow.

"Good night James," Carlos said, patting his still over-heated cheek. "Get me if you need anything."

James nodded and watched Carlos get under his covers. His eyelids drooped heavily and he knew he could not fight off the darkness that begged to come. Memories of the night swam blurrily in his mind and he moaned. Now that he was halfway to sober, he was realizing just how horrible the mistake he made was. He was appalled at his decision to ever let that waiter tempt him into drinking. He had no idea that those small drinks would get him so drunk, but he should never accepted them regardless.

"Carlos, I'm sorry," James mumbled in a barely coherent voice before he slipped off into the sleep that beckoned him.

**A/N How many of you think that James is going to keep this promise?**

**Reviews light up my life! **


	13. cravings

**A/N I can never be able to express how GRATEFUL I am for all of the reviews, reads and favorites I am receiving! This story means a lot to me and it warms my heart to know it means a lot to all of you, too! Thank you so much for sticking by this crazy thing!**

**Also, I just wanted to be sure to clarify that underage drinking is something I am very against. It kills me to know that so many kids with so much potential are wasting it by thinking they need to go out and get smashed every night. It's a serious problem. So if any of you ever need to talk to me about things like peer pressure or get advice or talk to me or anything, you can always message me. I'm like a big sister and I **_**want **_**to help, and I never judge. I don't want any of you lovelies to feel like you have to succumb to peer pressure.**

**Anyway… On with the story!**

James could hear voices swarming in the distance, pulling him out of a deep sleep. With every word that was spoken, his head would pound in time with it. The intense ache was what woke him up, or else he would have slept for much longer. His body felt like it was weighted down with hundreds of water balloons, but he still managed to roll over and bury his face in his pillow, away from the blaring sun that was creeping in through his swollen eyelids.

"Ugghh," James groaned out, reluctantly giving up on the sleep he knew was long gone by now. He was so disorientated that it took him a moment to realize he he was in his own room, snug in his full-size sleigh bed. His stomach flip-flopped and his throat felt like sandpaper. The young boy took a deep breath and tried to clear his blurry mind. It was like there was a thick sheet of fog in his mind, hiding any recognition and memory from the past 24 hours.

After several minutes of clutching his pillow while trying to regulate his breathing, James slowly sat up straight. The movement jarred his sensitive stomach, sending it twisting and churning, but he did not throw up, thankfully.

"Oww," the hung over boy whimpered, clutching his head. The sunlight sifting through the closed blinds in his room cast a painful glow across his bed. Each ray of light seemed to burn into the back of his eyes, making his head throb even more. Logan and Carlos could be heard outside of his room in the living area. He couldn't make out what they were speaking about, but their voices were like railroad spikes in his hung over brain.

"What happened last night?" James croaked to himself, leaning back against his pillow as he was too weak to hold himself upright. He blinked his hazel eyes furiously, trying to focus on the spinning ceiling, struggling to recall whatever had happened that left him in such a sickly state.

Suddenly, a sharp pain his lower tummy made James sit up once again. He fumbled with his blankets for a moment and got to his feet, nearly falling over when dizziness and nausea waved over him. James ignored the uncomfortable feeling and hurried to the bathroom so he could pee what seemed like a river. He had never had to go the bathroom so badly in his life. It almost _hurt_.

When James was finished relieving himself, he stumbled to the sink to wash his hands. He then rested his palms on the white porcelain, leaning heavily against the sink as he tried to regain his composure. Through blurry vision, James looked up to the medicine cabinet mirror. His stomach clenched when he saw his reflection. Instead of a tan, handsome boy he saw a pale, sweaty face. His jawline was slightly purple with a painful bruise that made it sore to open and close his mouth. Now James was really wondering what had happened to him the previous night. He felt horribly sick and it looked as if he had gotten into a fight.

James sucked in a breath and took a few unsteady steps to get to the kitchen. Even though he had an intense headache, he still felt lightheaded. It was an odd, disconnected feeling as he tried to walk down the short hall to the kitchen. His long, shaky arms had to hold on to the walls in hopes of keeping his balance so he could make it to the kitchen table.

But before the brunette could make it to doorway, however, Carlos was there to intercept him and drag him back to his bedroom.

"Ugh Carlos, no sudden movements," James moaned. He snaked an arm around his queasy middle and leaned against his bedroom wall for support.

"Are you crazy dude? If Logan sees you out there, he'll know what's going on!" Carlos exclaimed. James cried out in pain and cringed, removing his hand from his stomach so he could hold his pounding head instead.

"Ah, keep it down Carlos my head is killing me," James groaned. "And I need Logan. I-I think I'm sick."

Carlos blinked at James like he was the stupidest being on the planet. "Just lay back down. I can smell your breath from a mile away and Logan and Kendall will together murder you if they find out what you pulled last night."

James frowned, insulted by Carlos' jab at his bad breath.

"Carlos what happened last night?" James asked, refusing Carlos' attempts to help him back into bed. "I-I don't remember anything. My brain is just a big, painful blur. Did I… Was I abducted by aliens?" James arched an eyebrow in fear.

Carlos's palm met his forehead with a slap, and he shook his head. "James you weren't abducted, you have a hangover!"

James frowned skeptically. "Hmm, yeah, I don't remember getting drunk seeing as I am _only 17 years old Carlos_!"

"Well apparently you didn't care last night because you pounded back God knows how much alcohol, got in a fight with some dude, and got us kicked out of Lil' Crank-Cranks birthday bash."

"Oh," James said, sitting on his bed.

"That's all you can say is 'oh'?" Carlos asked. James shrugged. He didn't really know what to say. It's not like he was conscious of doing any of that. He never drank a drop of anything at a party before. That just wasn't like him.

"I don't remember anything Carlos," James said. "I just know I don't feel so good."

"No duh," Carlos said as he threw James a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "Go take a shower and clean up, dude, before Logan starts to worry. I have been covering for you all morning. He's starting to think you're sick or something."

"Ok," James said softly. He was getting the feeling that Carlos was upset at him about something by the way he was acting quite stand-offish. The Latino's eyes were darker than their usual milk chocolate hue, and the way they seemed to shift around nervously to avoid looking him in the eyes made James feel guilty for an action he wasn't even aware of committing.

Carlos left without another word. James hugged his clothes to his chest, feeling as though he was on the brink of tears. Carlos was definitely mad at him for something.

The soft sounds of knuckles rapping on the door made James wince. He just wanted to crawl in a quiet cave for a while until he felt better.

"Who it is?" James called in a raspy voice. He rubbed his sore throat with his fingertips. He felt like he was coming down with the flu rather than recovering from a hangover.

"It's Logan. You alright in there, dude? It's 2 0 clock in the afternoon."

"I'm fine, late night last night. I'm gonna take a shower I'll be out in a few minutes."

There was silence for a moment before Logan worriedly asked, "Are you sure? You don't sound so good."

"Yeah, I'm sure," James said, pinching the bride of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He couldn't hide the annoyance in his voice. As much as he wished he could have Logan take care of him, he really wanted the voices to go away. He needed quiet, before his brain exploded.

After a couple of seconds, James heard Logan's footsteps recede down the hallway, and he went to the boy's shared bathroom and began stripping off his sweaty clothes that he had worn to the party the night before. He turned the shower water on as hot as it could go and stepped under the pulsing, relaxing spray. The brunette stood beneath the scalding water for several long minutes, listening to the steady, quiet stream of water pummel his body and the tile tub flooring while he struggled to remember through a thick haze what had happened last night. Instead of completely coming up completely blank, he now remembered a few parts very vaguely. He recalled the waiter, and how the young blonde had talked him into ordering some really expensive and powerful shots. He remembered feeling exhilarated, like he knew he was doing something wrong and just didn't care. He could even still feel the burn on his throat as he swallowed the toxic liquid without remorse.

The rest was just a haze. He remembered little bits and pieces, such as feeling sick and cold and scared and guilty. He remembered Carlos crying and bleeding.

James felt sick to his stomach, and it wasn't just because of the lasting effects of the alcohol. It was because of what he had done. James was disgusted with himself. How could he do something like that, take Carlos to a club and leave him alone, unprotected? How could he be so immature as to get drunk in front of his youngest, most innocent friend?

James finished up in the shower, anxious to apologize to his best friend, and hopefully hug him and snuggle him until the younger finally caved and forgave him. Carlos was always very easy to beg forgiveness from. He never stayed upset for long.

After brushing his teeth 3 times and spraying cologne over his body, just in case he still smelled like alcohol, James dressed and emerged from the small bathroom, hair still soaking wet and floppy as he made his way to the kitchen.

"James, you look… Wet," Kendall said, not used to seeing his best friend without perfectly blow dried and styled locks.

James grinned despite how sick he felt. Kendall was awake and alert, though still pale, and he was eating a bowl of lucky charms at the table.

"Kendall, you're feeling better?" James asked, walking around the table so he could approach his ill friend. He patted Kendall's shoulder and placed a hand on his forehead, which was still a bit warm.

Kendall shrugged. "A little. At least I can eat though without it hurting too much."

"Did you take your pain medicine?" James asked gently. The thought of his friends in pain, especially because of him, made the brunette feel sick.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kendall said, looking up from his bowl of lucky charms. He studied James with intense green eyes, making the brunette flinch. He hated been meticulously analyzed, something Kendall loved to do to his friends all the time. When Kendall was worried, he could stare at the sick or hurt boy in question unfaltering until they finally broke and under his gaze and spilled everything.

"You stayed out awfully late last night," Kendall said, and his voice had a cocky air to it, as if he knew something…

James gulped and shrugged. "Yeah, crazy party."

"I bet," Kendall said. His green eyes never once blinked, but after a couple more seconds, he finally looked back down to his lucky charms and took a spoonful into his mouth. James raised his eyebrows. _That_ was weird.

"Have you seen Carlos?" James asked. "I need to talk to him."

"He went down to the pool," Kendall said. "I don't know why, it's not exactly warm out. He looked thoughtful though."

"Oh ok," James said distantly. He wondered if maybe Carlos told Kendall what had happened last night. James knew Kendall wouldn't come right out and accuse him for it. That would be something Logan was known for. Kendall, however, liked to torture his friends when they were guilty by pretending to be clueless while still giving little hints and knowing glances until they could not take it anymore.

James left the room quickly. He was pretty sure he could not stand to be around Kendall for one more second in fear of confessing. He walked briskly through the hallway and down the elevators, ignoring his acquaintances who tried to say hi to him.

The sunlight that exploded in James' eyes as soon as he walked outside nearly knocked the brunette on his butt. He groaned and shielded his eyes, trying to walk to the pool with half-closed lids. He blinked a few times, ignoring the skull-numbing pain in his head as he tried to find Carlos. The Latino was seated on the edge of the pool, jeans rolled up to his knees and ankles dipped in the cool water.

"Carlitos?" James asked, sitting next to his younger brother. He folded his legs up beneath him as to not get his shoes wet and touched Carlos' arm when he didn't respond.

"_What _James?" Carlos asked darkly, eyes fixated on the tiny blue waves of water he created by sloshing his feet around lightly. James sighed and stared at his innocent friend for a moment before blinking and biting his lip. He wasn't really sure what to say. He knew he should apologize. He knew he should gather the younger boy up in his arms and refuse to let go until he accepted the apology. But James didn't do either of those. He regretted the words that burst out of his mouth before he even fully finished the sentence.

"Carlos you didn't tell Kendall, did you?"

Carlos' eyes suddenly shot up from the water at James' selfish question. Hurt clouded his beautiful chocolate irises, but it quickly faded to anger.

"Are you serious right now?" Carlos seethed. "You put me through the most horrifying experience of my life last night, and you're asking me if I tattled on you?"

Carlos waited for an explanation for James' behavior as he watched the brunette cower his shoulders in defense, but when he received none, not even an apology, Carlos felt himself lose it.

"Do you have any idea what you put me through last night, James?" The Latino practically screamed. James darted his eyes around the pool area, grateful that nobody was around to listen in.

"I know," James started, but Carlos cut him off.

"No you don't know, James!" Carlos yelled. "I thought you were dying, man. I have never seen you so sick in my life. The more I think about you lying on the gravel all out of it like you were, the more I feel like throwing up! I want to punch you James, for what you did to me and what you did to yourself. I'm scared for you, man. You're changing." Tears leaked from the corners of Carlos' eyes, but he angrily wiped them away. James could feel his heart breaking. He reached out to console his frightened friend, but Carlos flinched away. He got to his feet and started to walk back to the apartment.

"Oh and to answer your question," Carlos added bitterly, freezing at where he stood halfway between the lobby doors and James, but not turning to look towards the brunette. He couldn't bring himself to look at him right now. "No, I didn't tell Kendall. Does that make you feel better?"

Without another word, Carlos walked into the lobby. James watched him go regretfully, the words stabbing him in the heart like a knife. He wanted to stop him. He wanted to say something, anything, but what could he say? He screwed up big time, and now he was a huge a disappointment in Carlos' eyes. He couldn't take back what he put Carlos through last night, no words could erase time and they certainly wouldn't make it any better.

James shivered in the wind and pulled his knees to his chest, watching the ripples in the water that the chilly breeze created as he mulled over Carlos' words. He really messed up this time. There was no explanation for taking the night as far as he had. He could have ordered something less toxic. Or better yet, not have ordered anything illegal at all. But it's not like James didn't remember why he had done it. It was something Carlos would never be able to understand, because he wasn't suffering like James was. When he had taken that first drink, he finally felt at ease. His pain had faded and he was more alert, happier, just like he used to be. He was fearless again, enough so that he would even challenge a grown man to a fight.

James shuddered, his next thoughts frightening him. Just a while ago, as he showered, he was sure he would never touch a drop of alcohol again in his life. But now, as his headache pounded more intensely and more guilt and fear washed over him, he couldn't help but to crave that feeling of pain-free lightness that he had experienced last night, the feeling only more alcohol could bring him.

**A/N What am I **_**doing?**_** I don't even know. Please don't hate me. Tell me what you think in a review and you will make me the happiest munchkin on the planettt. I love you guys! Have a great weekend!**


	14. trust

**A/N So after crying for about 12 hours straight because in 14 days I get to experience BWU tour I decided to put my angst into a new chapter of Trapped. Excuse me because this AN might be rated T but skcfndioi holy mother nut buckers I can't take it! The rhinestones, and there's a blimp and the pyro and the ramps, and Logan's a stripper and the covergirls and a fucking trampoline! A trampoline! And their initial hats and the tight pants and FUCKING BUCKET HATS and Logan's fucking hair and I am going to jump him and do things to him and my stomach feels like jellow and I can't think and I totally spelled jello wrong and I need help! Help me! *melts into a pool of exploded ovaries***

**ANYHOO Omg thanks for all the heart-warming reviews and for reading my story. Yay. *excited dolphin chitter***

"Dude, what are you doing out here? You have been sulking for hours."

James turned around at the sound of Kendall's voice, breaking his gaze on the swirling blue water. He wasn't expecting for anyone to come find him, but especially not Kendall.

"Kendall! Why are you out of bed? You can hardly walk!" James exclaimed, jumping to his feet to help his injured friend. Kendall was hunched over and limping with his arm around his middle and he could barely talk.

"Ah, I'm fine," Kendall insisted, but James ignored him and led him to a chair to sit down in inside one of the cabanas.

"You don't look fine," James said.

"Neither do you," Kendall shot back. James growled and sat on a chair across from Kendall, watching the floating tealight flicker back and forth. There were a couple moments of somewhat awkward silence, which was weird because James never felt awkward around Kendall. Kendall always made him feel comfortable, no matter what. But now he couldn't help but feel like Kendall was watching him, scrutinizing him, waiting for him to spill everything.

"Carlos seems really upset," Kendall finally said. "He was crying earlier, in his room."

James gripped the arms of his chair with anger. He wasn't angry at Carlos at all. He was angry with himself for making his little buddy cry. He would never, ever think of doing that to Carlos, yet he was doing it right now. "He was crying?"

"Yeah dude. Do you know why?"

James shrugged, staring at the tealight. "I don't know, maybe he ran out of corndogs?"

"James," Kendall said disapprovingly. "We both know that's not it." When Kendall received no answer, he sighed and just decided to move the conversation along. "What happened last night, James?"

"Nothing," James said, a little too quickly. His stomach was churning now. He could feel those electric green eyes burning into the top of his head, trying to gain access into James' hazel ones.

"I know that's not true," Kendall said, and James let a tear roll down his cheek. Kendall was alarmed by this, and wondered maybe if he should stop interrogating his friend, but he figured this was the only way to get anything out of him.

"I found this today. I sent Camille and Tyler out to destroy every copy they could find," Kendall said, reaching into his inside jacket pocket and pulling out a folded square of newspaper. He shoved it under James' nose, and the brunette looked at him questioningly before taking the paper and unfolding it. His wet eyes scanned the black ink words and he cringed. It was an article in an entertainment magazine about Lil' Crank-Crank's birthday bash and how he and Carlos ruined the party by starting a brawl in the middle of the dance floor. And there were actual photos of James getting the shit knocked out of him by a dude twice his size.

"Uh-oh," James squeaked. Kendall chuckled.

"Gustavo is going to kill you!"

"Hey any publicity is good publicity right?" James asked. Kendall rolled his eyes and snatched the paper away from him, sticking it back into his pocket.

"Not for a boyband," Kendall said. James attempted a smile, but it looked feeble and weak. Kendall tried to lean across the table, but whimpered and pulled back at the pain in his ribs.

"Look, James, I know something's up. You don't fight. You're like a… Like a chinchilla."

James raised his eyebrows. "Did you just say I was a chinchilla?"

"Chinchilla's are very docile creatures, I think," Kendall said, wrinkling his nose. "Anyway my point is, is that you are not a fighter and lately you have been fighting a lot. You keep snapping at us and Carlos is emotionally wrecked, which doesn't take much to do but you know, still… And you're just not acting very chinchilla-y lately."

James didn't really know what to say. He was tired of having to constantly tell people he was fine. He loved Kendall, but he kind of just wanted to be alone now.

"Kendall, please stop worrying. I'm perfectly fine," James said. He refused to look up. He couldn't face the hurt look in Kendall's eyes that he just knew was there, not after the whole ordeal with Carlos. He couldn't stand the fact that he was hurting his friends.

"James, don't lie to me! I know something is wrong," Kendall said, his voice a bit high pitched now. "Just tell me. Tell me what it is that I can do to help you and I'll do it. You haven't been the same since the incident and… I need you to get better now. Please let me help you get better."

James blinked slowly, willing the tears that were welling up to go away. His head pounded with every word Kendall spoke. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to go to sleep.

Kendall let out a huff of air that he didn't realize he had been holding. He was getting frustrated now. James just held his gaze on that stupid tealight, refusing to give Kendall a proper answer.

"James, look at me," Kendall said. His tone was low and gentle, but James could hear the command in his voice. Still, James just stared at the candle through a veil of auburn hair. He blinked, startled, when Kendall suddenly blew out it. A tiny wisp of black smoke appeared in place of the flame, and James watched it twirl up above the Kendall before it finally disapparated into the air.

"James," Kendall whispered, and this time it was a plead rather than a command. Finally, James looked at his scared best friend. "Please tell me what to do, James. I've never dealt with anything like this before, ok? I mean, I always help you guys out when Gustavo is mean, or when one of you 'accidently' walks into the girl's locker room. Silly stuff like that. I'm supposed to be the leader, I'm supposed to be the one helping you right now but I don't know how this time."

James was heartbroken to find out that Kendall felt this way. He leaned forward and squeezed Kendall's hand, trying to offer him some sort of comfort. Kendall sniffed, his cheeks turning pink. He didn't mean to suddenly blurt out all that stuff, but he couldn't help it.

"I don't need help, Kendall. I'm fine, just stressed. That's all. And I'm sorry, ok?"

Kendall nodded, but he didn't seem very satisfied.

"Do you trust me?" James asked in a small voice.

"Of course I trust you," Kendall said quickly, wondering what kind of question that was.

"Than just… Trust me, ok?" James said, releasing Kendall's hand and scooting his chair back. He gave Kendall a small smile and left the cabana.

**A/N Oh I know that was sooo short I am sorry! I am so stinking tired like I fell off my bed twice writing this because I kept almost falling asleep. Sorry there wasn't much action! **

**Ok so I was thinking that at the merch table at the show they should sell tiny stuffed replicas of Fox.**

**Reviews are fluffy bunnies.**


	15. monster

**A/N Omg! Hi everyone! Ok this is going to be a rather long a/n because my absence was so long. First of all, I am sooo sorry. I never wanted to disappear for so long, but my laptop broke and it has been in the shop repairing but now it's back with me! Yay! I have missed you guys and writing so, so, so much I can't even describe it. And I felt so bad reading so many reviews and messages asking me where I am and why I haven't updated, I felt like I abandoned all of you. But I could never do that, and I have so many updates AND new projects coming your way! I hope I am able to keep all of my readers/friends this summer and gain some new readers/friends as well! I just got back from summer camp which was amazing, so while I let my sunburn do its thing, I figured I'd update one of my fav stories that I sadly had to put on the back burner for a while. I hope everyone is having an amazing summer. Also, thanks so much for helping me reach my secret goal: I was hoping for 100 favorite author alerts by this summer and already I am up to 117 and that's amazing to me! I love you guys so much and I hope you are all as excited about my new updates and new stories as I am. Thanks so much for all the reviews and reading all of my stuff even while I was gone. Enjoy the new chapter of Trapped!**

That night, Kendall lay awake in his bed, thinking about his earlier talk with James in the cabana and how distant his best friend seemed. Things were going too far and getting way out of hand. Not only did he know for a fact that James was hiding something, he couldn't shake the feeling that Carlos was hiding a secret as well. The two boys had stayed separated as if they wanted nothing to do with each other all day, and at dinner that evening, Carlos kept glancing up at James with this somewhat scared and innocent, questioning look in his deep brown eyes. But James would only give him a warning glare and Carlos would quickly avert his gaze to the untouched mashed potatoes and chicken on his plate. Kendall studied these little exchanges all throughout the entire day, and he knew Logan was too, but neither of them knew what do to about it. Logan had said before bedtime that he tried to talk to Carlos, but the youngest boy, who was usually like an open book, ignored Logan and pretended everything was ok though clearly it wasn't. No matter what, those boys just wouldn't talk to them and it frustrated Kendall. It made him feel like he was a crappy older brother, like he failed his job because he was supposed to be the one person that, even when everyone else failed, they could trust to tell anything too. But now, when something mysterious and possibly really bad was going on, they wouldn't say a word to him.

James was always exhausted and angry lately, and Carlos was withdrawn and almost depressed at times. Their mood swings were hard to handle, especially James'. Sometimes he would be fine, and then one little thing would set him off and he would be unapproachable for the entire day. He barely ate anymore and even Carlos didn't touch his dinner tonight. And when they had gone to the studio that afternoon, James was extremely unfocused and Gustavo ended up just sending the boys home to get some rest with a warning to never come into the studio so unprofessional ever again. Usually the studio was the one place James put his all in, no matter if he was sick or upset or anything. He always used to channel all of his pent up emotions into his singing and dancing and now he acted like he didn't even care anymore… It was like he was a whole new person, and that disturbed Kendall greatly. He wanted his James back. Kendall fell asleep thinking that no matter what, he would get the old James back.

It was after midnight, and once again James was awake. His eyes felt like lead and he was so tired that his stomach felt nauseous. Carlos was asleep in the bed next to his, far away in dreamland and James envied him. He envied his friends energy and his ability to sleep at night like a normal person. He wanted to escape reality for those precious 8 hours a night, but instead he was stuck in a confusing, exhausting nightmare. James had heard of insomnia when he was younger. He remembered thinking how it seemed so impossible. How could anyone just _not_ sleep? The thought was crazy to him when he was a kid. He never thought he would grow up to suffer from insomnia. He thought he was stronger than that. He always envisioned himself as one of those people who could get through anything and be fine, but his body and mind was betraying him.

An uncomfortable, nagging thought formed in the back of James' mind as he lay awake in the dark. Something he thought of the night before but had tried to push far away, because it scared him. He needed that one thing that could help him sleep, that could knock him out for hours so he could get the sweet relief from reality that he needed. He was so tired he wanted to cry from frustration and defeat. He couldn't take it anymore.

Slowly, as to not disturb Carlos, James pushed himself up on his bed and quietly crept out from beneath the covers. His bare toes hit the cold wood floor and he tip-toed across the room and out into the hallway, where he listened for a few moments. When all he could hear was silence, James continued to his quest to the kitchen and turned on a nightlight so he could see what he was doing.

A fluttering feeling in his stomach reminded James that what he was doing was wrong, but his desperation outweighed the guilt. He knew that this would give him the dreamless rest he needed to function, if not for his sake but for the sake of his friends and the band, who didn't deserve to go through everything James was putting them through because of his stupid little problem.

James knew that Mrs. Knight always kept alcohol on the top shelf of the kitchen, because sometimes she would have girl's night with her friends and they would make mixed drinks and margaritas. Even in Minnesota, James was aware of the forbidden top shelf, and he and the boys always respected that it was off limits. They were good boys. But tonight, James broke his surrogate mothers wishes and opened up the cabinet to find a wide array of alcohol. He stood there, staring at the bottles for several moments. He wondered if he was actually doing this, because it felt so wrong, but he pushed the thoughts aside and grabbed a bottle of wine. It felt heavy and slippery in his hands, and even though his heart was pounding, James opened it and started to drink the tangy liquid with hardly a second thought. It didn't exactly taste good. He didn't even bother to check what kind of wine it was, and he couldn't tell if it was red or white in this darkness, not that mattered. He just hoped it was potent enough to knock him out so he could get some sleep.

James pinched his nose to block the taste and gulped it down, because he heard somewhere that drinking fast will get you drunk quicker. Once half the poison was gone, James brought the bottle away from his lips and set it on the counter. So far, he didn't feel any different, and he considered drinking more. But he decided he would give it a moment to kick in and put the half-drank bottle in the cabinet, behind the other bottles. He would drink more later if he had to.

With a sigh, James closed the cabinet and turned off the nightlight. He shuffled his feet to the bathroom, where he stripped off his pajamas and turned the shower faucet to steamy hot. He needed a shower. For some reason, he felt dirty and icky after drinking what Mrs. Knight had trusted him not to touch, and he hoped a shower would help him.

About midway through the shower, though, James began to feel a bit lightheaded. The rushing of the water sounded amplified and the room seemed to spin a little. He was beginning to feel the same way he did a couple of nights ago at the party. He was too buzzed to feel guilty about it, though. The guilt would hit him in the morning. After quickly rinsing his hair of shampoo, he stumbled dangerously out of the shower and grabbed a towel, which he tied sloppily around his waist.

Without even bothering to put on his pajamas, James left the bathroom and dizzily made his way to the living room, where he collapsed on the couch and turned on some late night cartoons to distract himself. He hoped they would distract him long enough so he could fall asleep.

He didn't think that just 30 minutes later, he would be a laughing heap of towels and blankets on the floor. For some reason, looney toons were funnier tonight then he remembered them being. Road Runner had him in stitches, and he snorted and hyperventilated when one of the Acme weights fell on his furry head. He had to stifle his laughter in fear of waking up his friends, so he thought he sounded like a muffled, snorting pig, which only made him laugh even harder.

He stayed sprawled out on the floor like this until he was too sleepy to laugh any longer, and then everything went black.

"Kendall… I think you need to see this."

"Ugh," Kendall groaned, slowly waking from his deep sleep. Sunlight burned through his eyelids. He flipped over onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow, trying to stay asleep.

"Kendall, seriously, wake up…"

He felt his shoulder being roughly shaken and recognized the voice as Logan's.

"What, Logan?" Kendall grumbled.

"It's James… Come on you just gotta see." Logan pulled Kendall out of bed.

"Dude!" Kendall yelled, catching himself on the edge of the bed. He stood up and stretched before giving Logan an angry look. "This better be good."

"Oh it's good alright," Logan mumbled. The shorter boy led Kendall to the living room, where he was greeted by the site of James, who was clearly naked under a tangle of throw blankets and a bath towel, passed out cold on the floor. He snored loudly, his hair sticking straight up and his bangs in his face.

"What the…" Kendall asked, letting his question go because who could actually explain this site besides James himself?

"I tried waking him up but he is out," Logan said, grabbing an extra blanket off the couch and throwing it over James' half-covered body to give him a little modesty.

"At least he's sleeping," Kendall said. He nudged the sleeping boy with his toe, but James didn't even stir. He leaned over and slapped him in the face loudly, which made Logan gasp.

"Kendall, what was that!"

"Hey it woke him up," Kendall said, gesturing to James, who moaned and squirmed for a moment before sitting up with a start like a deer in head lights.

"James, why are you naked and sleeping on the floor?" Logan asked the confused boy. James just stared at him blankly for a moment before looking down at his blankets. He suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed, even though it took him a moment to remember why he was naked. All he remembered was sneaking into Mrs. Knight's alcohol shelf and the rest was a blank, but obviously he couldn't tell them that.

"Um… I um, I couldn't sleep last night, so I took a shower to relax and I guess I fell asleep on the couch," James replied groggily. He tried his best to hide the hangover he knew he had. His head hurt and he had to squint because of the blinding sunlight.

Logan and Kendall didn't know whether they should crack up laughing or be concerned, completely oblivious to the fact that James was drunk.

"Well why don't you go get dressed and lay down for a bit until breakfast is ready?" Logan offered, helping James to his feet. The brunette clutched the blankets around his bare body and took Logan's hand, but as soon as he was on his feet, a wave of nausea rushed over his stomach, and acid crawled up his throat.

"What sounds good for breakfast, bud? You choose. Do you want me to whip up some pancakes?" Logan asked, oblivious to how sick James was feeling.

"I'm-I'm not too hungry," James admitted, clutching his stomach. He felt Logan's eyes studying him as he swayed on his feet and blushed from the attention.

"Are you alright? You look sick," Logan said gently. James ignored Logan and took off for the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and locked it before falling to his knees in front of the toilet. His stomach churned violently and his head pounded, but he knew it wasn't the flu. Once again, he had poisoned his young body with alcohol. With a painful heave, his body rejected the large quantity of wine he had consumed the night before into the toilet. He didn't have much in his stomach to vomit, so most of it was stomach acid and streaks of wine, leaving his throat raw and sore.

"James, are you ok?" Kendall and Logan yelled out, pounding on the door. James curled up on the tiled bathroom floor and covered his ears. Their shouts were so loud and his head felt like it was about to explode.

"Just leave me alone," he whimpered. Tears flooded his eyes as his stomach twisted, forcing him to get on his knees and vomit again.

"Jamie you're sick, let us in, please," Kendall said.

"I said go away!" James roared, a little louder and angrier then he actually intended. He regretted it immediately when he knew he hurt his friend. Kendall stopped knocking and a couple seconds later he could hear feet shuffling away from the door.

"Ugh, damn it!" James said through gritted teeth. His fist collided with the porcelain toilet and pain shot through his hand. He was so _stupid. _How could he do this to himself and his friends? He was betraying everyone who loved him with these secrets. If they ever found out, they would most likely disown him. His mom would cry and he could never, ever want to make her cry. His friends would hate him. Mrs. Knight would kick him out. But he didn't know what else to do. He was so scared and lost without anybody to tell. It was too much for him to do on his own.

"James, can you please open the door?" Logan asked in a small voice several minutes later. James sniffed and pulled tear-streaked cheek off the cold tile floor.

"Just a sec," James said. He removed the blankets and dressed in his pajamas that were left in a pile on the floor last night, swallowed an aspirin, and opened the door.

"Sorry, Logan," James mumbled. His friend looked so small and concerned, he just wanted to envelope him in a comforting hug.

"What on earth are you sorry for? You're sick, James," Logan said. James' stomach knotted with guilt and more tears pricked his eyes.

"Go lay down I'll be in your room in a minute," Logan instructed him. The brunet silently did as he was told. He walked to his room and hid under the cool covers. Carlos was getting dressed, watching him warily.

"Logie said you were sick," Carlos said when James refused to even acknowledge his presence. James didn't answer, not that Carlos was excepting him to. "You're not sick though, are you?"

James cringed. He knew. Of course Carlos knew. The little guy was insanely perceptive, and even though he was innocent, he wasn't stupid.

"You promised me," Carlos said emotionlessly, as if he didn't even care anymore, because he knew James would do this and he was stupid to ever think James would keep his promise.

The room was silent for a while, and James figured Carlos had left, but suddenly his blanket was pulled away from his head and Carlos was staring at him angrily.

"How could you do this to us, James? How could you do this to yourself? You look us in the eyes and you lie every single day. I'm sick of protecting you all the time! They need to know! They can help you but you just refuse to tell them before you become some psycho alcoholic or something! I-I have to tell Logan."

"No!" James cried. He kicked his blankets away and launched himself on Carlos in a panic, knocking him to the floor easily. "You can't, Carlos!'

"I have to," Carlos said, flipping himself off of his stomach and onto his back, which was really hard with James' weight on him. He wanted to gag when he could smell the alcohol on James' hot breath. Just seconds ago, Carlos was filled with confidence but now he was scared, because James had raised his fist and was glaring at him menacingly.

"Don't tell them, Carlos," James spat. Carlos whimpered. He never heard James sound so scary before, but he knew something needed to be done now.

"I'm sorry, James. I have to!" Carlos said. In a flash of movement, James punched Carlos' in the nose with brute force. Blood shot out onto both the boy's shirts and the floor. Carlos was stunned. Did his big brother just _punch_ him? He couldn't believe it! But his nose screamed with pain and there was a metallic taste on his tongue. It had really happened, no accident about it. James knew what he was doing. He had punched his baby brother.

Carlos burst into tears and ran from the room, ignoring James' apologetic pleas. Logan came rushing into the room and looked at him questioningly. "James, why the hell is Carlos crying!"

James shook his head, tearing up again. He hid his face in his hands and fought back the urge to throw up again. "I don't feel good, Logan…"

"What is it?" Logan asked, running to his side. He put his hand on his shaking shoulders and rubbed gently. "Buddy, what's going on with you?"

"I don't know. I hurt him, Logan," James said. "I'm so sorry…"

Logan sighed. He wanted to rip his hair out. He didn't know what was going on, but this had to stop. "Get in bed, I'll go check on Carlos. I'm sure he's fine."

"No, it's not fine," James cried. He let Logan pull him to his feet and get him tucked into bed.

"Just try to sleep, James. It will be alright. We'll talk about it when you wake up. Right now you're in no condition. You're obviously really sick."

Despite James' actions, Logan still treated him lovingly and tenderly, and he didn't deserve it at all. He felt sick with guilt. Logan had no clue.

"This needs to end now, whatever it is James," Logan said. "It's over, do you understand me?"

James nodded tearfully. He wanted it to be over. He didn't want to be this monster he was becoming.

Logan shut off the lights and left James alone to cry it out. He found Carlos in the bathroom with a wad of reddened tissues to his nose, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"Oh, 'Litos…" Logan whispered. "What happened, buddy? Tell me."

"I-I can't tell you," Carlos said. Even though James had betrayed him, he didn't have the heart to betray him back.

"Carlos…" Logan said, sitting next to his friend, who looked guilty and upset.

"James is so sorry, Carlos. Please just tell me."

"No, he's not sorry. He knew exactly what he was doing, Logan. He's not sorry at all." Carlos stood up and threw away the bloody tissues before drying his last ears and walking away, leaving Logan confused and alone.

**A/N Yeahhh I meant this chapter to be serious but I feel like most of it came out kind of silly lol. Reviews mean sooo much. I have tons of bromance coming up! And keep an eye out for more updates and new stories coming veryyyy soon! **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chappie and to everyone about to read this! I know it's been awhile, sorry!**

James sniffled, his cell phone pressed tightly to his ear as he listened to a soft and comforting voice that meant so much to him. It was late into the night, and James was settled on the concrete deck of their balcony, cool wind running through his long brown hair as he watched dark blue waves of the pool below him rustle. A bottle of liquor was clutched in his other hand and Palmwoods was silent and asleep.

"James, honey, are you alright? You sound like you're crying, baby. Why are you still awake at this time? What happened?"

"I just… Miss you a lot mom," James said. He stared grudgingly at the bottle of liquor in his hands before allowing himself to take another swig. He hated himself more and more with every drink he took. It had been 3 nights since he punched Carlos. Since then, Carlos ignored him like the plague and James found himself drinking every night. But, after drinking all night, his fear and pain would numb up completely and he'd fall into a deep, addicting sleep with nothing but blank dreams. No more nightmares, no more anxiety, no more insomnia. He was actually able to _function_ during the day. It was like all his problems were fixed due to such a destructive habit.

"I miss you too honey," Mrs. Diamond said, a bit surprised. James had never called her up feeling homesick before. "How are your nightmares?" She asked. His mother knew, of course, that after the incident on Halloween he became subjective to intense night terrors, but she was hoping they'd have stopped by now.

"I actually haven't had one in a few days," James told her. It was the truth, yet he felt sick telling her that. They weren't really gone, they were just masked by something much worse. "They were getting really bad, but then they just… Stopped."

"Good, honey that's great news," Mrs. Diamond said, hiding a yawn. It was nearly 3 in the morning and, while she'd always be there for her son, she was exhausted. "Is everything okay with the boys? Have you guys been getting along, having fun?"

James paused for a moment, thinking of the betrayed glares he received from Carlos daily, followed by confused and worried ones from Logan and Kendall. Things were not okay with his best friends. There was a rift between them, and James was the one creating it.

"Jamie?" Mrs. Diamond asked, calling him by his childhood pet name. James sighed.

"Mom, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, sweetie. What is it?"

"Well, what if somebody… Somebody I know, is doing something they know isn't good for them, yet their doing it anyway to kind of fix something that is broken. Wh-what should you say they should do? It's like a… A Robin Hood kind of thing, I guess."

"Well honey, to me wrong is wrong," Mrs. Diamond said. "If this person knows in their heart that what they are doing is going to have negative effects, they need to stop immediately and face the real problem head on."

James nodded, before realizing his mother could not see him. "Oh. But mom… What if that person wants to stop? And they can't. Because they are too scared, and they don't know what else to do." James teared up a bit and his voice caught in his throat.

"Honey, where is this coming from? What's going on? James, are you in trouble?"

James pressed his fist to his eyes, trying to control his breathing so he would sound calm over the phone. "I don't know, mom. I just…"

"You just what, James? Do you need me to come over? I'll have a flight booked right now if you need me-"

"No, mom no please don't do that. It's okay," James said quickly, silently scolding himself for almost letting out the truth. "It's not me, it's a friend, remember?"

Mrs. Diamond was silent for a moment. She didn't know if she quite believed her son or not. "Alright, honey. I know that you are noble enough to do the right thing by this friend. You're the strongest boy I know. Whatever happened, I know you'd be able to fix it."

"Yeah, right. Of course," James said.

"I need you to get some sleep now, okay? You'd feel much better and know what to do in the morning if you sleep on it. I love you, honey."

"No matter what, right?" James asked.

"No matter what, sweetie… You know that."

"I love you too, mommy. I-I'll talk to you later."

"Good night, baby," Mrs. Diamond said. She almost didn't want to hang up. She had this urge to go see James as soon as possible. Something was wrong.

James said good night and hung up his phone. He took a few more drinks and headed inside, where he snuck the alcohol back in the cabinet.

James was about to lay down in the couch to let sweet darkness take over, but a dull thump sounded from across the hallway. James crooked an eyebrow, glancing over to where the sound came from. When he didn't hear another sound, he blamed it on his imagination and sat on the couch, grabbing the throw blanket from off the back of the cushions. He was too dizzy and tired to check out what the noise might have been.

But then, he heard a series of three frightened whimpers coming from Carlos' bedroom. James stood up-a bit too quickly because he nearly fell right back down, and rushed to the bedroom. Carlos was thrashing on his bed, a tangle of comforter and sweaty limbs.

James squinted in the darkness and clicked on a light. The bright yellow glow burned his eyes and he groaned, shutting the light right back off.

"Carlos! What are you doing?" He asked. His alcohol-ridden mind didn't realize Carlos was having a nightmare. "Carlitos?" James stumbled over to Carlos' bed. The alcohol was really beginning to hit him now. He shook Carlos, and the Latino stopped thrashing at once, but his eyes were still closed and tiny crystal tears were leaking from under his long black lashes.

"Carlos?" James whispered, worried. He sat on Carlos' bed and lifted the crying, sleeping boy into his arms, trying to wake him up.

"James... Jamie no, please," Carlos whimpered.

"Hey, I'm right here, don't worry. Wake up Carlos. It's okay," James cooed, rocking Carlos gently. He felt like a big brother again, just like he used to. This was the most interaction he had with Carlos in a very long time that wasn't a fight.

Finally, Carlos woke up, finding himself pressed to James' chest. He clung to the larger boy, trying to shake away the remnants of the nightmare.

"James… I had a dream you died and-"

"No, I'm right here. Ssh, I didn't die," James said. Carlos looked up, noticing his' voice sounded kind of funny. His words were slurring together.

"James?" Carlos asked, and that's when he got an overpowering whiff of James' alcoholic breath. The bitter smell was so strong it rendered him dizzy for a second. He pushed away from James and stood up, glaring at him.

"You smell like alcohol, James," Carlos said, drying his tears.

"Carlos, come here. You're upset. Come on, I'll hold you," James said, outstretching his arms. Carlos pushed him away, feeling disgusted.

"No, I don't want you to. Just get out of here," Carlos told him. James visibly flinched, feeling like he was slapped in the face.

"Carlos, you don't mean that-"

"Why are you doing this to yourself? It's _wrong_ James! You're not an alcoholic. You're not the James I know. I don't want you in here. Go away."

James pressed a hand to his temple when he felt a sudden head rush. He couldn't deal with this right now, not when he was drunk. "Carlos, let's just lie down. I didn't drink that much-"

"You're drunk!" Carlos said, swatting James' hands away when the brunet tried to pull him back by the waist. "Stop it, James! Let me go!" Carlos gave James one last push, and the drunken boy fell to the floor with a loud thud on the other end of the bed.

"James?" Carlos asked when his friend didn't get back up. He didn't even make a sound… Did he kill him?

"Jamie, are you okay?" Carlos asked, peering over the bed. James let out a snore, body twisted awkwardly on the floor, his legs straight up and resting on the side of Carlos' bed. He was passed out cold. Carlos shook his head.

"Unbelievable," He scoffed. He pulled his comforter and pillow away to make up his own bed on the couch, but no matter how angry he was at James, he couldn't just leave him like that on the floor.

"Ugh, serves you right to wake up in the morning like this," Carlos said to James' knocked out body. "But, since I don't want you to choke on your own freaking _vomit…_" Carlos grunted as he pulled James up on the bed face down and covered him on blankets. "Yeah, you can thank me in the morning if you're not too hungover."

James just let out a snore, and Carlos shook his head. He _missed_ James. He wanted him back. The old James was too amazing and awesome to be gone forever.

"I wish I could save you," Carlos said, lying down in James' bed. He didn't want to spend the night with a drunk James, but he was afraid something would happen to him in the night, something bad, and he wanted to be there for him just in case.

The next morning, James woke up at 11 o' clock. He moaned, feeling his head pound.

"Ugh… Carlos, why am I in your bed?" He asked, blinking his eyes open. Carlos was getting dressed for the day across the room.

"Maybe because you were passed out on the floor and probably could have broken your neck if you tried to sleep all night like that," Carlos spat out. He sprayed his cologne on and went to leave.

"Look, I don't remember what even happened last night-"

"Of course you don't," Carlos said, his hand frozen on the door handle.

"But I'm sorry, Carlos. And thanks for you know… Taking care of me last night."

"James, if you're going to do this to yourself every single night, then I don't want you in my room. Don't even bother coming in here even more. I don't even want to be around you. I'm serious. Just stay away from me." Carlos didn't even glance back. He opened the door and slammed it shut. James flinched at the loud sound and buried his face in his pillow, letting out a muffled, quiet scream. He deserved that, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

James shuffled into the bathroom, swallowed a couple of aspirins and cleaned up. His hair was neatly combed and his clothes were neat and fashionable, and with his headache fading, he felt energized enough to actually do well at the studio. James smiled. He felt good and he looked good. If only Carlos understood how much better he was now, he wouldn't be so mad.

"James, you ready to go yet? Gustavo wants us at the studio now!" Kendall called.

"Yep, I'm coming!" James yelled back. He straightened his collar and plastered a smile on his face, pleased with his appearance, because on the outside, it looked like nothing was wrong with him at all.

**A/N Thanks for reading! I know you're busy but… Review? **


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